


Dual Orbit

by macavitykitsune



Series: Finding the Moon [4]
Category: Cardcaptor Sakura
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2014-08-05
Packaged: 2018-02-11 22:00:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 52,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2084664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/macavitykitsune/pseuds/macavitykitsune
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to The Moon-Ruled. As Sakura struggles to transform the Cards and Yue begins to weaken, the Guardian makes some surprising discoveries about Touya, Clow, Yukito...and himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Reflected Light

**Author's Note:**

> This is, once again, a fairly early work (from 2006-2007) that I'm reposting here, largely untouched. Hopefully it survives the test of time...?

 

I woke, and I was not alone.

_Wake up, Yue,_  Yukito said cheerily, and I shivered at the not-quite déjà vu of hearing the same words I had heard on being unsealed repeated by him. It seemed oddly appropriate now, as if today were a beginning, the same way being unsealed had been.

_Yukito,_  I acknowledged, tugging my eyelids open.  _What's the matter?_

_Nothing at all,_ he said cheerfully, and I wondered how he could manage to be quite so happy in the morning when all I wanted to do was curl myself in comfortable darkness and sleep…oh, until the moon peeked out of the east again. _It's the first day of school, you know._

Oh, so that was all.  _I'm going to sleep._

_Don't be such a grouch,_  Yukito said with what I knew now was a smile in his mind-voice.

_I'm not,_  I said honestly. I was truly tired. It was close to the new moon, and the influx of moon power was accordingly low. The meagre energy that my mistress was feeding me was not enough to sustain me, and I was feeling very sleepy these days.  _I'm just tired._

_Oh._ Yukito pondered that for a second.  _All right, then._  He withdrew, leaving me alone. As alone as I ever was, anyway. I did the mental equivalent of rolling over and curling up, but sleep evaded me now. Instead, I found myself thinking of Yukito.

Our…relationship…had developed a little in the two months or so since the Final Judgment. Yukito was familiar with my presence now, as I was with his, and transforming went much more smoothly now without the added barrier of his resistance. We had discovered that the link between us could only be opened from Yukito's side; if he didn't want to communicate, I couldn't reach through to him. I couldn't communicate with him at all if I was in my true form. I hadn't spent much time in my true form, though. That used magic, and it tired me out quickly. I had sensed Yukito summoning up the courage to ask me why I was so exhausted, but he never did. It was just another thing that we never spoke of.

There were many of those.

Yukito had never told me what he saw during the Final Judgment. From minute slips of the tongue and the tones of his aura and mind-voice, I knew that he knew much more about my previous life than he would admit. He had told me that he remembered 'everything', but what that meant had not been specified. He tried to keep secrets from me, but if Yukito was devious and subtle, my own directness and perception were more than a match for him. I didn't pursue it too actively, because asking him how he knew would lead back, inevitably, to Clow, and from there to things I didn't want to know. Dangerous truths. I felt the truth of that like a blind man instinctively feeling an abyss before him.

He was dying to know what I had seen while within his mind, how much I knew of what had happened, and I couldn't tell him. Doing so would compromise too many things. For one, I hadn't told him about the reason why Clow had planted the attraction spell in me – in us. If I did, I would have to tell him why, and it wasn't attractive to tell my other self that I had sealed our death sentences (as I almost surely had) so that the Cards would live, and done it without his knowledge, much less his consent. He would have to know about my meeting with Touya, and the memory erase. He would have to know that Touya knew he wasn't human.

This last, I was more afraid of telling him than any other. Yukito had made Touya his lifeline, his anchor in a world suddenly aswirl with magic and magical creations. He didn't really mind the Cards, and he rather liked me as far as I could tell, but the thought that everything in his life was a lie hadn't gone down well. Touya, he felt, was the one unmagical thing that cared for him. I didn't know why that was important, but it was. And right now, he needed that anchor. Someday, when he was ready, I would tell him. After that, one of us would tell Touya.

At this point, I ran into a dead end. I knew I would have to face Touya eventually, but I was not looking forward to it. He saw entirely too much for me to be at ease around him, and there was always a veiled amusement in his dark eyes that made me feel like a child. The one time I had met him, he had taken control of the situation effortlessly. Though it could be said that I won that encounter, since I had wiped his memory, I myself was uncomfortably aware that he had somehow made me do too many things that I had not intended, and had found all the information he had needed and more.

I was even less comfortable with the other things that I felt for him. That day that I had spent in the dream I had cast during the Final Judgment had been shatteringly real. I knew intellectually that the dream had been an illusion created by the spell I had cast. Still, for a day I had known what it was to be loved by Kinomoto Touya. The dream had given me a full set of false memories to complement it, and it had been…unforgettable. But it was too soon. Touya didn't know me at all, he was too young, he was all wrong for me, Yukito loved him, and I loved –

Clow.

Clow Reed. Over the last six months, my feelings towards him had gone through the whole spectrum of emotions – from resigned grief, to bitter sorrow, to raging anger and betrayal, to… a calmer sort of understanding. I still couldn't accept his reasons for what he did, couldn't agree that his death was necessary on any level. But I thought I was a little closer to accepting that he had made his own choices, and I couldn't blame him for that, although I was (and probably always will be) angry with him for leaving me in the bargain.

Clow had always inspired strong emotion in me. In the beginning it had been admiration, the devotion of a child and a creation; later, it had become the protectiveness of a Guardian, the respect of a student; then the affection of a friend; finally, love. I could look back on that with some serenity now, without either grief or anger clouding my emotions. It had been good. It had been very good. There had been laughter, and jokes, and fights with Keroberos on the rug, and long debates with Windy and Dream while Watery laughed at us from over the edge of one of her romance novels. Those twenty years were something precious to me. But I had accepted now that Clow was gone, and that he wouldn't be back. I had a new life now, and I had to get used to it. I wouldn't be able to hide from everyone forever even if I had done a good job of it so far. I certainly wouldn't be able to hide from her.

Kinomoto Sakura. Cardmistress, master of the Clow. My mistress, until her death or mine. I had fought so long and so hard against accepting her, and had been almost forced to in spite of my wishes. I had to admit that being her Guardian wasn't all that bad. I had had no occasion to meet her since the Final Judgment, but a faint trace of her was with me all the time, like the half-caught scent of a flower, and it was pleasant. Her magic was sustaining me – not very well, but still I was somewhat attuned to her, her moods and her presence. My orbit had shifted, I thought ruefully.

It had occurred to me several times that magic reflected the personality of the person it belonged to. Clow's magic had been thrumming with power, overwhelmingly strong, dark blue in colour and cool as my own magic. Of the Dark, and his magic reflected it, as did his nature – a certain secretiveness, quiet humour, wisdom and manipulation. Sakura's magic was of the Stars, and her aura was young and vibrant, a pale peach-pink in colour, warm and friendly, bright and innocent. How unlike my own silver-white aura, layered and dazzling but cold as the darkness of space it moved in. The Li boy's magic was like Keroberos', elemental, raw, powerful and attack-based, preferring the bold and direct approach rather than my own subtler manipulation of energy. And lastly there was Touya's, which, being inward-directed, was rather different from all of ours. It was strong, but curved away from vision, making it harder for other magic-users to detect it, as deep as his eyes; a shade of green-grey so dark it was almost black. Even the Li brat and Keroberos probably didn't suspect the amount of knowledge he had gathered about my mistress' activities. I would have tell her about that sometime, but Touya and Sakura were both insistent that the other remain ignorant and if they wanted it that way, it was fine by me.

Yukito was moving about now, locking up his house and stepping out into a familiar lane where the Kinomoto siblings would no doubt be waiting for him. I watched, wrenched away from my reverie by the thought of meeting them again.

_Isn't it early for school?_

_I just want to get a bite to eat._ This, despite the gigantic dinner he had eaten the previous night, and the early morning bowl of porridge he had made himself. I felt a stab of guilt. His good appetite was a sign of anything but. I was already starting to feel tired, but I had no idea that Yukito was experiencing the effects of my weakening as well. I hadn't noticed his increased hunger. I tended to block myself away from Yukito when he ate, because half the time the number of sweets he effortlessly ate could send anyone into diabetic shock.

Yukito's steps quickened as he approached the school.

Touya was waiting for him, lurking in a corner of the hall. He had a hunted look on his face. 'Morning, Yuki,' he greeted. Just that, as if they hadn't spent a month apart while Touya was on holiday. Familiar, simple, easy.

'To-ya!' Yukito said excitedly. 'It's so nice to see you again, I'm glad to be back at school, how was your holiday, are we still in the same classes, what time is lunch, how are you?'

Touya's eyebrows climbed. 'Breathe, Yuki,' he said before looking around again. 'And in that order: good, yes, twelve-thirty, and awful.'

'What's the matter, To-ya?'

'There's this new student,' he said. 'A transfer from some other school. She's attached herself to me since before practice and I can't get her away from me.'

'She sounds nice,' Yukito said teasingly, with a wide smile that was pure rubbish. He – and I – were both quite used to the multitude of girls that were after Touya. There had been fewer of them since last year, after he'd told Yoko that he 'liked someone else'; the girl took his defense very seriously, and she and Touya were on fairly good terms now. Most of the school was just waiting for some hint of who the lucky girl was.

I myself had a good idea who Touya liked. If only Yukito weren't so amazingly clueless for someone who was normally very perceptive.

Touya almost shuddered. 'Are you kidding? She has a voice like a banshee and a grip like a sumo wrestler. She's a living nightmare.'

'TOOUUYAAAA!' A girl with long brown hair ran up behind him and glomped him enthusiastically until he turned an interesting shade of blue. 'Where  _were_  you? I looked all over!'

'Get off me, Akizuki,' he growled, prying futilely at her arms.

'Na-ku-ru,' she said, as if she were instructing a slow child. Touya looked ready to throw up. Or strangle her. Maybe both. 'Call me Nakuru.'

'Akizuki,' he said, stressing the name, 'Go away.'

'Touuyaa, you're so mean,' she whined. Just then, the bell rang, and we had to go in.

That wretched girl followed us around all day. She even tracked Touya down at football practice and cheered loudly and obnoxiously from the bleachers, putting him off his game. By the time we left the school grounds, Touya's nerves were shattered and Yukito's smile was growing more and more fixed. She ignored Yukito completely, focusing on Touya to the exclusion of, well, everything.

After school, Touya and Yukito were strolling down a street when they saw my mistress, the Li brat and Tomoyo eating ice-creams. Touya strolled up to them and stole Sakura's ice-cream bar, slurping it with great relish.

'Touya!' she complained, kicking at him. 'You're mean!'

He ignored her.

'To-ya,' Yukito reproved. 'Don't do that.'

'What, you want some too, Yuki?' Touya said lazily around a mouthful of ice-cream, dark eyes fixed on his face with deadly intent.

Oh dear. Was he flirting?

Until now, I hadn't quite understood how people in those ridiculous manga that Yukito read could have spontaneous nosebleeds, but this statement was an excellent indicator that it was, indeed, possible. I nearly had one myself, and he hadn't even directed the comment at me.

Not that Yukito, who had never quite grasped the concept of innuendo, even noticed. He simply shook his head and said, 'I'll buy you another one, okay, Sakura?'

Touya looked around nervously, his Banshee Radar tingling, as was mine. I could feel the girl's approach myself. Maybe she had traces of magic in her blood.

She glomped Touya again, gave Yukito a death glare, stole the ice-cream from Touya, nuzzled Sakura and swung from a lamppost while waving her ice-cream in the air – all in about forty seconds – before screeching her way away through the rain.

She reminded me of nothing more than Keroberos on a sugar-high.

Horrendous. One of him was bad enough. Two was pushing the laws of probability.

That night, I attempted to broach the topic with Yukito.  _So, that girl today._

_What about her?_

_What did you think of her?_

A sigh.  _I'm tired, Yue. Do we really have to do this now?_

Translation: don't ask. Not that I cared.

_She has magic. Not much, but it's there._

_I don't care._ A pause.  _She's very pretty._  So he was jealous.

_I don't think Touya likes her much_.

_And how would you know? You being the master of social niceties and all. The more Touya pushes someone away, the more he likes them. Look at how he acts around Sakura._

_Did he push_ you  _away?_ I asked, unable to help myself.

There was a long silence.  _No._

_I'd say he likes you, though._

_Not that way._

_Are you sure?_

_Why are you doing this?_

… _I just want to know what you think._

_I think I want to sleep. But if you want to stay up and talk, that's fine too._ And that was the end of that.

I felt a familiar presence wink into the room, and then Mirror's spirit form appeared before me. She was fond of looking as she had when she was a child; she claimed I was a lot more 'cuddly' when she was smaller, and being a shapeshifter really helped. 'Yu!' she said happily before piling onto the bed beside Yukito and curling up.

'Do you really have to do that?' he complained, both to her and to me. Unlike me, Yukito was a little uncomfortable sharing his bed with a Card. Or two, or three, depending on how late the talking lasted. He had grown used to sleeping alone.

Mirror just giggled in delight. 'You're as cuddly as Yu!' she said, digging her nose into his neck. It was cold, and Yukito and I both yelped in surprise.

'Mirror,' Yukito said teasingly. 'You are not supposed to cuddle up to total strangers.'

'Not a stranger,' she said muzzily, falling asleep immediately.

'Oh, you're here already!' said Watery, flicking Mirror on her nose. 'Hey, Yukito. Yue.'

'Watery,' Yukito said with more enthusiasm. He had hit it off very well with her, which was unexpected. They were quite adept at teasing in sync now, and their favourite target was (unfortunately) me.

'Are any more of you turning up tonight?'

'I only came to fetch her. We'll have to leave now – Windy wants us all to be close to the mistress. Sakura's been facing some problems recently.'

'Problems?'

'Yeah.' Watery looked serious. 'There's been some weird stuff going on lately, Yue. You've sensed that rain that's been falling since today, right?'

I nodded. The rain that was pouring down steadily even now was nothing normal. It screamed of magic to everyone who could hear. 'What about it?'

'Well, Sakura and Keroberos went to check it out. They were attacked by something. It was manipulating water. Sakura tried to use magic, but the key wouldn't transform.'

'Is that so,' I said levelly, but I felt Yukito's alarm as my emotions spiked. 'I suppose I should meet Keroberos, then.'

'He wanted to talk to you sometime about this.' Watery hauled the sleeping Mirror out of Yukito's arms, and we both felt a momentary chill at the loss. 'Windy told us all to stay close to Sakura, so if you want to see us you'll have to come home. Well, seeya, then.'

For the nth time, I wondered what Watery's fascination with slang was all about.

After they left, I fell silent, screwing up the courage to touch another potentially explosive topic.

_Yukito._

_Hmm?_

_I've been thinking._

_That's not good._

_It's serious. I think you should tell my mistress that you know._

_What do I know, Yue?_

_Don't play the innocent with me,_  I snapped.  _I can't keep secrets from her. It's unethical. You're forcing me to remain silent about something this important. I want a reason why, at least._

_I don't want to complicate things._

_That's not good enough._

_Yue, please!_ The raw pleading shocked me. Yukito was never this open, always subtle, always understated.  _Please. I don't want her to know. As long as she thinks that I don't know I'm not human, she'll act normal around me. I need that right now. Please. It's not too much to ask._

_You drive me mad, you really do,_ I grumbled.

Yukito laughed almost silently.

_And what about Touya?_

The laughter stopped.  _Nothing about him. He doesn't know. I'm not going to tell him._

_What if he suspects?_ I was treading on dangerous ground here. I knew very well that Touya knew about me, and if I said too much Yukito would guess.

Interfering in this business would be a mistake. This was Touya's problem, and Yukito's. For two years, they'd walked the delicate line between friendship and more. If I intervened, I might throw one or the other off that line, and the consequences were unpredictable.

And besides, it didn't concern me at all. Not at all.

'What's Sakura doing with that brat?' Touya said, glaring impressively at Syaoran.

_You know, I think he hates him even more than you do._

_Naturally,_ I smirked at Yukito.  _The brat's not after_ my _sister, is he?_

'To-ya, you have very good eyes,' Yukito complimented with an insincere gleam in his eyes.

The two children were beneath us, staring at the rain from under the awning of the school. I could guess their conversation. Touya looked away from them and at Yukito, turning serious suddenly.

'Yuki.'

'Hmm?' Yukito said, smiling a little.

Touya stepped a little closer. 'There's something I need to tell you.'

'What?' I was sure I was the only one there who could feel Yukito's heartbeat accelerate.

'You…I…'

There were two possible endings to that sentence. I watched intently, waiting to hear which one it was.

Then Fate intervened in the form of a disturbingly cheerful Akizuki. The girl clamped herself onto his back like a limpet on a rock and chattered away. The mood was broken.

As Touya walked away from us, buried under a huge stack of papers, Akizuki turned to Yukito. There was something disturbingly knowledgeable in her eyes. Something malicious. 'You don't even know, do you?' she said. Yukito didn't respond, unsure what she was getting at. So was I. 'Then I'll take him!' she chirped and left.

_Huh?_  said Yukito.

Inelegantly put, but I had to agree with him.


	2. Tilting Axis

Touya took the direct route to his house without a word, instead of taking the slightly longer way that led past ours. Yukito fell into place beside him, accepting the invitation that Touya didn't see the need to voice. It was simply routine, like walking or breathing.

Dinner was fairly normal by Kinomoto standards. My mistress fed Keroberos not-so-discreetly under the table, and Yukito and Touya gallantly pretended not to notice. Yukito polished off gigantic amounts of food, and she looked at him sideways, giggled and made comments about a healthy appetite. Touya teased her, and she went cat-eyed and irritated and kicked Keroberos while aiming for her brother. All in all, it was comfortable, familiar and entertaining. I relaxed gradually as the evening wore on. After a while, I fell asleep. The rest felt good; even communicating with Yukito as much as I had in the last day took energy – energy that I didn't have.

Touya left, and Keroberos finally made his move. 'Return to your true form, Yue!' he said and cast the summoning spell. I woke up immediately at the sound of his voice. Yukito gaped at him for a second, obviously unaware of Keroberos' presence. Then the transformation took over, and when my wings unfurled I was in my true form. I glowered at Keroberos. He could have just asked!

'What? You just woke up and you're already in a bad mood?'

I sniffed. 'It's rather cumbersome to have your true shape and your disguise as two separate personal lives.' Difficult was not the word for it. Being summoned like that was the magical equivalent of having a tooth extracted without anaesthetic.

'Huh?' said Keroberos blankly. Typical. The idiot didn't even notice.

We went into the living room together. My mistress saw me and promptly fell over, spilling some tea. 'Eep!' she said, or something like that.

I wondered idly why she was so nervous around me. Granted, the last time we had met, I had assaulted her, but that was in the Judgment. Surely she didn't think I was going to attack her again. It could be the moon attraction, or her crush on Yukito. Whatever it was, she was acting very strange around me. Then again, my mistress was a very strange girl.

'Umm, would you like some tea?' she said after we were safely in her bedroom. Mutely, I shook my head.

'Oh, he doesn't eat,' Keroberos contributed.

'But you love to eat sweets,' my mistress said, puzzled. I restrained myself from pointing out that he was a greedy pig.

'Yue and I have different eating habits,' my brother said nonchalantly. 'Tea, please?'

'Sure!' she said and left to bring some.

I looked at Keroberos. His little plushie face was bland. 'You sent her out on purpose.'

'Because she doesn't know what I suspect yet.' He flew over to the window. 'What do you think about this rain?'

I played along. Obviously, he had a theory. For an absolute idiot, Keroberos was subject to very accurate flashes of inspiration at times. Maybe this was one. 'Someone created it intentionally.'

'That's what I thought. Then the only question is: who is this someone? In any case, we have to determine whether or not the presence we felt yesterday really was his."'

'His?' I inquired.

Keroberos looked sober. I had a horrible, horrible suspicion about what he was going to say.

No way. It couldn't possibly be. Life was simply not this cruel.

'The person you and I both know so well…'

Not Clow. Please, not Clow.

Of course, I have always known that my luck is very very bad.

We stood in the park again. Tomoyo was there, of course, filming away as usual. Keroberos, in his true form, stood beside me.

My mistress was looking at me, while trying hard to appear as if she was looking at something else. Since I was twice her height, her attempts were obvious. I looked at her out of the corner of my eye. She looked sideways at my face, and then teehee'd nervously when she saw that I had seen. I took mercy.

'What is it?'

'I…uh…umm…Yukito doesn't know you exist, does he?'

I felt a momentary qualm. In the back of my mind, Yukito waited in tense silence. '…That's right.'

They both relaxed. 'What about when you're him?'

'I remember everything.'

'I…see…' she said.

I looked at her, wondering just what she did see. This little girl, my mistress, with immense powers she had just begun to tap…who had uncovered my deepest secret within moments of meeting me…what  _did_  she see?

Then I sensed something. A powerful magical aura, but I couldn't determine the source yet. With my weakening powers, I was not as quick at identifying magical signatures as I usually was; it required sensitivity to currents that I was losing slowly but steadily.

The clouds above us swirled unnaturally, and I sensed the flows of magic only a bare instant before bolts of water shot at us. Instinctively, I curled my arms around my mistress and leapt into the air, dodging the attack effortlessly. Duck, twist, over one and past the other. I felt a little offended. Really, it was almost too easy. Then the attacks grew much stronger; I raised a shield, but it didn't last long.

A spell clamped down on me. A paralysis spell, targeted at my wings. It should have taken only a thought to break it, but the spell clung fast. Surprised, I missed my cue and the next pillar of water struck us squarely, pinning me to a tree.

The impact was stunning. The rough wood knocked all the air out of my lungs and my internal organs felt as if they were going to burst out of my ribcage. A bright starburst of pain opened up in front of my eyes. The spell had rooted itself well. I couldn't move, couldn't really breathe. I could only make a weak groaning sound.

'Yue!' my mistress cried out. She tried again to release the key. I could have told her it wasn't going to work. If she was going to use magic, she would need to use her own power. But I couldn't speak, couldn't tell her that.

Keroberos attacked and was repulsed. The same spell that had hit me caught him, and he sank to the ground, as helpless as I.

Watching with horror as the scene unfolded, I could only think one thing. The kind of power Keroberos and I wielded, it was not easy to resist. To place a spell we were prepared to defend against took immense power, the kind most human mages could not access, and this was definitely human magic.

Either that or the caster held some personal power over the two of us. And only two people could ever make that claim. Sakura, and…

'This power…' I whispered weakly.

Then the water swept us up and trapped us in solid columns. I fought the spell as hard as I could. I could hold my breath for hours, and so could Keroberos, but not my mistress and the other girl.

I sensed my mistress' power growing, changing. As I watched, a magic circle appeared under her. But it wasn't Clow's. She was chanting something I couldn't hear. The key released, and she attempted to summon Fiery. The Card fell to the ground, and she tried again. This time it worked, and Fiery freed us all in short order. I floated easily to the ground, landing near her. At some point, the paralysis spell had been withdrawn as well, and I could move.

My mistress held Fiery in her hand, staring wonderingly at it. The Card had been transformed; its back was now a solid pink, not Clow's red-and-gold backing.

'Sakura!' Keroberos said.

'Are you all right?' Tomoyo.

'I'm fine,' she said distractedly. 'Hey, you know, this Card…'

The end of that sentence was a mystery, because my mistress slumped over abruptly. I caught her just in time.

'Sakura!' they both called out as I cradled her in my arms.

'Is she all right?' Keroberos demanded. 'How is she? Is she hurt?'

'She's asleep,' I said. Keroberos fell over.

I felt a vague twitch of magic somewhere above us. I looked up, but there was nothing to see in the inky night sky.

'Is something wrong, Yue?' Keroberos said.

'No,' I said absently, still looking up. I could have sworn I sensed  _him_  then.

I carried her home that night. Keroberos wasn't built for carrying unconscious people. I put my wings away, and Tomoyo followed us, calm as ever despite her soaked clothes.

My mistress felt small and warm in my arms, and I was reminded again that she was only a child. To hold such power at such an age; it was a very great responsibility, and she was bearing it with grace and courage. I felt proud of her for a second, and thought that if Yukito had been awake, he would have felt the same. But his pride would have been like Touya's, a brotherly feeling, although he was much more expressive of his emotions than Touya was. My pride was that of a Guardian to his master. She was so far above me in status that I couldn't feel for her as Yukito did, as an equal.

I knew exactly what Windy would say to that:  _you never acted that way around Clow._

And Watery:  _I don't know why you even bother, Windy. He's beyond all logic._

Clow had always been Clow. In front of others, I called him Master, because that was the accepted form of social address, but Keroberos, the Cards and I had all called him Clow in private. But even in my thoughts, I called my mistress my mistress. Not Sakura. I felt that I needed to keep that distance, to not make the same mistake twice. Maybe someday, I would be able to relax around her. But I was still working out my relationships with everyone around me. There was time to do that later.

Maybe.

I kept walking, quickly, blindly, trying not to think about him, trying not to cry.

Clow. Clow, Clow. Where are you? The thought ran in circles through my mind, caught on that one phrase, until I realised that I wasn't merely thinking it, I had transformed into my true form and was signalling the thought, casting it out on the air so strongly that I didn't doubt my mistress or Touya would hear if they were keeping an ear out for such a signal. Quickly, I focused my power; it was strong enough that he would hear if he was anywhere in Tomoeda, but discreet. The last thing I wanted was Watery and Keroberos giving me a sound thrashing for doing what I was doing now.  _Clow. Clow. Where are you? Clow!_  I didn't dare to even think the last thought, the one wanting to be spoken the most. Come back.

There was no response. Silence, mocking.

Suddenly, irrationally furious, I hurled challenge after challenge at him, insulted him, taunted him, succumbing briefly to the need to feel some part of him again, even a whisper of his presence, anything that was directed towards me specifically.

Nothing. As quickly as it had come, my anger drained away, leaving me tired and aching from the expenditure of the magical energy I was trying so hard to conserve.

Finally, I let myself cry. It felt quite good to let go, to discard the image of the cold and collected Guardian in the privacy of my mind, at least. In my true form, even Yukito would be unaware.

But I hadn't reckoned on the Cards.

I sensed their arrival a second before the Cards came, but it was enough to transform back to Yukito.

_Yue? What happened? Why is it so late, you said it was only going to be a few –_

_Yukito. I need you to cover for me._

_What?_

_Tell them I'm asleep, tired, anything. I can't talk to them right now._

_What happened?_ he said, serious this time.

_Later._

Dream appeared in the room, her eyes veiled as always. Which was strange, because when they weren't happy with me Watery was usually the one to turn up immediately. 'Yukito,' she said, and for the first time it struck me that they all addressed him in exactly the same way they addressed me. 'I know he's listening. I know what he's told you, so tell him to stop being an idiot and come out.'

Oh. So that was why.

_I don't want to talk,_  I said before Yukito could ask.

'He doesn't want to talk,' he reported.

'Tell him it's either this or we call Keroberos and make him do the summoning spell.'

I winced and moved forward until Yukito and I stood side by side. The outward form was his, but we could both communicate. It used a lot of magic, but it was convenient in this case. 'Dream. I expected more of you.'

'And here we are,' Watery announced. 'Is Yukito there with you?'

'Yes, I am.'

'Ah. So I can't hit you.'

I smirked. 'Exactly.'

'Yukito, can't you go away for a while?'

I sighed. 'So, you heard me, did you.'

'Are you kidding? You were louder than a foghorn!' Watery looked on the verge of ignoring Yukito's innocence in favour of punching my lights out.

'Watery,' Windy said mildly, zipping in next to her. 'A little nicer, please.'

'He's going through a difficult phase right now,' Dream contributed.

'Was that a pun?' Yukito wondered aloud. I wondered if I could smack myself. 'Oh, well. He just has to wing it until it gets better.'

'No use mooning around. This situation calls for rational thinking.' Watery.

'From this lunatic?' Et tu, Windy?

Unwillingly, I began to laugh at the smooth succession of puns; they'd slipped into routine as if they'd done it forever. I knew what they were doing, of course. The distraction was working, I could feel my composure returning. 'Stop it, you.'

Illusion appeared next to them. 'You were calling Clow,' she said bluntly. The Card spoke, but she preferred to communicate through telepathy. Unlike the others, she could cast her thought into others' minds because of her power, and she liked that better than talking out loud. She said it was too noisy.

I looked away from them, the brief flash of humour lost.

_Was that what you were doing, Yue?_

_And so what if it was?_

_Don't snap at me, I was just asking._

… _I was._

'You were, weren't you,' Watery said accusingly.

'I was,' I said again. I really didn't want to have this conversation. If even Illusion, who was usually sympathetic to others' problems, was on this posse, I had offended the Cards badly. I was expecting some sort of explosion, and Windy's next words stunned me.

'I understand why you'd want to do that, Yue.'

'You do?' I said stupidly.

'Yeah, course we do,' Watery said. 'You love him, don't ya? It's only natural you'd want to know where he is.'

'We're not as bothered as you are by his reappearance, you see,' Dream said. 'We're like Keroberos. We'd be happy if he were alive again, but we've transferred our loyalty to Sakura now. It's different with you.'

'She's my mistress too,' I said, indignant at having my integrity questioned.

'So why don't you call her by her name? You never hesitated with Clow.'

'Clow was…was different.' I could feel Yukito listening. He'd grown suddenly quiet, his aura unreadable.

'Not in the beginning, he wasn't.' Watery shook her head. 'You haven't accepted her yet.'

'No, he hasn't,' Yukito said quietly.

'And what about you?' Windy said unexpectedly.

'I'm not her Guardian,' Yukito said mildly. 'I don't have any magic of my own. It's not relevant what I think of her.'

'Oh.'

I didn't quite understand his relationship with the Cards. He seemed comfortable around them, and they around him; in fact, they treated him like they treated me. The added formality of the Guardian was missing, and Yukito's own approachability and warmth made it easy for them to slip into friendship. But there was something there, between them, some knowledge that they didn't share with me. It irked me that they were keeping something from me, and made me even more determined to unravel the secrets Yukito was hiding. I hate being in the dark about things that concern me, and if Yukito was taking such pains to conceal it from me it definitely had something to do with me or Clow.

Quietly, I retreated, thinking. Tomorrow, I was going to ask Yukito. Tomorrow.

Yukito was at the store, buying himself lunch. I watched in something akin to awe as the groceries piled ever higher. Of course, that ever-present guilt was there as well. It was, after all, my fault that he was growing so weak. Even his football coach had noticed that his running speed was decreasing, and had asked him to take it easy for a while until he was feeling better.

I felt grateful that Yukito didn't think that his weakness had anything to do with me. In that sense, Yukito still thought of himself as human, and sought human answers to his problems; he had visited a doctor the other day, and the poor man had been quite stumped by his apparent health, recommending rest and more sleep.

That didn't stop me from feeling guilty about it. I had made a decision that would in all probability end in my own death. I had planned it all out carefully. If I could avoid using unnecessary magic until my mistress finished transforming all the Cards, I would stand a better chance of survival. I hadn't expected this rash of magical catastrophes, nor my own role in them. Every time I used magic, I threatened myself, and Yukito was collateral damage. I had made the decision reflexively, placing my duty as a Guardian above my need to live. At the time, I would never have admitted it, but a part of me had also just wanted to give up and finish it. I hadn't even thought of Yukito, how my decision would affect him. It seemed unbearably selfish now.

I was killing him. And he didn't even know it.

Still, I had done what was necessary. My duty to the Cards came before anything else. I would do it again if I had to. I could feel guilt, but not regret.

Touya gaped openly as Yukito placed his lunch, which could have fed six or seven, on the table. 'Aren't you eating an awful lot lately?' he inquired.

'I'm just more hungry than usual. Even though I ate five times as much as usual for breakfast!'

That would have wiped the smile right off Touya's face if there had been one there. 'Yuki,' he said.

Yukito made an encouraging sound around his food.

'I don't think you realize, so I'm just going to tell you. I…'

A sudden burst of noise distracted them both. That Akizuki freak was showing off in the courtyard below, taking on the entire basketball team as I remembered Yukito doing once. She was pretty good at it, too, scoring easily against boys twice her size.

'Akizuki-san is amazing, but she isn't in any school clubs.'

'She's like you.'

'You mean not being in any school clubs?'

'…not just that.' He said no more after that.

So Touya knew. I was positive now, he knew she had magic, and he had probably guessed that Yukito was suffering from loss of power. I doubted he knew enough to suspect why, but it wasn't such a leap of logic to figure out how.

Why was my vision darkening?

Not mine. Yukito's.

'Yuki!' Touya said, alarmed. I couldn't see well, my scope of vision was narrowing.

_Yukito!_  I cried, but there was no response.

I could feel him fading away. His presence became dimmer, transparent. I could feel my body suddenly, but it wasn't my form. I was coming forward, but it was to Yukito's form, not mine. Even as I staggered and fell backwards, unprepared to be solid, I realised that he was fading away.

Not so soon. It wasn't supposed to be so soon!

I tried desperately to will myself into the depths of his mind, to bring Yukito forward. It felt as if I were fighting my way through an avalanche. I could still feel it when two strong hands clamped down on my shoulders – Yukito's shoulders – my shoulders? – and then, with one last reach of effort I pulled myself away and pushed Yukito forward.

'Yuki!' I heard Touya say, panicked, and then I knew nothing.

That night, I woke up to Yukito's voice calling me frantically.

_What is it?_ I asked groggily.

_Yue,_  he said, sounding amazingly relieved.  _I kept calling you and you wouldn't wake up._ Yukito's voice was grave.  _Yue, what's wrong?_

_Nothing. I'm just tired. Like you._

_Oh. By the way, Windy came by earlier this evening._

_Evening? How long was I out?_

_A day._

_A day!?_

_Why do you think I was so worried? I nearly called Sakura._

_Don't do that._ I made my voice as firm as I could. She couldn't know I was sick, and even more importantly, why I was sick. If she did, she would stop transforming the Cards, and worse, she might hesitate to use magic when necessary for fear that I would be affected. If this mysterious enemy who was after her ever got serious, hesitation might be the end of her.  _Don't ever do that. She mustn't know we're not well. Not ever._

_All right._ Yukito sounded taken aback. There was a short silence.  _So is this illness magical, then?_

I could feel the questions ahead.  _Something like that,_ I answered evasively.

_Is it dangerous?_

I exhaled.  _No. I can take care of it._

_Okay, then._ Yukito sounded relieved. He hadn't picked up on my lie.

_What did Windy want?_

_I don't know. She left when I told her you were sleeping. She looked worried. Is something wrong?_

Quickly, I filled him in on what had occurred.

_So you think it was Clow._

_So do Keroberos and Fiery. I might suspect myself, with this illness and all, but all three of us? It's almost certain we're correct._

_But Clow died. He t-_

_He what, Yukito?_

Silence.

_Yukito?_

Silence.

_I_ will  _transform if I have to. You can't run away from this forever._

_It was during the time you were in the spell, in the Final Judgment._

Of course. I hadn't sensed Yukito once during the day I had spent in the dream. If he had been separated from me, then he couldn't have existed in the world I had created for myself. So if I had been living Yukito's life, it was only logical that he…

_You saw Clow_ , I said in astonishment. _You were with him._

_Yes._

_What did he tell you?_

_He said he'd died. I'm positive he did._

_What else did he tell you? How much time did you spend with him?_

_Certainly not as much time as you spent in the dream. An hour, maybe._

_Wait. You_ saw _my dream?_ He had only said he knew what it was, not that he'd  _seen_  it. That changed things.

_I did._

My next words spilled out before my intelligence could censor them.  _Are you jealous?_

Oh, Lord. What a foolish question. He had seen me with the man he loved –  _with_ him. Worse, his own feelings for Touya were unconfessed, and all my gentle hints that they were reciprocated were firmly rebuffed. Of course he was jealous.

_I'd be lying if I said I wasn't, a little,_  he admitted.  _But I understand. Really, I do._

_You do know that I – that it was only a dream. I would never…_  I couldn't say the rest. Do what I did in the dream. Come between you. Love him. I let him fill in the blanks.

_Perhaps. But as I said, I understand._ There was a wistful quality to his voice.  _It's only too easy, after all._

I nearly nodded before I stopped myself. The previous topic intruded in my thoughts again.  _So what happened with you and Clow?_

_We talked. That was all._

_Why?_  Keep talking, I commanded him mentally. I needed to know. Clow never did anything without a reason and if he had shown Yukito my life then there was some purpose to it. He had never been this open before, and I took this rare chance to probe the truth of what had happened that day, while I was dreaming.

_That's not what I meant._

… _he gave me memories, I already told you that. He said it was only fair._  Yukito smiled.  _I agree, don't you?_

I supposed it was fair. After all, I knew all of Yukito's memories until the moment I had been unsealed, and now he knew mine. Fair exchange. It was exactly the kind of thing Clow would do, how he would think. It also explained why he had taken to the Cards so easily, and a hundred other little things. And I couldn't really complain about having my privacy invaded, because for every transgression Yukito racked up, I had made ten.

_Don't worry, I still like you._ It was the same tone he used when he was teasing Touya.

_What else did he tell you?_

_Not much. We didn't have time._ Yukito hesitated for a second, and then continued.  _He wanted me to remember being you._

_Remember being me?_

_Haven't you guessed yet, Yue? We are the same, after all._ There was a predatory sound to his voice, as if he was stalking me, trapping me in a corner, forcing me into something. Maybe it was my imagination. Yukito never sounded like that before.

_Wh-what are you talking about?_

_We're the same person, Yue. I realised it the minute I saw your memories. It wasn't like watching someone else's memories. It was like living them, Yue. They were as real to me as anything. That was what Clow wanted me to realise, why he drew me to himself._

_I'm nothing like you._

_You sound very nervous for someone making such a strong statement._

I felt the mad urge to flee, to attack, something, anything.  _It can't be possible. You're a false form, borrowed. You're just a temporary mask for me._

_Is that all you think I am?_  He sounded sad.  _Just a temporary form? Not real?_

_Yes,_ I said harshly, wanting to hurt him, distance him until I could sort through what his words had unleashed.

The connection between us snapped, and I was left alone.

I spent the whole night in a whirlwind of thought. Yukito was awake, but stubbornly not talking to me. He was flipping idly through his books, completing assignments that the teachers hadn't even set, but which Touya had assured him they were going to in the near. That eerie perception of his did have academic uses; Touya used them to maintain excellent grades while holding down his multitude of jobs.

How could he possibly say we were the same person?

A year ago, when Yukito had first begun to draw on my power, I had debated whether to reabsorb him into myself because he was behaving abnormally for a false form. In the end, I had decided that that would be unethical, because we were separate individuals.

The hypocrisy of then deciding whether he could live did not escape me.

But suggesting that we were the same person…ridiculous. We were astonishingly alike in some ways, but on the whole I was very different from Yukito. I had operated on the principle that we were separate for nearly a year; even thinking about the opposite was difficult.

But from the beginning, Yukito hadn't been acting like a false form. False forms had no magic of their own. They had no initiative, were susceptible to quick and deep mental restructuring. Most false forms were incapable of lasting a few hours without instruction from the true form. Except that he was very easy to hypnotise, Yukito had none of these qualities. He had survived without any interference from me for a year and a half; he seemed competent enough to live out a lifetime on his own. He had drawn on my power; even if he couldn't use magic on his own, I could use magic through him.

Then again, Yukito was…I was…

Oh, this was pointless.

I pushed myself forward and seized control of his hand. Yukito gasped in shock as it moved without his consent, pushing aside a textbook and seizing a piece of paper. I wrote  _I need to talk to you_ , my handwriting untidy from incomplete control.

'No,' Yukito said out loud.

I tried again.  _I didn't mean that. I was scared._

He hmmed absently.

_I'm sorry,_ I wrote.

Finally, he reopened the link.  _I forgive you._

_But I don't think you're right._

_That's irrelevant._ And he fell silent again.

We didn't talk any more that night, caught in uneasy neutrality.

In the morning, Yukito acted as if none of it had happened. I played along, feeling out of my depth and relieved that he wasn't pushing anything.

Apparently, he knew me better than I wanted to accept.


	3. Gravitation

'That's a cute bear,' Yukito commented. He was on the high-school side of the fence and the Li brat was on the other, fingering a teddy bear nervously. The boy blushed. Predictable.

_Be charitable,_ Yukito chided. I sneered.

'Oh, I'm about to eat lunch. Care to join me?' Without waiting for a reply, Yukito tossed him the bag and vaulted over the fence. They sat next to each other. The Li brat looked uncomfortable, and his face was very pink.

'I don't know why, but I've been really hungry lately,' Yukito said when the brat's eyes bugged out at the size of the loaf he was chewing his way through. 'Don't be shy. Go on and eat your sandwich.'

'Oh-okay,' the brat said and began to eat.

'Do you mind if I take a look at that bear?'

The brat held the stuffed toy up and Yukito examined it. I watched, curious. Yukito was acting with some purpose in his mind, and I hadn't figured it out yet.

'It's handmade. Did you get it from someone?' Shake. 'So then you made it.' Nod. 'Wow, it looks great! Are you going to give it to someone?'

The boy looked taken aback by that. I could see his thoughts swirl, undecided. Yukito or Sakura? Whatever decision he reached, he didn't like it, because he turned bright red and ran off suddenly.

'Hey!' Yukito said, chasing after him.

_Yue._

_What now? And what was that questioning all about?_

_Tell him about the moon attraction._

_What!_

_I'm serious. I want you to tell him about it. The poor boy's so confused right now._

_No more than he deserves._

_Grow up, Yue. You can't really hold a feud for two centuries._

_He's a brat,_ I muttered, sounding sulky and hating it.

_Sure he is. He's also a sweet, loyal and caring boy, and he's very lonely. She'd be good for him._

_You're trying to set him up with my mistress,_  I accused.

_Yes, I am. They look very cute together, don't you think?_

_Cute? Do you have any idea what that boy's family is like? They're a bunch of power-hungry maniacs, and they're about as honourable as a barracuda._

_Come on, Yue. Don't be so peevish. The boy's nice. Windy told me how much he helped Sakura while she was collecting the Cards. He doesn't seem power-hungry to me. Sakura needs someone like him, someone who's both strong enough to help her and smart enough to give her the space she needs. He's good for her. Better than anyone else around her that she might be interested in._

_Oh, so that's what this is about. You want them to be together so that she'll have someone to fall back on when you reject her._

Yukito coughed.  _Perhaps not so blunt, Yue…but that did occur to me, yes. He already cares for her very much. And he can't help being attracted to me. It's not a very real feeling when magic forces people to care for others._

Over the past year I had become very adept at reading Yukito's voice, since I had no access to his expression or his emotions.  _I truly hope you're not thinking of Touya._

_To-ya? What about him?_ Insincere. That mild surprise, what a fake it was.

_Don't lie to me. And before you ask, I don't think he's particularly affected by the moon power. Seers tend to be less vulnerable to those instincts._

_Oh._ One very speculative word.

_Yes, oh, you idiot._

_About Li…_

_All right, don't nag._

I took control and transformed before flying off after him, keeping just below the level of the trees and out of sight. I found him quickly, looking panicky and still running as if the legions of hell were chasing him.

'…what is going on?!' he pleaded aloud to himself.

I floated down to his level.

'Yu... Yue...' he stuttered.

'One who bears Clow's blood,' I greeted him curtly. 'The reason you feel this way when you see Yukito is that you can feel the presence of the moon's magic.'

'The moon's magic?'

'That's right. If you calm down and face your own heart, you will realize who you really care for.' Yue, the Moon Guardian, playing matchmaker for the Lis. How unbelievably humiliating. If Keroberos ever found out, I'd never hear the end of it. And if  _Touya_  heard about it he'd probably kick me into the next century, magic or no.

'The one I really care for. What do you mean?'

'You figure out the rest.' I transformed back into Yukito.

_I hope you're happy,_  I said grumpily, able to talk to him now.

_Thank you, Yue._

_Pff. Whatever._

_So gracious._ With an ease I would never have, Yukito looked shocked and appropriately disoriented as he said, 'Huh? How did I get here? Oh, yeah, I came to return this to you! Since you worked so hard on it, you should make sure you give it to someone, right?'

Wheels turned, visibly, in the boy's head and he turned a shade of red that I had never seen before.

_You're evil._

_Why thank you. That was a compliment, right?_

_Oh God, I'm encouraging you,_  I moaned.

Yukito laughed and laughed.

'Yuki!' it was a very specific tone of voice, one both he and I had quickly become accustomed to thinking of as give-me-solace-from-the-rabid-screechy-stalker. Touya jogged up behind Yukito as he walked away from the Li, who was still staring into midair with a look of mildly crazed speculation.

'What is that brat doing here?' said Touya, glaring at the Li. The boy promptly snapped out of his trance and they locked fiery gazes. I could almost see the sparks in the air.

I didn't know whether to feel pity or amusement. Those two were apparently destined to be at loggerheads forever. The Li had decided very early that he and Touya were vying for Yukito's affections. I sincerely doubted that the shift from being his romantic rival to his sister's suitor would make him any more popular with Touya. Less, if possible.

'He's not such a bad sort, be nice,' Yukito said mildly.

'I don't dislike him for what he's done; I dislike him for what he's going to do.'

'Oh? Is this something you…saw?'

Grunt.

'My, my. Is it safe to assume that you're talking about Sakura?'

Touya shot Yukito a Look. It was one of those that went straight through amber and skewered both of us with regal disapproval. 'You know about that?'

'He looks like a tomato whenever he's within ten feet of her.'

'He is obvious. The brat.'

'Ah, the sister complex strikes again.'

Eyebrow twitch.

'If you're like this when she's only eleven, I shudder to think what you'll do when she's old enough to date.'

'I,' growled Touya, ' _really_  don't want to think about that.'

Yukito laughed lightly. 'You'll have to accept that she's going to be old enough for all that some day. She won't be your baby sister for ever, you know, and just because you don't date doesn't mean she shouldn't.' He placed a hand under his chin and smiled: sunny, innocent and pure evil. I could sense it; I was so close to the surface. 'I wonder what would happen if I were to suddenly say something like "Sakura's getting married!"'

Touya shuddered. 'Don't even talk about it.'

'Perhaps I should wake you up that way sometime, To-ya. It might be interesting to see your reaction.' Yukito touched a thoughtful finger to his nose, struggling to keep a straight face.

'You're never sleeping over again. Ever.'

'Your poor, fragile nerves.'

'Shut up.'

They walked along in companionable silence for a while.

'Yuki.'

'Hmmm?'

'You've been falling asleep a lot lately. Have you…are you…'

'I'm just fine, To-ya,' he said firmly. 'There's nothing to worry about.'

'Fine, bullshit. You fainted that day, don't deny it.'

'I was just hungry, that's all. The doctor said my blood sugar's quite low these days.' The lies slipped from him with such ease. I could never lie like that. 'Maybe I should eat more sweets.'

'You, with low blood sugar? You eat more chocolate in a day than I get through in a week.'

'What can I say? I'm made that way.' There was nothing but cheerful self-mockery in his tone, but both of us caught the underlying bitterness.

'Yuki, I–'

'TOOOUUYAAAAA!'

There she was again. 'Akiz-urkk!' Touya said as she clamped down hard on his vocal cords. He scrabbled at her arms as he choked, and she released her grip ever so slightly as she glared at me. Why was she acting jealous? Had she picked up on what Yukito was feeling?

Touya gasped and panted with relief as he became reacquainted with air. 'Get-off-me,' he said slowly and evenly.

'Aww, you're no fun,' she pouted. 'Why don't you hang out with me? You keep sticking to boring old Tsukishiro here.' What a surprise. She actually knew my name. 'I'm so much more fun!'

'I,' Touya said in the same tone, 'loathe and despise you. If I never see you again, it will be too soon. Go away.'

For a second, she looked as if she was going to cry. Then, just as Touya began to relax, she brightened. 'Oh, I get it!' she said, waving her finger in the air. 'You're pushing me away because you secretly like me and are afraid of true love and commitment. Also, you're very bad at revealing your true feelings, so I will have to do it for you!'

A large bead of sweat rolled gently down Touya's poor, abused head. 'I…' he began.

'Say no more!' she said, all chirpy again. 'I will win your cold heart and make you mine forever!'

And she danced away, singing something about 'Dark dark eyes, tall strong boy, oh he's a dream, oh he's a joy, isn't he fine, he's all mine, mine, mine, miiiiiiineeee!'

'There goes a girl who reads way too many shoujo manga,' Touya said. He looked traumatised. Even I felt sympathetic.

'And do you really like her, Touya?' Yukito said. His voice was bland and teasing. And to my ears at least, painfully vulnerable.

Didn't the boy have any self-esteem?

'Of course not,' said Touya, looking revolted. 'That…thing?'

'You do tend to push people away when you like them. Maybe she's on to something after all.'

'Maybe you're being an idiot.'

'What are you talking about, To-ya?' I felt my vision waver as Yukito blinked innocently up at the taller boy.

'It's impossible that you haven't noticed.'

'Noticed what, To-ya?'

Touya turned so fast that Yukito stepped backwards instinctively. 'Do you really have no idea what I've been trying to tell you, Yuki?' He looked deep into his eyes and I flinched back from the intensity in his gaze; it went too deep too easily.

'Akizuki!' somebody hollered from the distance. 'What are you doing up in that tree? Do you think you can fly? Get down, you idiot! You're going to fall!'

Touya huffed, frustrated, and stepped away.

'To-ya?'

'Not now. Maybe later.' Yukito fell silent, but he was clearly hurt. Touya sensed it. 'I'm not mad, Yuki. Not at you, anyway.' He ruffled his hair, and Yukito smiled up at him, such a big smile that even I could feel it.

'Come on. Hopefully we'll get to class without being ambushed again.'

Yukito finally laughed and fell into step beside him.

_Yukito._

It was evening, and we were at home. Yukito was asleep. Lately, one or the other of us seemed to be asleep all the time.

_What?_

_I was thinking about what you said last night._

_And…_

_I don't know._

_Hmmm._

_I mean, this is ridiculous. I can't be you. You can't be me. We're very different._

_I never said I was you._

_That's exactly what you said._

_No, I said we were the same person, not that I was you or that you were me. The implications are different._

Since when did Yukito use words like 'implication'? It was completely unlike him. In fact (and this gave me a chill) it sounded like the kind of phrasing Clow would use.  _I don't get it._

_We seem to be one person divided in two. Separate but not whole._

_Give me proof._

_I–_

We both stopped. The doorbell had chimed.

_Later,_ Yukito suggested as he went to the door. I started when I sensed my mistress outside. Had I really been so preoccupied that I hadn't noticed her approach?

The bear was glowing redly, and it was swelling up even faster until it was twice the size of my house. Quickly, I pushed Yukito out of the way and transformed, flying my mistress to safety. I attempted to attack, my crystals flying forward. The attack was repelled as easily as before. My crystals were absorbed into a shield, and the spell that repelled it sent a bolt of pain through me as I reabsorbed the energy I had made the crystals with. Whoever cast that spell had an intimate knowledge of how my magic worked, because they knew that when that happened, my body drew all its magic into itself to soften the shock.

In this case, it meant that my wings disappeared.

I tucked my mistress securely in my arms, ready to break her fall in case I couldn't stop myself. It was the worst sort of déjà vu. A memory flickered; Yukito, saving Sakura from another injury, wrapping his own arms around her, breaking her fall the night of the Tomoeda quiz rally. This fall was from a much greater height, and even my stronger body would sustain severe damage. My eyes closed in resignation as she screamed.

'Sakura!' Keroberos cried, transforming. He broke our fall on his wings. I lay there, trying not to gasp as the energy from the repelled crystals swirled ferociously in me.

'Are you all right?' the Sun Guardian demanded.

'I'm all right. But Yue…'

'I'm all right,' I said harshly. If she worried about me she wouldn't be able to fight.

'Are you really all right, Yue?'

'Yes,' I said again.

'Really, really all right?'

'Yes.' Why was she asking?

'Oh, I'm glad,' she said and turned one of her brilliant smiles on me. I was shocked.

What had I ever done for her to make her so happy that I was alive? She didn't even like me much.

Oh, right. Yukito. If I was hurt, her precious crush would be injured as well. It's not as if the Moon Guardian was anything to her, after all. The way she reacted to my presence, I occasionally felt that I was better off guarding her from a distance.

Lately it seemed as if no one even knew I was alive. Or cared. After all, he was better than I was in most ways. He was nice, generous, warm and friendly; and I had the wide (and somewhat deserved) reputation of being crabby, moody, cold and rude.

I could sense him again.

There was no more doubt in my mind. This was definitely Clow at work. This magic, the string trick that had trapped the Li a few days ago; they were all favourite tricks of his. And he had been particularly adept at weather magic. Besides, a giant psychotic teddy bear was just his style. The man had a very very strange sense of humour. Look at Keroberos' false form. I suppose I should be grateful my own wasn't that ridiculous. Although Yukito's appetite was insanity enough.

But if it  _was_  Clow, why hadn't he contacted me? -Us? Why hadn't he let us know earlier, why was he tricking us all from the shadows?

Of course. He was no longer my master. She had taken his place. And it was in Clow's best interests to ensure that she transformed the Cards as soon as possible, since they would die if left untransformed too long. Keroberos had probably figured this out already.

But why had he let her become my mistress if he was still alive?

Yukito leaned against the tree, waiting for Touya. I was tired, very tired. But I couldn't let myself just fall asleep like I wanted, not when he was almost falling over with exhaustion.

'Somehow... I can't seem to eat enough these days...recently...I've been strangely tired... and...sleepy...'

He leaned against the tree, folding his arms and closing his eyes, a posture startlingly similar to mine. I didn't know where he had learnt it.

'Yuki...? Yuki...'

Yukito's eyes struggled open to see Touya standing there, looking worried and tense. He summoned up the energy to sound normal.

'Oh, To-ya! So your soccer meeting is over?'

'Yeah,' he exhaled, stepping a little closer. And a little closer still. Yukito stopped breathing altogether, and I could feel the meteoric rise of his pulse. 'To-ya...?'

Those eyes, too dark, looked so deep I wondered if I, too, was only a false form for something else that only he could see. Dimly, I was aware that I had stopped breathing too. Yukito was right up against the tree, and Touya was close enough for me to see every flicker of subtle expression on his face, and Yukito had always read him perfectly except in this one thing, he knew his every twitch and sound like I knew my own magic, and this expression was so obvious I was startled that he had missed it…

'What is it?' Yukito asked. It was a miracle that his voice was so even.

'Yuki...' he struggled for words. 'You know, you're well-liked and popular even if you don't know you're popular... If you don't need me, then...'

'Why wouldn't I need you?' Yukito asked, curious and shy and painfully sincere. Touya was leaning against the tree now, his arm near my head. If he stepped just three inches closer it would be an embrace. Just three inches more. Don't hesitate, To-ya…

'You know what I mean! I... I...' Two inches.

'I what?'

The voice was alien. It fit so badly with the last minute that it was a second before Yukito or I even realised that someone had spoken. Touya yelped and stepped away, and I had time to feel my bones ache with suddenly purposeless tension as that Akizuki…woman…swung from the branches of the tree and landed before us. Yukito blinked several times.

She was babbling, and he looked suspicious. Everything was familiar, right up to the point where he left to talk to our teacher and she stayed behind. Wasn't she supposed to go with him? Hadn't that been the entire point of this exercise in interruption?

'You may not realize it,' she said very seriously, 'but you're asleep a lot.'

'Eh?' said Yukito stupidly. I confess I would probably have come up with the same answer.

'So you should stay out of my way!' and she giggled and ran off as the bells rang.

What was going on?

I returned home that night after visiting Sakura, my head in a whirl. Keroberos and the Cards knew I was losing power.

The Cards were waiting for me. All fifty-two of them.

'Yue,' Windy greeted me. As always, she had assumed spokesmanship.

'Windy,' I said, taken aback. 'What are you all doing here?'

'We've been discussing what to do about your power being drained, and we've come to some conclusions.'

'Meaning we're going to talk and you're going to listen,' Watery added oh-so-helpfully. 'Or I can get Power to sit on you until you agree.'

'Freeze, would you please?' Windy said in a long-suffering tone. The fishlike Card complied instantly, trapping Watery in its hold. The Card struggled for a moment before she gave up.

'Now that that's over.' Windy turned serious. 'We've decided that this threat is serious and that it deserves full security measures.'

I raised an eyebrow. Full security meant that all the Cards went everywhere with her, whether she wanted them to or not. Keroberos would remain in constant contact with his Cards since he couldn't be seen in public, and I would assume my human form to escort her to as many places as possible. If the Cards had decided this, then they certainly had reason to. 'All right,' I agreed. 'I'll try and stay closer to our mistress from now on. Maybe I could move into a different house, one that's closer…'

'No,' Fiery said firmly. She had a raspy voice, low and husky, but not unpleasant. She did tend to hiss a little. 'You ssertainly won't.'

'Pardon?' Since when did  _they_  get to tell me what to do?

'You're going to sstay ass far from the actshion ass we can let you be,' Fiery said. 'We can't rissk you more than we already are.'

'And what if the mistress gets into a situation you lot can't help her out of alone?'

'And what if you collapse in the middle of a battle because she transformed a moon-ruled Card?' Windy retorted. Dash whimpered in her lap, disturbed by my distress. I crooked a finger at him and he leapt into my arms. I stroked him soothingly.

'Firey,' Watery complained from inside Freeze, her voice garbled from being frozen. 'Let me out, please, please, please!' The sun-ruled Card sighed and began working at the fishlike Freeze, which, obeying Windy, held on tighter. It was a rather entertaining tug-of-war, and everyone stopped to watch it for a second.

'Yue,' Dream said gently. 'It is our care for you that prompts this. You gave us first place by rejecting that attraction spell. We're only returning the favour.'

'You forget. I'm the Guardian, not you. You can't order me.'

'Can'twe?' said Shot, her spiky hair quivering. 'I'dliketoseeyouwinagainstallofus. Notwhenyou'relikethis, youcan't. Trymeanytime.'

'What sshe ssaid. Only more polite.'

'If you think I'm going to listen to this for one more minute…' I began.

Shadow leaned down to speak and Windy listened, nodding at intervals. 'He says that if you get killed being reckless, you'll leave us with only one Guardian and we'll be even weaker than before. Not to mention breaking Sakura's heart when she finds out. And he says she will, sooner or later.' Shadow nodded, the cowl bobbing up and down in emphasis.

'But this threat. How will you handle it?'

'Quite well, thanks,' Watery said, finally breaking free of Freeze's chokehold. She shot the Card a dirty look and blew Fiery a kiss before she continued.

'It hasn't been too dangerous so far. And if it gets worse, we'll let you know, Yue. You know we will.'

'Sakura is first priority, always,' Mirror said, speaking for the first time. There was a round of nods. Even Dash chirped in assent, and I tapped him gently on the forehead, right over the diamond, to shush him.

'You all got together and decided this,' I said. 'Was my idiot brother involved?'

'Oh no,' Fiery said. 'He wass playing ssome gamess when we ssneaked off.'

'Typical.'

'He'ss not sso bad.'

'He's worse,' the Twins said together. They didn't really like him much.

'So this means you won't visit me anymore?' I asked, disliking how weak I sounded.

'I'm sorry, Yue. But you can always fly over.' Windy laid a cool hand on my cheek. I started; she was cooler than I was all the time, but her hand had always been warm before. Come to think of it, the Cards were all in Yukito's living room, but I hadn't felt the temperature rise at all. With so many presences, the energy levels should have shot up, but…

'You're already losing body heat,' I breathed.

Wood nodded. The most beautiful of the Cards, she was also the only one who was silent by choice instead of nature. She said that she could only feel her magic when she was silent, preferring to communicate by sign language, and as always Windy translated the graceful flickering of her hands. 'We can sense how weak you're getting, as well. And Yukito is even weaker.'

'Yukito?'

'Clow talked about this once. I was there. He said that if a magical being began to lose power, it would discard or absorb any false forms it bore in order to stay alive longer.'

A chill went through me as I heard this bit of information. If I was this weak, Yukito had to be ten times worse. And if this continued, he would…

'That's why you must conserve your power, Yue.' Dream again. 'Yukito is essential – to you, and to Sakura. We must protect the two of you as well. It is our duty to you as our Guardian.'

'All right. I accept what you're doing. But if there is danger–'

'Of course we will not stand in your way.' One by one, the Cards began to flicker out of the room, returning to their physical forms. Windy, Mirror, Watery and Dream remained until the end. My harem, Clow had called them once, laughing at the way they stuck instinctively to me whenever we were together.

'Come see us soon,' Windy said, hugging me in farewell.

'Don't do anything stupid,' Watery warned.

Dream merely nodded at me, too aloof to resort to hugging, but I could sense the affection in the clasp of her hands.

'Well, brat,' I said to Mirror. 'Apparently you won't be hogging the pillows for a while.'

Predictably, she whined and hugged me.

After they left, I sat alone in the living room for a long time, thinking.

Well, I wasn't alone. I could still feel Yukito in the back of my mind. I probed his aura, alarmed at what I found. Instead of the year that I had estimated he would last, the drain looked as if it would be complete in five or six months. Once Yukito was…gone…I would follow.

I was running out of time.

Music. A solo piano, playing in one of the schoolrooms, quick and subtle. Yukito moved towards it, curious, and I went with him.

To my surprise, it was Touya who was playing, eyes focused on the keys, playing from memory. The piano was easy to play and hard to play well, but he had a natural talent for it, just like Clow had.

Yukito paused outside the door, not wanting to disturb him, and leaned back against the wall, listening to him play.

_He's really good,_  he said to me.

_Yes, he is. He never told anyone he could play, did he?_

_Even I didn't know. Typical To-ya._

Yukito fell silent. The song continued, haunting and intricate. When Touya finished, he clapped softly, and the boy looked up, startled out of his memories.

'You're very good, To-ya,' Yukito said quietly.

He began the song again, not looking this time, gentler and more reflective.

It's a song I've never heard before.'

'My mother composed it.' As always, his eyes softened when he talked about her.

'It's very beautiful.'  
'Yeah.' Yukito closed his eyes, letting it wash over him. We could both feel Touya, watching us intently as he played.

'Yuki.'

'What is it?'

'I –…You…'

'TOOuyAAA!'

His hand slipped and struck a jarring note as that…succubus…clambered in at the window, squealing excitedly. Again. She had perfect timing. Or none, depending on the perspective.

She was beginning to grate on my last nerve.

Touya nodded and gave Yukito one of his half-second smiles as he walked into the store.

'The usual, Yuki?'

Yukito laughed. '…I think I'll take a little extra, hmm, To-ya?'

Extra was an understatement. The pile of groceries he brought to the checkout counter where Touya was waiting was almost twice its usual size. The other boy raised a long, thin eyebrow. 'Isn't this a lot, even for you?'

'Hmm? Oh, I guess I'm just hungry, that's all.'

'About your appetite…' Touya began. Yukito froze, and I could feel him placing himself under perfect control.

'Oh, it's nothing, To-ya. Just a temporary thing. I'll be fine in a few days.'

'Days, Yuki? You've been like this since last term.'

'It's none of your business, Touya.' Yukito's voice was harsher than it ever was, and he had dropped the subtle nickname. 'I can handle it. I don't see why you're being so clingy all of a sudden.'

Touya's eyes narrowed. 'Fine. It's not like I have the right to argue with you.' A deliberate, icy pause. 'Or do I?'

Yukito didn't reply, silently damning his statement.

Touya's eyes widened a little with shock and pain before his face settled into an impassive mask. He maintained a sub-zero silence as he finished checking the items out and handed Yukito the parcels. Yukito didn't say another word, leaving without a goodbye. I knew that what inspired his outburst had been worry and fear, not anger; so did Touya. But his words had been calculated to hurt, and for once the other boy was open with what he was feeling.

I had never seen them fight before. Even when he was feeling teasing or manipulative, Yukito knew how far he could push Touya, and Touya was always considerate of his feelings. It was a very strong friendship, and this fight troubled me.

Yukito walked out of the store and down the street. He was almost fifty metres away from the store when he stopped suddenly, dropping the heavy packages on the sidewalk and blinking back the first tears.

'What am I doing?' he mumbled. 'What was I thinking?'

I wanted to reach out, to offer my sympathy, but the link between us was closed and only he could open it. I had no way of communicating that I wanted to talk.

There was a small park near the road, with many comfortable benches, only five minutes' walk away. Yukito sat down on one, knees drawn up to his chest, and buried his face in his hands. I withdrew. It wasn't fair of me to watch this.

I returned cautiously about half an hour later when I heard a voice call out his name.

'To-ya?' Yukito had removed his glasses at some point, and as he wore them again the dark blur that was approaching resolved into Touya.

'Yuki,' he said with some relief as he sat down on the bench. 'Thank goodness you're here. I thought…'

'I'm sorry,' Yukito said, looking away. 'I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that for being a good friend. I know you're worried, but I can handle this, To-ya. I will.'

Touya sighed and relaxed a little. 'I'd leave it alone if I could, Yuki. But I don't think you know what's wrong with you, and that's what's scaring you. Isn't it?'

'Not really.' Yukito gave him a watery smile. 'How did you know I was here, anyway? It's not on my way home.'

Touya looked briefly surprised. 'I always know where you are, Yuki.'

'Want to stop by home and get a bite to eat?'

'Sure. I skipped dinner, so I'm quite hungry.' They started walking together. I wasn't really paying attention to their conversation (something about bicycles), feeling too sleepy. I had been awake for two hours now, and I was getting a little tired. There was a little prickle of magic in the distance, and it felt like my mistress' kind of magic. It made me uneasy, but I ignored it.

I was jolted back to awareness when the prickle grew to a flood.  _Oh, no,_  I whispered, realising what had happened. She was trying to change the Cards without any need. That made the drain on my powers, and Keroberos', all the stronger. He could survive, but I…..

It felt as if the power was being ripped from me, each Card she transformed drawing more and more as Sakura cut off the power she was feeding me and transferred it to them…

One.

'Yuki!' Touya cried as I felt Yukito slump bonelessly to the ground.

Two.

The road impacted against Yukito's cheek, and with the odd duality I experienced sometimes, I could feel it myself and thought  _that's going to be a big bruise_  with insane clarity.

Three.

Each transformation pulsed through me like a wave. Yukito's self began to fade, and I felt my own instincts take over, pushing forward to keep from falling into the void.

Four.

Yukito slid back and I was close, so close, to the surface. I didn't transform – that took an effort of will – but he was not in control anymore.

Five.

'Yu…ki…' Touya said softly, as he placed his hand at my temple. Of course. He knew what was happening.

Six.

God, how many Cards was she trying to transform? She could kill herself!

Seven.

I reached out to Yukito's presence, clutching it close, resisting the impulse to let it go and let my power take it. If I did, the pain would stop, and he would die. No.

Eight.

My power latched onto Yukito, and I couldn't resist any more. One more Card, and he would die.

But there wasn't any more. I shook with effort, trying not to make a sound, relaxing slowly in Touya's embrace as the force that was ripping me apart slowly subsided. There was still a drain – she must still be using magic – but I was returning.

Yukito. I felt for his presence frantically before I found him. Still alive. I breathed out in relief, and called him back.

No response. Alarmed, I reached in further, but there was nothing there. It was almost as if he couldn't come back, couldn't get a grip on him.  _Yukito!_ I called, but there was nothing.

In desperation, I drew instinctively from the nearest power source: Touya. I heard him draw his breath in sharply as he felt his own magic being drawn from him. Fuelled by that additional force, I was able to reach through the distance and pull Yukito back forward, falling back to my own place, utterly exhausted.

'To-ya…' Yukito said. I couldn't see anything until he opened his eyes to find himself half lying, half sitting on the road, one of Touya's arms behind him, the other palm braced over his forehead. 'What happened?'

'You had another fainting fit.'

'Oh.' He stood up, brushing the dirt off himself. 'Thanks for catching me.'

'No problem. Yuki…'

'Yes, Touya?'

'…never mind.'

They continued to talk, but I was thinking of something else.

Touya…


	4. Waning

'Uh, Yue? You can come over here.'

Why was she worried about me? I was fine where I was, being soaked in the rain. 'I'm all right.'

'But it would be bad if you caught a cold.'

'I don't catch colds.'

'Oh,' she said. I tensed – I could feel Clow's aura again. The weather jelled perfectly with my mood – wet and miserable.

'This isn't good,' Keroberos said just then. 'I can't go back to my usual form.'

'What?' my mistress gasped.

Suspicious, I attempted to transform, and met a barrier. 'I can't turn into Yukito.'

It was just like him, I thought bitterly. It was a new moon, and the lack of strength was making me slightly dizzy, not to mention moody and depressed. Just like him to think up something so ridiculous and dangerous at the same time. The two-faced manipulator was probably laughing his guts out right now while I became wetter and wetter.

In the end, she went in and opened her window for us, nervously signalling us up. Keroberos went first, trying valiantly to slip through the tiny window of her room. It would have been a tight fit at any time, but with his gigantic wings it was absolutely impossible. I watched with some amusement as he grunted and scrabbled wildly. Oh, the Cards were going to have fun with this. Fiery especially. I felt the laughter bubbling up and repressed it sternly. It was all very well to laugh, but in my role as Guardian I was supposed to be the sober one – and, since Keroberos was my counterpart, the intelligent one. I suddenly wished I could show Yukito this. He was just the kind who'd love it.

Finally, I lost patience and floated up behind them silently. My mistress had caught Keroberos' paws in her hands and both were pulling to absolutely no effect and making a real scene. A very uncharitable part of me wanted to send him through by kicking him in the rear. Instead, I offered, 'Fold your wings,' in my driest voice. It was priceless to watch them both look twitchy and embarrassed as large beads of sweat rolled gently down their heads. Keroberos put his wings away and huffed through the sill, and I followed. Much more gracefully.

We stood inside her bedroom, dripping water on her carpet. Keroberos shook himself, sending a rain of water all over the room, my mistress and my own poor self. I winced slightly at the strong smell of wet lion, turning my face away from the miniature thunderstorm. He needed a bath. The smell of lion grew stronger as he attempted to transform again. I wanted to open the window, but was unsure if my mistress would like that.

'Hey monster?' oh, no. Not Touya. Not now, please.

He opened the door about halfway, looking inside the room suspiciously. He knew quite well what – or who – was inside, but he pretended not to.

I had several ideas about why Touya never told my mistress he knew. One reason was certainly his own, essentially passive nature, which believed that everyone's business was their own. Another was his respect for her, which I'm sure went over her head, as such things were wont to do. The last was probably that making her and Kero (and I) twitch, sweat drop and worry was real fun.

The last was definitely what prompted this visit, and I relaxed as I understood that he wasn't going to push matters very far this time. Keroberos and I flattened ourselves against the wall; he even spread his wings and raised his paws, looking absolutely ridiculous. I merely stood there, arms folded, as Sakura babbled and stammered and finally pushed him out as he stood there with an expression of innocence on his face. I couldn't see him, but I knew it was there just as surely as Yukito would have known.

Once again, I wondered whether to tell my mistress that he knew. But if Touya wasn't going to push matters, then there was no point, really.

'Er…you can have the bed, Yue,' she offered.

I shook my head. It was inappropriate for myself to sleep on a bed when she would be on the floor, and no other option was remotely acceptable. I leaned against her dresser, kneeling down and resting my elbow on my knee. 'This is fine.'

'Are you sure you don't want the bed?'

'I'm fine!' I said, perhaps too sharply, because her face fell.

'I notice you're not asking me whether I want the bed,' Keroberos contributed. I made no reply, but I let smugness radiate through my aura.

'Er….that's because you…because…'

I knew exactly what she was getting at. Keroberos was a difficult bed partner, as I had quickly discovered in my brief childhood. He tended to kick, roll, paw and growl in his sleep. He also snored, and tore the bed sheets when he was having particularly vivid dreams. Leaving him on a bed meant certain ruin for the bed, anyone on it and everyone else in the vicinity. I myself had only lasted a week before politely but firmly taking over another bedroom while loftily ignoring Clow's manic giggling.

I was not looking forward to spending the night here.

My mistress lay down on the bed and her eyes closed almost immediately. I watched her from under hooded eyes as she fell asleep.

'Keroberos,' I mumbled.

'What?'

'Dry yourself off. You stink.'

His reply was not worth mentioning, even if his volume was surprisingly considerate of her slumber.

He did dry off.

Sometime in the night, I was roused by a heavy weight. Keroberos was slumped all over me, snoring mightily in my throat as I half-reclined on the floor. The vibrations radiated up to my skull and a headache was beginning to form. My arms had already fallen asleep, partially pinned under two hundred pounds or so of lion. I pushed him out of my half-embrace groggily and resumed my earlier position. Just as I was about to drop off, I felt my mistress stir. I kept my eyes closed as I felt hers on me. She watched me for a long time before she fell asleep again.

I knew exactly what she was thinking. Yukito. I was worried about him myself.

Trapped in my true form like this, there was no way for me to force Yukito back into consciousness. If I were normal, I would be able to jolt him out of the waiting-place he was in simply by transforming my body. The power drain couldn't resist that force, just like a small lever could lift large weights if force and strength were correctly applied. But if I couldn't transform, there would be nothing preserving Yukito's consciousness. With enough time, he would be reabsorbed. In a week or two, Yukito's self would be beyond recall.

And I had no idea why this was happening.

Figure something out, Yue, and figure it out quickly or you'll be risking more than discovery.

I woke up first. Ironic, considering that the Sun Guardian was sprawled out on the floor, all four limbs in the air like a puppy, in spite of the sun rising in the east. I felt slightly refreshed by the sleep, but being in my true form was wearing me down.

I could hear movement downstairs. My mistress' father, no doubt, or else Touya. Both were early risers. From Yukito's habit of sleeping over at least once a week, I was familiar with Touya's morning routine. Get up, shower, make a mug of tea (and something else to eat if Yukito was awake), check in on his father and Sakura, sort through his homework while drinking the t–

Oh no. No, no, no. I stood jerkily. Had he already been in here? Had he seen me?

No, probably not. I wasn't a very light sleeper, especially since my power had begun to decline, but I would have woken if the door had opened.

A strong, light tread, walking up the stairs.

Instinct moves faster than the quickest mind. I flattened myself against the back of the door, praying that Touya would only use his eyes and not his other senses to examine the room. Twice in as many days was too much to be hiding from him.

The door creaked open. I stopped breathing, curled my aura in as tight around me as I could. It was easy; there was so little of it left. I could sense him beyond the door, could almost feel the warmth of his hand on the handle.

Touya snorted, obviously amused by Keroberos' sleeping position. 'Honestly,' he murmured, only a couple of inches from me. He made as if to close the door before all movement ceased abruptly. I froze. Had he felt me? Then he relaxed, breathing out. I did, too.

Then he knocked on the door, three times, slow and deliberate, right at the level of my eyes, and shut it. I heard a chuckle as the footsteps retreated down the hall.

The bones in my knees had suddenly been replaced by jelly.

'Huh? Uh?' Keroberos said, jerking awake with the aid of a helpful bare foot in a ticklish spot on his ribs. 'Where's the food?'

I rolled my eyes, feeling much more relaxed around him now that my mistress was asleep. 'Is that all you think of? I mean, ever?'

He considered that seriously. 'No, I like video games too.'

And people said that he was my brother. Honestly. Clow must have had a fever when he was creating him. Then again, he hadn't been the most sane of people, either, and he had probably  _intended_ to make him this way.

Keroberos rolled over, looking blearily at me. 'So have you tried transforming yet?'

I shook my head and attempted the transformation. Nothing happened – again. I folded my arms and stood back.

'Oh, I'd better give it a go then,' he said with no great hope. He went over to the bed and prodded experimentally at my mistress. 'Sakura! Sakura, wake up. It's time to try again.'

Sleepy green eyes opened as she watched him try – and fail – to transform. I sighed inaudibly. This was getting worrying.

It was decided that my mistress would do her chores before trying to find out what was wrong with us. 'Kero? Why don't you help me?'

'That means you're making Yue help out as well, right? It's unfair for just ME to work!'

My mistress sweatdropped, and I could clearly see the images running through her head. Me washing the rice. Me cleaning the bathtub. Me putting laundry on the clothesline and vacuuming. It was probably the wrong moment to tell her that I had occasionally been drafted into such work around Clow's mansion, especially after disastrous losses to Keroberos in backgammon. Chores had been a common stake in those games. 'Yue…' she began nervously. I managed to weasel my way out of it by giving her my most icy and aloof look. My mistress crumbled without resistance.

'Ehhh…you just put your feet up,' she said.

'Aah!' Keroberos yowled. 'What was that all about? Why am I always the one that has to help out?' Enraged, the gigantic lion thrashed about the room, tossing furniture aside in his temper tantrum. 'Why am I always the one responsible for things?'

I tried not to snicker as I watched him do the chores, complaining loudly all the time.

'What?! Nothing's changed at all,' Keroberos contributed gloomily. 'You and Clow both let him get away with murder.'

She giggled nervously and started her work. I felt vaguely guilty for standing around while she worked, but she seemed to enjoy it, and I really was very tired. I was not going to reveal my exhaustion by sitting down, but I leaned ever so casually against the wall. On no account could she know that she was the cause of my weakness.

She looked at me oddly for a second, and I straightened hastily, but then Keroberos played the fool with the flour, and all was safe.

My mistress trailed after Keroberos and I was left in the empty kitchen, staring down at the messy floor. After a few seconds, I decided to clean it up. I summoned my magic, just a little trickle of it, and gathered all the dust into a pile. I was just going to levitate it over to the bin when I felt her transform a Card. Luckily, it wasn't one of the moon-ruled (Bubbles, I thought, considering that she and Keroberos were in the bathroom), but the drain on my strength was immediate, and the flour fell into a dusty heap on the floor as I resisted the need to keel over. The dizziness faded as she gave the Card its task, settling into a steady throbbing like a migraine. No more magic today. I picked up the dustpan and cleaned up the mess the 'ordinary' way (as Yukito would have put it), and had the floor sparkling clean by the time she returned.

She looked at the floor, and wheels turned visibly in her head. 'D-did you clean this?'

I made no reply to that. I was still slightly embarrassed, and also dizzy. 'What is he doing?'

'Oh, I made Bubbles bathe him just like Clow used to.'

'How did you know that?'

I hadn't told anyone, not ever…

'Kero told me,' she said and I relaxed.

For a moment, I allowed myself to be caught in memory. The first time Clow had used Bubbles, the Card had been…enthusiastic. She had washed, not just Keroberos, but also the dishes, the laundry and the walls. While Clow and I were still trying to find out how to restrain her (and Keroberos choked on bubbles), she had decided that the smudges of chalk, incense and garden dirt on Clow's old work robe needed cleaning, and gone about it without taking the robe off him first. Keroberos and I had laughed ourselves sick that day at the expression on his face as he tried desperately to ignore the ticklish sensation the bubbles caused and find his staff in the sea of foam three feet deep that was shrouding the floor, glaring at me while I floated safely above the whole mess, wheezing and gasping for breath as I giggled madly…

'Yue-san, you really do love Clow-san, don't you?' she asked out of the blue. 'Even now.'

'Why do you say that?' I said. She had said as much to me right after the Final Judgment, but I had been too shocked then to question how she knew.

'Because when you talk about Clow-san, you have a very kind expression on your face.' Kind? Me? What was she thinking? 'Dad told me that he still loved my mother, so that if he was reincarnated, he would still fall in love with her. You look like my dad when he was talking like that, so I thought you had similar feelings.'

I must have had a most undignified expression on my face. My mind was a complete blank. Strange, that this little girl could provoke so much thought in me.

After Yukito fell asleep that night, I waited for a few minutes, transformed and flew over to my mistress' house. I didn't enter; I simply perched on the roof, tucked behind the small chimney, and waited for someone to notice me.

I wasn't surprised when Watery came out first. As an attack Card, she was bound to be more sensitive. And if she had come to investigate directly, that meant that they were being serious about protecting her. Good.

'Yue,' she said. 'Feeling lonely?'

'Not exactly,' I said, staring at the moon. 'I need to talk to you. All of you. It's an emergency.'

'I'll call the others.'

In about three minutes, the roof was crammed with magical beings hovering in the sky, sitting on the roof or on various parts of me. Keroberos was seated directly in front of me. Illusion was taking care of the concealment, with a little help from Cloud, and if it came to the worst there was always Erase. 'All right, talk,' he said, very much the Sun Guardian at this moment.

'I want a foretelling,' I said. 'For Yukito and for me.'

Keroberos grunted. 'I was wondering when you'd ask me.'

'I can't do it without you all, and I won't ask you to drain so much of your energy without your permission.'

'It'stheleastwecando,' Shot said immediately. 'You'regivingupmagicforus, sothisshouldn'tbesomuchtroubleforusatall. You'reourGuardianaren'tyou.' There were murmurs of agreement from the others (or chirps, in the case of Dash, Freeze and Fly, who couldn't talk).

'Thank you,' I said quietly.

The Cards untransformed, and Keroberos levitated the book up from my mistress' room to the roof. 'All right. You know the drill, right?'

I shuffled and cut the Cards, placing them into a diamond shape, and closed my eyes. 'You'll have to modify the chant to accommodate the Sakura Cards.'

'Keroberos, I may not be as old as you, but I do know my job. Cards bound to the Moon and the Sun–'

'Clever,' he murmured. 'I wouldn't have thought of that.'

'-Shut up,  _Kero_. Cards bound to the Moon and the Sun, reply to my query. Show me the one who stands in my way.' I flipped over the Card. It was a blank, decorated with a slim crescent. The Moon. My own card, added to the deck with Keroberos' on this occasion to make the full set of fifty-four.

'What is that supposed to mean?' I said out loud.

'Hmmm,' Keroberos said.

Still puzzling over the first answer, I turned over the three in the middle. Return, Power and Dark. The last Card sent a chill through me. In all my foretelling, that Card had always indicated Clow. Return and Power confirmed it. Whatever he was after, it was definitely Clow who was causing all this.

With a hand that trembled ever so slightly, I turned over the last Card, which would indicate what the objective was. The Change stared back at me.

I still had another question to ask. 'Cards bound to the Moon and the Sun, reply to my query. Show me my future.'

'That's a very general question,' Keroberos said from over my shoulder.

'Keroberos,' I said in deadly tones.

'Okay, okay, okay,' he said defensively, backing away. 'You're mad, I get it.'

In a query such as this, with no defined answer, the rules changed slightly. Instead of laying out a diamond, I placed five cards in a pentagon around me. I stood in the middle of the circle, feeling the power rise around me. 'Ask,' Windy whispered faintly from her card form. 'Ask quickly.'

'At the rate this is going, will I last until my mistress transforms all the Cards?'

A Card glowed and floated up to me, back to me. I caught it, turned it over. Erase.

'What should I do to prevent Yukito from dying?'

Another of the five Cards came to my hand. Shield.

'Where does my loyalty lie if Clow is still alive?' I demanded. Keroberos' jaw hung open. Clearly, he hadn't expected this question. I felt that familiar guilt sweep up and consume me again. He hadn't even considered abandoning her, and I was coolly asking if I should.

Did I have no principles at all?

A third Card. I turned it over. Change, again.

'What is the real relationship between me and Yukito?'

The fourth Card floated up to me. I could feel the strain in them to maintain their power, and whether they realised it or not the moon-ruled Cards were drawing power from me. It was beginning to hurt. I turned the Card over. Shadow. The Card of concealment.

The fifth, and the last. 'What do I need in order to live?'

The last Card came from behind and slipped into my palm. Flower.

The Cards returned to the book. I could feel how tired they were, and I didn't object when Keroberos levitated it back into my mistress' room.

He looked grim.

I felt grimmer.

'That wasn't very hard to read, was it?' he said finally, breaking the silence.

'No, no it wasn't.' I was still thinking about the last answer.

'Yeah, I was wondering about that too,' he said. I must have spoken aloud. 'You know, Sakura's foretelling used Flower for Touya. In your case, it could be either of them, since they're both named for flowers.'

'It's him,' I said dully. 'He has enough power to sustain me.'

'You mean you're going to take his powers? Yue, that's dangerous.'

'Not take,' I corrected. 'That was the mistake Clow made. He constructed us thinking that we take the energy of our master. That can't be true, or else he'd never have been able to use magic without the Cards aiding him.'

'So?'

'My theory is that we don't take magic, we feed off it. In effect, I would be imposing on Touya the same way I am on my mistress right now. If I stopped using his power – stopped existing – he would regain his powers immediately.'

'I see,' Keroberos said. Then, unexpectedly, 'You've changed, Yue.'

'Me?'

'Yeah. A year ago, if I'd told you the same thing, you'd have bitten my head off rather than admit that the great Clow Reed was wrong. Now, you're refuting his theories on your own. You  _have_  changed.'

'Perhaps I have,' I admitted, ruffling my wings.

'So when are you going to complete the transfer?'

'I don't know if I should.'

'What! Why?'

'For one, I don't know what the consequences would be if I was one person's Guardian while drawing power from another one. And if I did, think what would happen to Yukito.'

'I don't think you're telling the truth where he's concerned, y'know.'

'That's for me to know and you to not ask about.'

Keroberos sighed. 'Have it your way.'

'What do you think I should do about Yukito?'

'You got Shield for that question, right? Maybe you should divide the two of you completely for a while. It's because you're linked mentally that your body's weakening so quickly.'

'Hmmm.'

'What is that supposed to mean?'

'Nothing. Not just yet.'

'You really love being cryptic and intellectual, don't you,' the lion accused.

'One of us has to be,' I said, looking at him sideways and waiting for the inevitable explosion.

He didn't disappoint.

Things settled into an uneasy sort of routine after that day. Apparently Keroberos' warning had made it past my mistress' stubborn nature, because her transformations didn't take as much out of me as that one had. Still, she continued to create her 'Sakura Cards' and I grew steadily weaker. Yukito's appetite grew, and he never took it up with me, although he had to suspect something by now. He had two more fainting spells, and each time it was a struggle to push him back into wakefulness.

My mistress and the Li didn't notice anything, but Touya did. Quietly, casually, he quit most of his part-time jobs, escorting Yukito everywhere. Due to my weakness and his precognition, he was even better at knowing when my mistress was going to do magic than I was, and every time Yukito collapsed he was there. The snow bunny didn't notice, of course. I did. Touya didn't ask him about his problems or make any potentially dangerous remarks. That one fight had made him very wary.

Yukito and I didn't talk too much. The strain was too great, and one or the both of us was asleep most of the time. I didn't assist my mistress in her efforts either. There was only one occasion when I was at hand where something went wrong, and she didn't need to transform any Cards. Still, her use of magic left me weakened, and the Cards were…enthusiastic about making me agree not to do it again until all the Cards were transformed. Watery made good her promise of making Power sit on me, and I hadn't really expected Windy to roll around laughing at the sight. But as they say, you can't trust anyone anymore.

I was still undecided whether to block my link with Yukito. Keroberos was right, of course; it was the link that was weakening us so quickly, and was endangering Yukito's life. But I had grown accustomed to Yukito's presence in my mind. It filled an emptiness in me, and without the Cards and Keroberos, he was the only contact I had with the outside world.

This lasted two weeks before I finally stopped putting it off and took action. Ultimately, what decided me was yet another fainting spell. This would have been disturbing by itself, but I had passed out right alongside him. Usually, I was able to retain consciousness easily if he was asleep or if I was on the surface, but this time I had come very close to killing him by mistake. If both of us passed out at the same time I would have no control over my transformation, and I was hardly inconspicuous.

That night, I waited, hoping he would talk to me. When he showed every sign of falling asleep after dinner, I moved, snapping his fingers. Yukito looked at them wearily, and then opened the link.

_Yue?_

_There's something I have to talk to you about. It's serious._

_Oh. What is it?_

_This weakness we're feeling, I told you it was magical. Well, there's more. It's draining my powers while my mistress transforms the Cards. Once she does I should be safe, but there's a very real chance I…we…may die before then._

_Die?_  Yukito echoed blankly.

_I don't need food to live. I live off the magic of the one who sustains me. It was Clow first, and now it's her. But she's far from powerful enough to support all the Cards and me._

_Yes, I remember Clow telling me that. I didn't, before. Those memories are kind of mashed together in my head, but when you tell me about something I can always recall it._

_Oh._

_But are you sure? That we might die?_

_Yes, very sure. It's a definite possibility, but I'm trying to find a solution. But right now, you're in more danger than I am. My magic tries to absorb you whenever I'm really low on power, so if I lose control you might die. Yukito…I…we need to break this link between us for a while._

_What?_

_Just until my mistress finishes transforming the Cards. After that, we're still in danger, but she should be powerful enough to keep us alive, at least, for a few years. Once she grows older, it should get easier. But as long as this link's open, you're in danger._

_So what do you suggest?_

_What I said. If I block you off from me it should protect you from dying when I'm unconscious._

_All right, then._

His ready acceptance startled me, and I said as much.

_I'm not really troubled, Yue. What I know, I know._

_What?_

_You only get upset if I tell you._

Oh. Well.  _I'll cast the spell now._

_What if you want to talk?_

_We could leave each other notes. Although I don't know if I can transform enough times or take control of your hands long enough to have a real conversation._

_All right,_ Yukito said simply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's an awkward ending, but there it is. Regarding the power transfer – I'm sticking more or less to canon when I say that it can't be permanent. Otherwise, when mastery over the Cards passed from Clow to Sakura she would have become incapable of doing magic – also, Keroberos refers to the Guardian-master relationship and the magic transferred as a 'meal', clearly implying that it's neither permanent nor a one-time transfer - it seems to be a consistent flow of power rather than a one-time magic injection. (I meant that far less gutterfully than it came out.)


	5. Eclipse

It was…quiet. Too quiet, all alone in my mind. I didn't like it.

The spell had gone off without a hitch, and Yukito and I were now as separate as we had been when I was unsealed. I was in my usual place as observer now.

Occasionally, Yukito left me little notes, asking me what was happening. I replied as best as I could, although mine were as brief as his were long and detailed. He fell asleep a lot, but for now, at least, my magic wasn't trying to absorb him into me every time my mistress changed a Card; he was ill, but safe. I slept through most of the days now, waking at night mainly so I could draw as much sustenance from the moon as I could.

As the days passed, I realised just how much I had come to depend upon Yukito in my mind. I wasn't given to laughter or unrestrained fun, but Yukito lived life with all the enthusiasm and bounce of his namesake, and sometimes I could lose myself in his bubbling joy and forget that I was the Moon Guardian; simply be Yue. I could tease, and I had my own sense of humour, but it wasn't as open as Yukito's was, nor as easy and relaxed.

I hadn't always been that way. I could remember laughing, romping, having pillow-fights (with judicious use of the Big Card), cheating at rummy, being thrashed by Keroberos after being caught cheating at rummy, putting on aerobatic displays on the full moon for Clow's benefit with the Cards contributing special effects, flying across the whole of Japan just for fun. But that had stopped once I was sealed, once Clow died. It was as if I had simply found the part of me that was capable of being that open, that free, that unconcerned about what everyone else thought – and cut it off from me altogether.

The worst thing was that I had gone two centuries without even noticing.

Had Clow hurt me that badly? Maybe he had.

I had managed not to think of Clow at all for the last two months, despite the frequent faint flashes of his aura that I felt all over Tomoeda. For someone who had as much self-discipline as I, not to mention the years of training to focus and direct my mind, it was easy to ignore what I didn't want to think of. But training and control could only extend so far and I was starting to lose it now.

It couldn't be Clow. Of course not. Because if it had been, he would have talked to me by now. He had promised me that he would care for me always, and if he hadn't come to me yet, it must be someone else. Of course, I had been betrayed so many times by my expectations of Clow that I wasn't really surprised. After all, he had handed me over to my mistress like a piece of old clothing; almost forced me into falling in love with her; had told me that I had free will and then done his very best to negate it. He had left me, and if he was back and not interested in me anymore, it just fit the pattern, didn't it?

Oh, who was I fooling? The tricks, the aura, the style of magic; the only aim was to make my mistress transform all the Cards; of course it was him. I knew his way of thinking as well as he knew mine. And of course he hadn't met me; he'd already abandoned me once. Of course he wasn't coming back.

Pointless. Utterly pointless, all this agonising about something that was done with. Yukito had actually kept that at bay, giving me something else to think about, but now that he was gone from my mind all I could do in the silence was run through the same thoughts again and again; and yet again, just when I thought I was finished and there were no more memories to put myself through. Something else to remember. There was always something more to remember. How could so many clear memories be packed into just twenty years?

Silence hurt.

So did thought.

I have decided that I will not think of those days – the horrid, creeping weakness and the sorrow. Still, the memories break through at times, despite all my resolve, and while I don't like it, I keep myself from forgetting. What difference does it make now, you may ask; but it made me who and what I am today, and that is worth any amount of pain; and as  _she_  tells me often, keeping things in is not the best way to deal with them.

I watched, unable to help, as Yukito grew steadily sicker. His appetite had slackened off; even his relatively unmagical body could no longer rely on food for sustenance, and it was giving up whether he knew it or not. He came in late several times. The football coach told him quietly to come back once he was better. His homework was badly done and he didn't visit the Kinomotos, preferring to sleep as early as he could and as long. He even caught quick naps between classes, relying on Touya to wake him in time with a quick, quiet nudge as the teacher walked in.

Slowly, Yukito's pattern of life reversed. Instead of visiting my mistress and Touya, it was the other boy who came over most evenings, dosing Yukito with strong coffee, keeping him awake long enough to help him with his homework; leaving early for school so he could walk Yukito to his classes; covering for him at clubs and drama practice. It was Touya who made him get out of the house for fresh air instead of Yukito dragging him away from his numerous jobs to have some fun and act his age – not that Touya ever did, since (in my considered opinion) he was born thirty years old.

The power was draining from me as well. I couldn't transform any more unless I absolutely needed to; but I was still better off than Yukito, since I had the moon to feed off of. Sleeping through most of the days, only waking a few hours in the night to get news from the Sakura Cards, which were no longer dependent on me for extra power. I felt very helpless in those days. I was unable to do any of the things I had taken upon myself – protect my mistress, protect the Cards, keep Yukito safe, keep myself alive.

What a failure I was.

'Yuki! Yuki, hey, Yuki!' A hand, shaking Yukito's arm gently. We woke at the same time, Yukito's eyes sliding open as I jolted out of my sleep. Touya. Of course. How had I not sensed his magic coming close?

'You're here early.'

'I came in early and slept. I come in late all the time.' Yukito's eyes closed again, cutting off my view, but I could feel Touya's aura change rapidly from relief to fear. He shook Yukito again, desperately, and his eyes opened. My vision was blurry without the glasses; I couldn't read Touya's expression.

'Yuki,' Touya said quietly. 'I…'

'Good morning!' and there she was again, attaching herself to his neck like a leech. Touya staggered, clutching Yukito's desk to keep from falling.

'What do you want?' he gritted.

'I wanted to see you!'

'You saw me at school yesterday!'

'It's been over twelve hours! I was lonely!'

Yukito's eyes were suspiciously watery. I wished I could know what he was feeling. He watched them for a long second before his head fell wearily to the desk again.

He nodded off several times in class that day, and remarked as much to Touya when they were leaving that evening.

I could feel the seer's eyes on me as Yukito trudged wearily towards the gate, on the verge of collapse. Me, not Yukito; assessing the level of power I had left. 'Yuki!' he called.

'What is it?'

Touya looked as if he were going to explode with anger. Or cry. 'I know everything,' he said. The pressure in his voice was obvious; the words sounded as if they were being torn out of him. 'I know you're…'

'Touya! Let's go home together, okay?'  
'I had a feeling you'd come out.' Of course she would. She was interrupting him on purpose, did she really think we wouldn't notice?

'Oh, were you thinking about me?'

'Not exactly.'

Yukito set off again. 'Then I'll see you tomorrow.'

'Hey, Yuki!' Touya called, but Yukito was already out of earshot.

Yukito's illness progressed steadily. By the time Christmas was over, he – and I – was in the last stages. My mistress was transforming more and more Cards, and while I knew it would be all right if she could finish soon, it still hurt every time more of her sustenance was withdrawn from me.

On New Year's Day, I was forcibly reminded just how bad the situation was getting.

I woke up around midnight as I always did, looking at the half-moon in the sky. Out of habit, I checked the bedside table for notes, in case Yukito had written something for me. Sure enough, there was a card there. Careful calligraphy, the Chinese and English characters of my name, and a short message wishing me luck, success and health. On the inside, there was a simple pencil sketch of…me. Standing on top of a tower somewhere, wings spread to the sky.

I was touched. I hadn't even remembered that today was the New Year, much less made Yukito a card. And the drawing was beautifully done. He must have spent a lot of time on it.

I had been able to draw, earlier. But the one time I had tried after being unsealed, it hadn't come out right at all. Oh, well. I wrote a reply quickly, relieved that my handwriting, at least, was still elegant. Hopefully he would find it first thing in the morning.

I stirred when I sensed Touya's presence growing close, and had nearly dropped off again when I heard him run to where Yukito was lying –

Wait. Lying? Where was he?

'Yuki! Yuki, wake up!' Lifted into his arms. Yukito was still asleep. I tried to make him wake up but I was powerless to do so.

'To-ya?' Yukito said, eyes finally finally opening.

'What happened?'

'I became really sleepy all of a sudden, again…it's all right. What are you doing here?'  
'What do you mean, why am I here? You were the one that wanted to go to the New Year's greetings with us, Yuki. We waited, but you didn't show.'

'Sorry,' Yukito whispered, his eyes fluttering as he tried to keep them open.

'It's all right. If we leave now, we can still meet up with Sakura and the others–'

Touya's voice cut off as Yukito fell forward, fainting again. 'I'm sorry, I'm just so…sleepy…'

I felt a chill race through me. I couldn't feel my hand. Numbness spread through me, and I knew with absolute certainty that if I could somehow see, Yukito's body – my body – would be vanishing slowly.

'Yuki,' Touya whispered, holding him tight.

I summoned up the effort to transform. I had to tell him now.

I called my magic to me, willing it to change my form.

Nothing happened. My wings stayed away, and I couldn't feel any change in myself. No change registered in Touya's aura, wrapped around me protectively.

I tried again, and again. Nothing happened. I could feel Yukito's presence weakening quickly with every effort and stopped. One more aborted try and he would be in danger.

My efforts had drained me completely. My head had lifted slightly off Touya's shoulder, fists clenching as I tried to change, and I felt those muscles relax as I fell against him, and the blackness took me as well.

When I woke up, Yukito was already awake; he was lying in his bed, watching Touya as he slept in an armchair he had dragged next to it. I checked the wall clock. I had fallen unconscious in the late morning; it was nearly midnight now. No wonder Touya was out like a light.

'To-ya,' Yukito said softly.

The other boy jerked upright. 'Yuki.' Dark eyes took him in for a second before the familiar mask slipped over him. 'How are you?

'I'm fine, To-ya,' Yukito said cheerfully. Strangely, I thought he was speaking the truth. I felt a little better myself. 'I'm sorry you had to miss going to the shrine because of me. I was really looking forward to getting my fortune, too.'

'You really should stop apologising for everything.'

'I'm s – oh.'

A reluctant grin tugged at Touya's mouth. 'If you're all right, then.'

'I'm fine,' he said again.

'Okay,' Touya said, and he leaned back in the armchair and closed his eyes again.

Too tired to get up and make the guest bedroom ready, too shy to invite him to share; Yukito stared at him for a few minutes before he, too, fell asleep. I stayed awake for a while, thinking. I had to ask him if I could…I had to. If I waited much longer I wouldn't have the power to transform anymore and then it really would be the end. Drawing power from him without asking was equal to vampirism. I couldn't do that. I had to be honest with him if the transfer was to be a true one. Everything I had seen told me that he wouldn't refuse if I asked him to give me his power.

So why was I hesitating?

Part of it was that I hadn't asked Yukito yet. I knew he didn't want Touya to know of his non-human nature, to know all his secrets. He wanted to go on living his 'old' life as far as possible, to act as if I wasn't real. I didn't know why, but that hurt me.

Also, Yukito didn't know that I could take Touya's power, and I didn't think he'd be very pleased when he found out. I could also claim that I was unsure of the results of the transfer, of drawing power from one person while another claimed my loyalty. But the truth was very simple.

Yukito didn't want Touya to know because he was afraid of finding out that it was only the moon attraction, that he was like the Li and my mistress.

And I didn't want to take his power because I was afraid that he was Clow all over again.

The nature of magical dependency is a strange thing, with fluid rules and shifting parameters. So much of it is based on the mind and heart of the user. At the time, I would have attacked anyone who dared to say so, but magic was part of what drew me to Clow and him to me; but in retrospect, it was part of it.

Receiving power from someone…with magicians, the power is wound through their heart, their mind, their soul. To be dependent on Clow's power meant that a significant portion of what he felt and thought filtered through as well. From days after my birth I was aware of his presence, his emotions, even when he wasn't with me. I could anticipate his thoughts quickly and easily. It made my duties as Guardian that much easier. Keroberos and the Cards had the same connection with him; like my mistress, he had only to reach in his pocket to find the Card he needed in his hand.

But to feel his emotions was to drown in them. It made it that much harder to resist the attraction I felt for him when I knew he returned it; when I knew precisely what every glance, every word and movement meant; hard to pretend I was indifferent when I could feel his aura turn fierce and controlled every time I walked into the room and know why.

It went the other way as well. Even on residual power, I was able to strongly attract those with magic to me; the Li, my mistress, even (I suspected) Touya. Clow had been a hundred times more vulnerable to that power, since we were already so deeply bound. The more I was drawn to him, the more power I drew from him; the more power I had, the more he was attracted to me, drawing me to him; an inescapable cycle. When we finally came together, magic, body and heart, it was desperate, relief, hope, passion, love all tangled together. Relief most of all, because we didn't have to fight gravity anymore.

We could have resisted. Clow could have used magic to block my influence, and I could have trained myself to ignore his lapses. It wasn't as if the magic was the only thing that bound us together. That, I was sure of. I was as happy arguing philosophy or playing music with Clow as I was kissing him. It was love, make no mistake. But magic was a part of both of us, bone-deep, and we had surrendered to its influence where normal attraction might never have been acted upon.

Unlike me, this seemed to bother Yukito. Even though he claimed he and I were the same, he didn't seem to share many of my attitudes. I lived and breathed magic, but he was wary of it. I would be offended if someone was attracted only to my physical appearance or my magic instead of being attracted to me, all of me, but the thought of magical attraction wasn't repulsive to me; Yukito distrusted it altogether, conveniently ignoring the fact that it was just as random and uncontrollable as the average teenager's hormones.

Still, he had a point. Clow had had years of training; Touya was only seventeen. It would be easy for him to mistake attraction for love. I didn't think so, but it was a distinct possibility.

What I feared more was knowing exactly what Touya felt. The bond between us wouldn't be half as strong as mine with Clow; Touya had only a tenth of Clow's power at most, and my mistress held my allegiance. Still, I would be fairly attuned to what he thought and felt, the whole picture if not the fine details. And I knew, with a certainty that defied logic, that if he gave me his powers it would change everything, forever, for all three of us.

I didn't know which would be worse: knowing that he loved Yukito or knowing that he didn't.

It was a long time before I fell asleep that night.

I have no idea what happened in the morning; I slept for three days together after staying up that late. Yukito and I continued in our uneasy peace. Twice more, I found that tingling numbness in my limbs and face that meant that we were vanishing. After the…incident…at the pool, I finally took steps.

It was perhaps the most difficult letter of my life.

_Yukito,_  I wrote, and then froze for nearly twenty minutes. The clock in his room ticked incessantly, the sound was driving me mad.

Then, as if suddenly unleashed from some tight grip, the words flowed out, not entirely coherent but clear enough to be understood.

_I don't think we have enough power to survive until my mistress transforms all the Cards and her power level rises enough to support us. I've been thinking and I think Touya's power would be a good substitute until she can sustain us on her own. I need you to know before I ask him. Remember I didn't tell you what happened between my being unsealed and the Final Judgment? I know that you don't want Touya to know that you're not human, but Yukito, the truth is, he already does. He's known since the day he saw you, he even saw the Judgment. I met him once, even, in your form. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, but you weren't willing to accept magic at all; and how you can still say you're a part of me I don't understand. The point is that we either take his power or die, there's no other option at this point. You are going to have to accept the fact that he knows. I know you're worried about the moon attraction, about the bond that taking power from someone creates. But I have no choice. If he agrees – and I think he will, and I won't if he doesn't – I am going to transfer his powers to me. That's what he's been trying to tell you for the last few months now. I think he knows._

_I am truly sorry._

What inadequate words to say when you're ripping a person's life apart. I slipped the note onto the bedside table, where we usually left them, and gave in to the slumber calling my name.

Three hours later I woke again and, cursing my cowardice, I tucked the letter into a hiding-place I was sure he would never find.

'Yuki. Yuki!' that familiar tone in his voice, what would have been panic in anyone else tightly leashed, as controlled as any other emotion.

Yukito had told me he was going to resign officially from the football team, and he had probably fallen asleep waiting for the coach. It was late evening, almost dark, a brilliant sunset painting the west in purples, reds and greys. I woke up at the same time Yukito did, to find him slumped over the bleachers on the football field, tucked away from the view of everyone else. Everyone except one too-perceptive psychic.

'Oh, it's you, To-ya.' Sleepy eyes blinked and then my vision cleared as he slipped his glasses back on from the ground they had fallen to.

'Yuki,' he said with some relief. 'I thought…'

'Don't worry,' Yukito said with a small laugh. 'I promise I won't fall asleep on the subway again.'

'You'd better not,' Touya growled. He waited for the next gentle jab from Yukito, but he was simply too tired to bother. His eyes narrowed, and we could see him struggling for words.

'What is it?' Yukito asked bluntly, open for once.

Touya was silent for so long that I half suspected he wasn't going to answer, and just when I began to relax he said, quietly, 'You're disappearing, Yuki.'

'What?' Yukito said blankly.

'You're disappearing, and I…you…oh, damn it!' he turned away, scrubbing one large, furious hand through his hair.

Yukito stepped closer, placed one pale hand on his back, between his shoulder blades. 'To-ya, are you all right?'

Touya flinched visibly. I could feel the distress pouring off him, and knew why it was there, but Yukito didn't. He removed his hand immediately. 'Sorry,' he said quietly.

'What?'

'I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.'

'I'm not…I…I don't want you to disappear, okay?'

'Disappear?' Yukito said, finally picking up on the word. 'Why would I do that?'

Touya's hands were jammed in his pockets, his eyes blank and guarded, and even if he was looking right into Yukito's eyes he was a million miles away. On a different planet, even. Distant pose #1. 'Never mind,' he said.

'To-ya,' Yukito said in a low voice. Intent, serious. It was more like my tone than his. 'Whatever it is you're dancing around, tell me. Now.'

Touya swallowed. 'Yuki, I–'

With that infallible sense of timing, a shriek of 'TOOOUYAAAAA!' emerged from the field below us. She stood there, the glomp queen herself, waving at Touya so energetically that it was a wonder her arms didn't fall off. 'Tooouyaaa! The football coach wants to talk to you both!'

It really was a miracle how many vowels she managed to fit into one short, eloquent name.

Touya exhaled loudly in frustration and stomped off to meet her. I gritted my (currently incorporeal) teeth. Just when these two were going to get it all out in the open…

Someday, I was going to have to have a long talk with Akizuki Nakuru. Preferably in a sound-proof room. Alone. Come to think of it, I should probably have one with Yukito and Touya as well, for being so clueless. Idiots.

'I hate this uniform,' Touya grumbled for the fortieth time that afternoon as he, Yukito and Akizuki prepared to close shop, tugging irritatedly at the tie.

'What's wrong with it?' Yukito inquired mildly. Of course he wouldn't notice.

'It's pink. And yellow. And it has bows on it. You know, I don't really need money this desperately. In fact, I should sue for mental hazard.'

'You like it?' Akizuki beamed, invading our personal space. He turned several colours in succession as she latched on like a hug vampire. 'I designed them myself? Cute, ne? Ne? Ne? Ne? Ne?'

I resisted the urge to moan. Touya tended to wear dark clothes, just as I always wore white, and this…outfit…severely offended our sensibilities.

'I love it!' Yukito said.

A large bead of sweat trickled down Touya's head. I knew just how he felt. Yukito wore pink and yellow, and even orange on occasion, and though he had impeccable taste in colour combinations, the colours themselves tended to be horrible.

'You know, it was a very odd accident, that thing with the wave.'

'Yes. And that rain…how can it rain in an indoor pool?'

I heard that fragment of a conversation and snorted. As if they would ever believe the explanation.

'…why not?' Yukito said pleasantly. 'After all, since To-ya's playing the detective, it should be easy for him to teach me the lines even if there's so little time left.'

I wondered idly what they were talking about.

'I heard that you and To-ya were so good in last year's drama! I would have loved to see To-ya in a dress!'

'Is that so,' Yukito said even more pleasantly. 'It's such a pity that it was me and not you, then, isn't it.' There was a glimmer of quiet malice in his voice that only Touya caught, and he shot Yukito a mildly surprised glance.

'Akizuki, I told you–' Touya began, but I didn't get to find out how the sentence ended because Yukito was already moving, closing counters and counting money with deadly efficiency. Touya was left gaping, trying to rid himself of the leech.

'I think I'll go home now,  _Touya_ ,' he stressed. Out of the corner of my eyes I could see her looking smug at how easily she had riled him. 'You two seem to be getting along just fine.'

'Hey, Yuki,' Touya began and then stopped as Yukito flung his apron on the counter and walked out of the café rather faster than he usually went.

That night, I left the letter out where he could see it.


	6. Revolution

The next morning, there was a reply.  _Only if he agrees. Only then. Do what you want._ Nothing more, but the wastebasket in the corner was full of torn-up paper. Out of respect for his privacy, I didn't read any of them.

I could only guess at what was going through Yukito's mind.

I was sleeping more and more as days went by. I was aware that Yukito was becoming weaker and weaker, that he was starting to disappear; but I couldn't do anything more than this. The more I slept, the less energy Yukito expended. From being hours, my sleep began to encompass days. I was dimly aware that they were going to film some sort of period drama, and that Akizuki had volunteered her house for the set, but I wasn't awake most days and was trying to save energy when I was.

It was something of a rude shock, therefore, when I woke to find myself in a strange bed, called out of sleep by the brief but unmistakable touch of Windy. My first panicky thought was to wonder what Yukito had been doing, but I knew immediately that something was very wrong. For one thing, he was almost unconscious and, I realised with dismay, perilously close to disappearing for good. Then there was Touya, dark eyes filled with tightly leashed panic.

'To-ya. Did I fall asleep again?'

'While we were filming,' Touya said wryly.

'Oh.' A yawn. I could feel myself disappearing again. 'I'm still sleepy.'

'Yuki, at this rate you'll disappear. I don't want that to happen.'

'Why would I disappear?'

I wanted to scream. Was he going to cling to that deception until he died?

No more. I was out of patience and out of time. I calmed my mind, summoned my magic, prepared to transform…

'Tsukishiro! Are you all right?'

'Not again,' Touya almost growled. I agreed completely.

'I'm fine, Akizuki.'

  
'You're not hurt anywhere?'

  
'Nope.'  
'I'm so glad. Then, I would like to continue filming right now -'

There was no 'almost' anymore. Touya looked about ready to kill as he shoved her peremptorily out of the door. 'I have something I need to talk to Yuki about. Don't get in my way!' and he slammed it shut in her face.

She actually listened. So miracles do occur.

Touya turned back to the bed, sat down in front of Yukito. I relaxed a little. He'd finally screwed up the courage; I wouldn't have to endanger myself by forcing the transformation.

'Yuki, I know… that you're…'  
'Is this a continuation of the movie?'  
'No! Please listen to me.' He placed a gentle hand on Yukito's cheek. There was so much magic singing through his blood right then. I don't know if it was Yukito or I who leaned slightly into the touch, as a starving man would look towards the scent of food. Touya's hand was so warm, almost hot. Or maybe it was my skin that was so cold. Yukito didn't move, didn't even breathe.

'I know you're not human.'

Yukito's eyes widened. I felt a rush of relief. Touya smiled.

'So you don't have to hide it from me any more.'

There was a quick, subtle flow of magic from him at those words. I chose to interpret it as a summons and transformed, sending Yukito painlessly and quickly to sleep.

I rematerialised beside the bed, in full Guardian mode.

'I finally get to meet you,' Touya greeted me, a subtle smile twitching on his lips. I felt a pang of guilt. It was the second time, but he didn't know that. 'What's your name?'  
'Yue.' He didn't know my name, though. I hadn't told him. 'Yukito didn't want you, of all people, to know that he wasn't a human.' I looked away from him, wondering just how this was going to change their relationship. 'That is why I couldn't show myself in front of you.'

'If I don't see you, I can't give you what I want to give you.'  
He seemed remarkably at ease with the whole situation. Most people felt threatened when towered over the way I was with him, but he just sat there calmly, still in the period costume that looked so odd on him.

'You've been telling Yukito that you don't want him to disappear.'  
'Yeah.'  
'You know what needs to be done for that?'  
'I know. If I can use my power to prevent Yuki from disappearing, I'll give it all to him.'  
'You won't be able to see your mother again, either.' Get the worst over with. Maybe he didn't even know the true price he would pay yet.

Again, I was surprised by the extent of his knowledge, as he wasn't fazed by my warning. 'It's unfair that I'm the only one that can see her anyway. But if I lose my powers, I won't be able to tell when Sakura ends up in a dangerous situation anymore. I want you to protect her.'  
'You do not need to ask me such a thing. I'll protect her even at the cost of my life.' It was my duty, after all.  
'I wouldn't want you to give it up!' He was standing, suddenly, too close to me, looking on the verge of shaking me. 'If you disappear, Yuki will disappear as well. I want you to protect Sakura, but also to protect yourself.'  
Of . It was always Yukito.

'Is that your condition to hand over your magical powers?'  
'You could say that.' He looked a little startled, as if he hadn't thought of it that way.  
'Then I will do my best.'  
A grin, both sincere and mocking, touched his mouth. I narrowed my eyes slightly, taken aback but relishing the rare display of emotion. 'You and Yuki really are alike.'

He'd told me that before. I had been shocked then, suspicious and slightly annoyed by the comparison. But I knew Yukito better now – I knew myself better now – and I knew Touya as well. He was almost as irritatingly right as Clow.

I called my magic to me as he stepped closer, then closer. We were nearly embracing, his arms spread slightly to welcome me. I could sense only acceptance in him, a little fear and an odd tinge of exhilaration and relief that I didn't understand. I placed both hands on his shoulders and drew him the rest of the way, holding him.

For a nanosecond I memorised exactly how Touya felt in my arms, and then I moved in even closer, my face brushing against his; resisting the strong and absurd urge to press my lips to his cheek, I initiated the transfer.

It was a simple, basic spell, one Clow had been insistent on teaching me. I hadn't understood why at the time. I felt the circle form under us. Clow's, not my mistress', which was odd but perhaps not.

Touya's head fell forward slightly, accepting my request, and then I felt the magic flow into me, strong and life-giving, like rain on a hot day, a warm drink in the snow, the touch of a lover; comforting, healing, strengthening. The transfer was so strong, I could feel tendrils of magic whipping around us like bright wind, glowing and lifting my hair and wings up as we leaned into each other, the transfer almost magnetic in how close it was drawing us together.

I felt the magic run through me, filling all the void, until it seemed I would explode from the sheer impact, dissolve into pure magic. I released my hold on him then. The transfer was complete. Only a few seconds had passed, but everything felt miles away and years ago.

Touya buckled soundlessly, already unconscious from the loss. I caught him in one arm, marveling at how easy it was now, how impossible it would have been an hour ago. The power was still rushing through me. I looked at my other hand; it glowed immediately, the magic responding to my slightest thought. So. It was truly over, then.

I looked at Touya's face, relaxed and helpless in sleep. It was the closest we had ever been, he and I. His aura thrummed steady and strong in my mind, calm. It was a strange feeling, as if he were both inside and outside of me. I shivered slightly and moved him over to the bed. He didn't even twitch as I laid him carefully, tenderly on the bed, so deep in sleep. As he had done to Yukito, I touched his face, cupping the smooth cheek and strong jaw in my fingers. The skin was so much darker than my own moonlight complexion.

'I suppose I should say thank you,' I almost whispered. The only words I had forgotten to tell him. Thank you for my existence. Thank you for Yukito. Thank you…for caring. The last, perhaps the most important of all.

A feel of magic outside the door. I wouldn't even have noticed before, but I identified it immediately now. A quick, thin flow of magic – so good to use it again, so good, oh so good – and the door burst open, revealing my mistress, looking to be in the first stage of a major crying fit.

'You heard,' I said blankly.

She came into the room, tears falling quickly and hotly down her childlike face. 'I'm sorry,' she wept. 'It's because I wasn't strong enough. You had to take Touya's powers…Yukito was going to die…'

She reminded me very much of myself then – so eager to take the blame on herself. I dropped easily to my knees – we were still the same height – and looked my mistress in the eye. 'The Clow Cards and their Guardians were created by the incomparable magician Clow Reed. Of course you, as a child, cannot support it all.' I let her read the forgiveness in that. I was telling the truth; it took almost all of Clow's power to support us all; that she was doing even so much was impressive. I brushed a tear away from her cheek, and my mistress' eyes widened at the unexpected gesture. 'If you cry, he will be sad.' I nodded at Touya. 'I promised him that I will protect you, so don't cry.'

To her credit, she controlled herself well as she took her brother's hand and promised to protect him if anything happened to him. I watched with some pride. My mistress was going to be a remarkable woman once she grew up.

We sensed Clow's presence at the same time, and she rushed to the window to check. I didn't. He wouldn't be found unless he wanted to be.  _I hope you're happy, Clow,_  I said half to myself, hoping he'd pick it up.  _This is what you'd planned for, isn't it?_

We watched him in uneasy silence, still in the room in that Eriol boy's mansion. Touya was dead still and silent. When he slept, he curled up, sprawled, hugged pillows, dreamed. He didn't lie so still like this, like the dying.

I looked at my hand – Yukito's hand, right now. It was clean and pure again, strong. Stronger even than I had been after being unsealed. Then, I was only working with the remnants of Clow's power. After the Judgment, I had been using my mistress' power, and that had been inadequate. But to feel Touya's power in me, rich and strong and so very alive…

In a selfish, narrow way I was glad that he was asleep. Unconscious, the link with me was that much weaker; even that one brief second he had been awake after the power transfer had been close to overwhelming. Granted, he had been experiencing extreme emotion at the time: fear, anxiety, and a mass of other things I couldn't define, but I, too, was unused to being so strongly linked to someone after so much time.

Two links. In one part of my magic, I could feel the pull towards Touya. In the other, Yukito. A third, weaker than the other two, held me to my mistress. I took a moment to appreciate the irony of that.

_I can feel him,_  Yukito said in a tone of wonder.  _I could point to him in my sleep._

_Yes. I haven't – haven't felt anyone like this since Clow died._ Had he died?

_I didn't know it would be like this._

_Why? You have all my memories, don't you?_

_Yes, but they're…secondhand when it comes to magic. I can't use it, and it's hard for me to remember things about magic._

_So what is it you do remember clearly?_

_The other things. Non-magical things. Clow. A lot of things about Clow._ That tone in his voice. How could I have not recognised?

It was the same as mine.

_Yukito, you…_

_What?_

_I know I shouldn't be asking this of you. I know I have no right to, but…Yukito. What do you think of Clow?_

There was a long silence. Absently, I watched Touya, and relaxed a little when he turned slightly to the side, facing us. He wasn't slipping into a coma, then. Good.

_I don't know what I feel about him,_  Yukito said suddenly, the words rushed.  _I've lived years of memories with him, I know him like you do even if I can't sense him now._

I felt a chill. To have someone so like me live through all my memories…

_Yukito. Do you love him?_

_I don't know!_ he cried, anguished.  _I can remember him so clearly, can feel what you feel, but it's not really me, is it? And To-ya…_

_Touya,_ I agreed.  _So what will you do?_

_Do? Nothing. Clow is a part of my memories, that's all. He didn't want us, and I've moved on. But it's hard to forget._

_I know_ , I agreed raggedly.  _Clow…he's a rare one._

_So is To-ya._

_Yes. He is._

I felt a wave of sympathy for Yukito. Even if he believed we were the same, to be suddenly assaulted with a first-person view of twenty years of being in love with someone had to be difficult. We were in the exact same spot, I realised; caught between two powerful feelings, Clow and Touya.

Which immediately ran me into a dead end. What did I feel for Touya? I was going to have to decide on that soon, very soon, and I would have to react in some way.

_You're right, you know. We are in the same place._

I half-yelped with surprise.  _Yukito!_

_It's interesting,_  he mused.  _I've never been able to hear your thoughts before._

_You shouldn't be able to do it now._

Yukito ignored that loftily.  _So what do you feel about To-ya, then, Yue?_

_What? I-I don't…_

_Don't be silly,_  he said serenely.  _Yue, would you agree that we're rather alike?_

_Yes, I would._

_So considering how easy it was for me to be attracted to Clow when I was already in love with To-ya…why can't you accept that you're attracted to him now?_

_Of course I'm not attr –_  I started and stopped. There was no point in lying to myself.

_Exactly._ Yukito was smug, so smug. I itched to smack him on the head.

_But that doesn't mean I–_

We both froze as the link to him flared alive. Touya was awake. 'Yuki?' he murmured. His aura was mostly blank, from exhaustion, I presumed, but he was worried and glad at the same time. I carefully didn't have a reaction to either.

'To-ya? Are you awake?' Yukito said, reaching out to brush the untidy what-is-this-'comb'-you-speak-of hairstyle off his face.

'Did it…work?'

'Yeah, it did,' Yukito said, very softly. 'Thank you, To-ya. From both of us.'

'…good.' Touya's head fell back down, trapping Yukito's palm against the mattress. He was asleep before his eyes closed, if that was even possible. Yukito was feeling less comfortable, his hand now trapped at an uncomfortable angle.

_You know, your arm's going to cramp in a minute or two,_  I observed.

_Possibly. But he looks comfortable, don't you think?_ Yukito dragged the chair closer and turned it sideways. He moved himself to stretch his legs out next to Touya's, his head leaning backwards, almost lying next to Touya.

_I can't sleep._

_Neither can I._

It was true. I felt full of energy, worse than a post-caffeine-high. Yukito's hand was shaking slightly from the sensation, and his foot was tapping restlessly.

To stave off the boredom, he began to flip through a book lying nearby. This wasn't very interesting to me, and to pass the time I began playing solitaire in my mind. My photographic memory (compliments of one of Clow's good moods) served me well, and I played almost thirty games.

Our energy levels were still high, almost too high. I wanted to fly more than anything else, my wings fully spread, out in the night sky, under the light of the moon. I hadn't felt such a desperate need for it since being sealed. Of course, I had always associated flight with happiness, and that hadn't been on my list of things to have in quite a while now. If our hand hadn't been trapped under Touya I would definitely have gone flying, but I had a hunch that asking Yukito to let him go right now would result in a major quarrel. We hadn't argued about 'body time' yet, and I wasn't going to jeopardise that.

We were both awake the whole night, and Touya continued to sleep. It was nearly dawn when he stirred at last. Sometime during the night, I had transformed. Yukito was asleep, the fully opened link quiescent. I had picked up the book, a historical drama, and was using a wing to flip the pages. It was a good story, and I was so engrossed that I didn't notice his waking until he made a sleepy noise of contentment and nuzzled at my palm like a puppy. My hand jerked instinctively and he woke up.

'Hi,' he said, not quite there yet, his aura warm and relaxed. Then he blinked, once, twice, and said, 'Yue?'

I resisted the urge to twitch nervously, calling the calm of the Guardian to me. 'Good morning, Touya,' I said neutrally.

There was a long, uncomfortable silence as Touya sat up, his eyes still crusted with sleep. I didn't know what to say and he, well, Touya was never famous for his easy manner and articulate tongue. His aura thrummed with distress.

Finally, I brought my wings out. 'Goodbye,' I said, and he started.

'Wait–'

'Yukito would want to see that you're all right.'

'I'm fine.' He struggled for words. 'Can you stay for a while?'

'…all right.' I let my wings curl away a little and watched him curiously. He still looked a little woozy. There was another silence, even more interminable. How  _did_  Yukito manage to make him string a decent sentence together?

_He doesn't bite, you know,_  Yukito said cheerfully in my mind. It was definitely getting too crowded in there.  _Just relax._

_Relax? That's really helpful. And clear. Thanks a lot._

_I don't believe it,_  he crowed.  _You're shy!_

_Am not!_ I retorted, feeling about three years old.

'Are you going to do this a lot?' Touya said, and I focused my vision again.

'Do what?' I said blankly.

'Talk to him aloud. That  _is_  Yuki you're talking to, isn't it?'

Great. Now he thinks I'm crazy. 'N-no.'

'Not Yuki? You mean there's someone else in your head I should know about?'

'Not going to do that,' I clarified sheepishly, and Touya did something very unexpected; he grinned and poked me in the nose.

'A little payback for all the times you teased me.'

I felt a small smile tug at the corner of my mouth and gave in to it for once. It was, I realised with some startlement, only the second smile I had given someone since I was sealed. 'That was Yukito.'

'Yeah, yeah, whatever.'

We left soon after that, Touya skilfully fending off polite enquiries from the boy and not-so-polite ones from Akizuki. There was something just off about those two, but I didn't pursue it. We dropped Touya off and went home.

The house was very silent when we returned to it. There was no school, and no homework either. And we both felt too full of energy, full to bursting, full to screaming with sheer joy. In the end, we cleaned house – obsessively, without magic, using the physical effort to burn ourselves to tiredness. A lot of dirt had accumulated in out-of-the-way places over the course of our illness, and the dishes needed re-organising. We went through the house with a fine-tooth comb, stacking, tidying, folding, dusting, polishing until everything shone with cleanliness. The lawn and garden were next, in Yukito's form, and then we even climbed to the roof and swept it clean, trusting the emptiness of the suburbs to ignore the fact that our feet were floating several inches off the ground.

_This is dreadfully convenient, you know,_  Yukito laughed.  _This makes us even taller than Touya._

I laughed.

We chatted the whole time, friendly, careful, catching up on everything that had happened while one or the other was asleep. I didn't hold back on anything that had happened, but I didn't go very deep into what I had been thinking or feeling at the time. Yukito seemed to understand, and I noticed that his own narrative was similar. I felt more at ease with Yukito than I had before; we did know each other well, after all.

From time to time, one or the other of us checked on Touya's presence. It was strong, and relaxed in a way that suggested he was asleep. Yukito was worried, but I knew that it was normal. He'd just gone from being completely independent to supporting a powerful magical being, and it had to be wearying. I brushed against that small pulse of emotion in my mind again and again, curious and wondering. It wasn't like my mistress', and it was even less like Clow's. Something different. Something Touya.

By the time we finished, it was late evening and the rush was fading. Yukito made himself a large meal and ate it. We were both waiting for the night. Night, when we could go visit the Cards.

Of course there was gushing and hugging and many other things that embarrassed me. Yukito loved it, even more obviously. Then again, he thinks bunny pajamas and fluffy pink slippers are cute, and that takes the biscuit as far as insanity goes. I make no claims of enjoying it.

Once everyone settled down, we began to talk about more serious matters: how far the transformations had progressed, which Cards were left untransformed and other matters that concerned our mistress. I was mildly amused to hear of the Li br–boy's pathetic attempts to let my mistress know how he felt. Wasn't it much simpler to just out and say it?

At which point Yukito reminded me that neither of us had any right to talk, and I shut up.

I was shocked to hear of Watery's transformation. It had occurred while I was sleeping, true, but I should at least have been awakened by that much magic. Perhaps even I had overestimated my own strength. 'You're different,' I said, sensing her new pink-tinged aura.

'So are you,' Watery replied, curious pupil-less eyes flicking over me. 'This new magic is a little strange on you, Yue.'

'Really?' I hadn't noticed anything different. But I hadn't used any magic, either.

'It's kind of…' she waved vaguely at me. 'you feel different. Maybe your magic's changed too. Sakura's brother's magic isn't like hers, you know.'

Inward-directed. How could I have missed it? I groaned mentally. Shifting to match the new magic was going to take work. My mistress' magic was like Clow's, or close enough that I didn't have to worry about it. But Touya's magic was…different, and absorbing power from him might result in my developing a completely new set of powers and abilities, and maybe losing some of the old; just what I didn't need in the face of these mysterious threats. To some extent, a Guardian absorbed the master's power and their style of using it. Keroberos was an exception; the only magical creation I knew of who could exist without a living master. I almost envied him his independence, but I would never give up the depth of the bond the Cards and I had with Clow and–

But with whom did my allegiance lie now? With my mistress, or with Touya, whose power I was drawing? He had made it clear that I shouldn't feel indebted; I had agreed to protect my mistress and Yukito and to not let myself disappear, and in return he had given me his power. Equivalent exchange, as he saw it. Certainly, I felt Touya much more than I did my mistress, her powers so weak right now. And I hadn't accepted her the way the Cards had; not as I should have. Until then, I would be caught between the two of them like this.

Mirror planted herself in front of me, glowing with glee. 'See anything different?' she said.

I looked her over quickly. 'The ribbons,' I said. 'Where did you get them?'

'They were a present!' she said delightedly.

'From the mistress?'

'No, her brother.'

' _Touya_  gave you ribbons?'

'When he was supposed to take Sakura shopping, and I had to go instead. He knew who I was right away,' she looked a little ashamed of herself, 'but he was really nice and he even bought me these ribbons. They're really pretty, aren't they?'

They were, and the colour matched perfectly. Trust Touya to know what shade her hair was without even seeing it. From the blush on Mirror's face, I suspected something of a crush.

We stayed up late, just talking, relaxing under moonlight. Keroberos was the first to go back in, his constitution unsuited to being awake all night. Towards the end only the moon-ruled Cards were there, laughing and playing and having (somewhat) friendly fights. I knew they hadn't revealed this side of their personalities to my mistress yet, and was rather looking forward to her reaction when they did. It was bound to be entertaining at the very least.

Finally, I was the only one left, perched on the rooftop, wingless but in my true form. Even Yukito was asleep, and everything was very quiet. The moon had almost set, and I was beginning to feel pleasantly drowsy and quite safe. Close to everything magical in my life: Touya, my mistress, the Cards and Keroberos.

I must have fallen asleep for a while, because when my eyes opened I was lying curled up in my wings, still on the roof, and it was dangerously close to daybreak. I transformed quickly, hoping nobody was looking at the roof, and woke Yukito rudely. He shivered with the sudden cold, clad only in a light shirt and pants, not suited to the morning chill.

_Didn't you get home at all?_  he said accusingly.

_I fell asleep,_ I admitted shame-faced. Then I noticed something else.  _How are you going to get off the roof?_

_Easy._  Yukito swung down onto the upper ledge of a bedroom window and clambered down neatly, landing with a soft thump in the window. Touya's, I realised belatedly. The boy was asleep, in a more normal position this time. He hesitated for a second and then continued to descend.

_Do you blame me?_

_For what?_

_Taking Touya's powers. I had to, you know. We would have died, otherwise. I know you're angry. Please, just talk to me._

_Am I angry?…I suppose I am. But not at you. Or myself. He agreed, didn't he?_

_Of course. I wouldn't have…you mustn't think that of me._

_I didn't, not really. And I don't blame you._

_That's good to know._

_And we both agreed. Actually, we all agreed, so I have no reason to be angry._

_Yukito, what you said about Clow…_

_I don't want to talk about that yet._

_Oh. When, then?_

_It's not like you to be so pushy._

_I've been taking lessons from you._

_Was that a joke?_

_If you say so. Clow, if you please._

_I don't know what I feel about him. As you said, we are in the same place after all, trying to cope with a new love when an old one's still there._

_A new love? For you, perhaps, Yukito, but not –_

I didn't know that an incorporeal presence could glare, or that Yukito could glare. Apparently, both could. I stopped dead.

_Good,_ he said fiercely.  _Don't you dare lie to me again, Yue._

_Return the favour, then!_

_I don't lie to you!_

_No, you twist around the truth!_

_And you deny everything!_

_Stop it, Yukito! Just…just stop it._  There was a minute of silence as we both calmed down.  _Fighting isn't going to get us anywhere._

_All right, then. A deal. We don't lie to each other._

I barely hesitated.  _Done…you know, Touya said the same thing. We really are alike._

_He said that?_  Yukito laughed.  _He's very sharp when he wants to be, isn't he?_

_More like when he shouldn't be,_ I grumbled.

There was a long silence as Yukito pondered what I had said. Finally, he said,  _thank you, Yue,_  and before I could ask what he was responding to he was gone.

The next morning, I was refreshed after a good night's rest – which I hadn't actually needed, to tell the truth. The feeling lasted until we went to school and discovered that Touya had taken a day off, claiming illness; since he had a nearly-perfect attendance record, there was no further inquiry. Touya took two days to come back to school, and even then he was tired and woozy all the time. There were numerous jokes from classmates about Yukito's sleepiness being passed on to him, which none of we found remotely funny.

Was this how tired I had been? Realistically, I knew it wasn't that bad, because Touya still retained enough power to support his own existence. As I examined my memories of the last few months, I realised that I had been asleep for at least thirteen hours each day; even more as my magic deteriorated. So had Yukito. I had come a lot closer to death than I thought at the time.

Still, I felt guilty about Touya. My illness hadn't been his fault, but his illness was…Yukito hovered protectively over him, their roles completely reversed for a while.

Strangely, that Akizuki thing didn't hang around Touya for the next few days in class. I was quite relieved. She shot him a few Looks from across the class, but he met them with a particularly forbidding glare. Had something happened between them that we weren't aware of?

Yukito didn't ask, of course. In fact, Yukito said absolutely nothing of significance to Touya for nearly a week, and Touya was too tired to push. Yukito had an added advantage; he could sense whenever Touya became nervous and change the subject quickly. Schoolwork, games, small talk, the weather. He didn't even talk much about or to my mistress, because that would raise uncomfortable questions. And even when Touya wasn't feeling so tired, I could feel him watching Yukito: sad, worried. But for whatever reason, he wasn't talking about it either.

I desperately wanted to smack them both silly.

Yukito's phone number wasn't public knowledge, and the few people who did know what it was didn't tend to call. So when it rang that evening, Yukito picked it up with some curiosity.

It was Keroberos. 'Yue? I need to talk to you.'

'What is it?' It was Yukito who spoke, but my ever-perceptive brother didn't notice.

'It's about the Cards, and Clow. I would have told you before, but I don't want the others around.'

'I'll be there,' we said and hung up.

Everyone was asleep, and when I slid soundlessly into my mistress' room, Keroberos was there, in his true form, looking completely ridiculous in the small girly bedroom. I settled down on the floor, one leg tucked up.

We talked in a bare whisper, half speech and half mind-voice.

'You wanted to talk to me about Clow.'

'I did,' Keroberos said, in 'serious' mode. Probably the only time we got along for more than two minutes. 'You know he's behind all this, right?'

I snorted.

'Right. Okay. You know. I don't know how much detail the Cards gave you about the transformations, but it seems to me that every one of these attacks is geared towards making Sakura transform a Card. The attacks aren't really lethal, they're just dangerous enough for her need to be real so she can transform the Cards easily. I think Clow just wants her to transform all the Cards, and he's forcing her to do it because it would be too dangerous for her to do it without any outside help.'

'Ah,' I said carefully. That hadn't occurred to me, precisely. I knew Clow was pushing for her to transform the Cards, but I hadn't thought it out further than that. Of course he would have something planned for this. Clow planned for everything with a patient sort of ice, setting things in motion years before the situation even arose, thanks to both his foresight and his sharp intuition. Now that Keroberos mentioned it, it seemed correct. 'So what do you suggest?'

'Don't interfere. That's what I was going to tell you. We protect Sakura, but we don't get into the real fights. Unless she's in danger, or someone else.'

'Fine.' I must be under Yukito's influence. I had felt the urge to shrug. I never shrugged. 'What else did you want to talk about?'

Keroberos blinked. Then he blinked again. He must have been expecting resistance.

Just then, my mistress stirred. Before she could open her eyes I was standing in my customary pose. She saw me and went wide-eyed, but the nervousness was gone. I didn't think it would be coming back. 'Yue? What are – is something wrong?'

'No,' I said. 'I just wanted to talk to Keroberos. Go on back to sleep.' I reinforced that with a gentle spell for deep sleep and good dreams. She deserved it, I thought as her eyes closed obediently.

'She really got upset that I hadn't told her about you.'

'Oh.'

'Sakura still blames herself for Touya's tiredness.'

'She can't help it,' I said dismissively. 'She's just a child. Clow was centuries old when we were born. I told her that.'

'I know. So did I. The question is, do you?'

It was really unfair of Keroberos to develop a brain just when he shouldn't. 'What?'

'You know damn well what!'

'Keep your voice down.'

He did. 'Do. You. Blame. Yourself. Answer me.'

'Is it really possible for me to not?' I looked away. 'After all, it was my choice that–'

'You stop it right there, Yue. If anything, it was Clow's fault when he made you like this; it was his fault when he died and set this whole thing in motion. You didn't have a choice in how you're created.'

'Blame Clow, you say.' I mused over that. 'So you do, then.'

'Of course! It was his fault for being an insensitive idiot!'

'I guess so. And I can see why you'd say that.'

'Because I'm the smarter Guardian?'

'More like because you're the one who's more flexible in thought,' I admitted. 'I tend to be very set in my ways. You change quickly and easily as time and the situation demands. I've always envied that.'

'Was that a compliment?' Keroberos' eyes rolled up dramatically in his head as he transformed into his plush form – I couldn't actually grace it with the name of false form. 'I think I'm going to die of shock.'

'Take a picture. It'll last longer.'

He huffed in laughter. 'You're right about one thing, Yue. You may change, but you stay the same.'

'I know.' I hesitated, then continued. 'Pity you're such an idiot most of the time.'

'WHY YOU–' he broke off as my mistress tossed restlessly. 'You know, someday you're going to push me too far and then we're going to have to fight.'

'I look forward to proving my innate superiority,' I said and fled before he thought of a response.


	7. Phase

We were watching the movie together, hidden in the safety of the projector room. The rest of the school was in front of us, watching the screen avidly. I hadn't been awake for any of the filming, and I was simultaneously horrified and amused by how closely it stuck to reality: the criminal with a multiple-personality disorder, tracked down by the highly intuitive detective. Yukito hadn't told me just how eerily accurate the dialogue was.

_Who wrote the script?_ I asked Yukito.

_Akizuki._

_That girl again. She has some connection to Clow, I'm sure of it._

_Maybe. I don't like her much._

_The feeling is mutual._

'What do you mean by that?' Yukito asked cautiously on screen, looking guilty.

'I know… the truth.'

'So what are you talking about?'

'I know about your other self that not even you know about.'

Almost the truth – as far as anyone else knew, Yukito had just discovered who he really was.

Beside me, I could feel the disturbance in Yukito's aura. It was so rare to sense his emotions instead of his thoughts that I looked again. He was feeling…fear, something anticipatory. It was a strange contrast to feel the rock-solid calm of Touya near Yukito's painfully sharp emotion.

'I'm not human,' he said softly to Touya. I understood. He was testing the waters, trying to work out what Touya thought without exposing his own feelings for the psychic. I could hear what he was trying to say so clearly. 'The reason I've had blanks in my memory… it was because I was turning into my other self.'  _Do you know that self, Touya?_ 'And all the memories I've had are all lies…'  _I've lied to you. All these years, and I've believed my lies. I'm not even real, not the me you know, anyway. Do you forgive me? Can you?_

From the corner of his eyes he watched Touya intently. I spared no effort for secrecy, watching him openly; simultaneously, we watched his aura for a telltale spread of grey indicating lies.

There was none. Touya looked Yukito straight in the eye as he replied, and his sincerity was obvious. 'Everything that happened after you met me is all true, right?'

We knew him too well – he knew us too well – to doubt whether he had heard the subtext. He was responding to what Yukito had implied. His eyes turned away, and embarrassment warred with deep affection in his aura and his voice. I couldn't sense it clearly like I had been able to sense Clow's because Touya had less power, but it was there. 'It doesn't matter what you are.'

I sighed slightly. Touya never failed to surprise me. Was Yukito even aware that he'd been talking to me in that sentence? A slight grin curved his mouth.

'As long as you don't disappear, and you're at my side, I don't care about anything else.' He didn't say it, but it was there. The closest thing Kinomoto Touya would possibly ever come to saying I love you.

Yukito's eyes flew wide in shock for a second before warming helplessly with emotion. I half thought he was going to tackle Touya right then – which would have made my life a lot easier – but he just swallowed and said 'Thank you, Touya,' in a slightly choked voice.

_Why don't you kiss him_ , I suggest, half teasing.

_Yue!_  He sounded so nervous that I nearly laughed.

Touya yawned loudly, eyes drooping. Yukito's smile fell immediately, and he wrapped an anxious hand around Touya's arm. It was one of the few times we had touched since the power transfer, and as always there was the subtle jolt of magic between Touya and us. 'To-ya?'

'Stop mothering me, Yuki,' he grumbled, and then winced as he saw the crowd of girls on the other side of the door. 'And I'll be grateful if you get those harpies off me.'

'Of course, To-ya,' Yukito promised with a big, false smile. The girls swarmed around us, giggling and chattering, but my attention was fixed on Touya. His eyes were closing again, and he looked dangerously close to falling. Yukito caught him just in time, worry and guilt radiating off him. Touya waved him off, not wanting to reveal how weak he was. Later, when he walked off – so slowly – to find a classroom to sleep in, I began to chant  _not your fault, not your fault_  to myself, and included Yukito in it because if he felt guilty for another few minutes one or the other of us was going to burst into tears.

Yukito shoved it ruthlessly into the back of his mind – right into me, thank you very much – and plastered his best smiling mask on as he escorted my mistress and her friends around the school. After a while, it became a little genuine. My mistress had that effect on people; she charmed without really wanting to, made things a little brighter just by being there. Hope, I realised belatedly. That was what she was. Hope.

Akizuki was prowling around the Path of the Stars exhibit, no doubt waiting for Touya. She nuzzled my mistress as she was accustomed to, and then noticed the absence of one member of the party. 'Where's Touya?' she asked Yukito.

'He's taking a nap in the classroom,' Yukito replied, ever polite.

Akizuki looked disappointed but understanding. 'Oh, yeah. He'll be like that for a while.'

What the–!

But she was already bouncing about, ordering everyone into groups, pushing Yukito and my mistress in first. My head was whirling. Did she know? how much did she know?

So lost, I almost didn't notice the beauty of the exhibit, but I was roused from my thoughts when they entered a larger room and my mistress began to stammer. Yukito looked at her encouragingly.

'What is it?'

'I…..like….. I like…Yukito, I…'

Yukito closed his eyes for a moment, knowing what was coming.

'Yukito, I love you!'

I had been dreading this for a while. She was my mistress, after all, and I did…care about her. It was impossible not to, really, and her obvious crush on Yukito was going to get her burned. He was feeling rather bad about it too, but…

There was a horrifying silence as Yukito pondered what to say. She stood there, hopeful, embarrassed, afraid as she had never been afraid, and the silence stretched out too long. 'Sakura,' Yukito finally said, 'I like you too. But… the person that you love isn't me.' His voice was low, serious. He hated what he was going to do, I could feel it.  
She blinked.

'Sakura-chan, you love your father, right?'

  
'Y…yes…' she said hesitantly.

'What about me?'

  
'I like you…'

  
'Aren't those two the same feeling?' She stared blankly. 'The feeling of love for your father, and your feelings for me… aren't they very similar?'

'They are alike…' She knew, I knew, he knew that they weren't the same. My mistress might be…dense at times, but she knew her own heart; and while her feelings for Yukito were sweet and innocent and not really romantic, they weren't how she felt for her father, not exactly. But she was agreeing, going along with it because that was the only dignified way out of it, the only way that wouldn't hurt her and Yukito more than it had to.

'It's because I look a lot like your father. …it's not that I'm trying to treat you like a child and not answering your feelings.'

I felt a wave of sorrow for her. This child, caught up in power she was unprepared to handle, a sea of subtle connections flowing around her that her young mind could barely grasp; trying so hard to be all grown up, forced into adulthood, measuring herself constantly against some idealised vision of Clow; surrounded by secrets; hopelessly longing for someone who didn't like her that way. She bore it with grace and humour – and a bit of stupidity – and the strength of her heart awed me suddenly. Here was a girl who would look at Hell and point and say Look, that patch looks nice, doesn't it? Let's have a picnic, and so what if you have horns?

'Did you know all along?' she said slowly, just realising.

'I was very happy that you thought of me like family, Sakura.'

'You realized this because you have someone that you love as well?'

A brief smile tugged at Yukito's mouth. 'You could say that.'

'Is it my brother?'

Just when I thought I had her pegged, my mistress startled me. It seemed to be a Kinomoto technique of some sort. Yukito was equally surprised for a second, then he smiled, a little wistfully. 'Yeah, it is. If Toya wasn't here, I wouldn't even be here now.'

'My brother says a lot of mean things, but deep down he has a good heart.'

'Yes,' Yukito said quietly. I reflected that this was probably the nicest thing I'd ever heard her say about her brother.

'He's shy, so he will often do mean things, but…'

'Though I think To-ya is my number one, I don't know about his feelings.'

'I'm sure he thinks you are his number one too. That's why I think he gave his powers to Yue.'

I felt that odd pang again. It really was always Yukito, wasn't it? Was she even aware that I was listening to this?

'Besides, if it's my brother, I don't mind him being my Yukito-san's number one person.'

'Sakura-'

A bright smile flashed, painfully forced but happy despite that. 'But if Touya's ever mean to you, Yukito-san, tell me and I'll punish him for you, okay?'

'Thank you,' Yukito said, smiling slightly. We were both relieved. It was going to be all right. She was going to get over this. Besides, her offer was rather charming. Yukito looked her in the eye, dead serious.

'I'm sure you will find him: the person you love the most. And I'm sure that person will think of you more than anyone else, too. If such a person shows up, please tell me. And if that person ever makes you cry, I will give him a piece of my mind.'

'Okay.'

And then the world shattered into flying fragments of glass. Before either of them could even react, I shoved Yukito hastily out of the way and took over, shielding her with my wings.

Clow. That was the first thing I felt. 'Yue?' my mistress quavered, and that was the second thing.

'Now that my powers have returned,' I said, half to myself, 'I can feel it clearly. This is Clow's presence.' It was. At that moment, I hated him for having such a distinctive signature.

'But Clow Reed is–'

'Dead,' I finished, cruelly.

My mistress used Maze and Illusion, turning the pretty exhibit to something…magical. We both sought Clow's aura, and she found it first. She ran ahead of me, forgetting the rules of the Maze, and though I flew quickly after her the entrance now led somewhere else.

'Sakura!' someone else's voice, and unfortunately a familiar one. The Li was tracking her through the Maze. I was impressed. The boy was able to slice through Maze, something he was incapable of a year ago. It wasn't only my mistress whose powers were increasing, although I suspected that the desperation in his brown eyes was more the cause of his strength than anything else at the moment. He looked up at me. 'Where is she?'

I could feel her, just ahead. 'This way.'

I flew, and he followed, tearing through the maze. I muttered dire imprecations to Maze under my breath, and received only a shrug and a faint  _Sakura didn't specify who_  from the Card. Reminding myself to teach my mistress how to do that, I ripped through another wall and restrained myself from saying some of the spicier words Watery liked to use when we landed in yet another hallway and my mistress' presence – and Clow's – moved to the opposite direction. The Li matched me step for step.

Two Cards, transformed – Maze and Illusion, both mine – flew past us at the same moment that the maze returned to its normal appearance.

'What happened?' the Li breathed, tense.

'She was overpowered,' I answered curtly.

Then Clow's presence winked out, and my mistress' followed a moment later. We found her unconscious, the still-summoned Cards hovering over her. I scooped her up and carried her out to a secluded place on the grounds. The Li looked torn between hunting Clow and grabbing my mistress from me.

When she woke, she didn't remember what had occurred. Another favourite trick of Clow's.

We walked her to the school gate, and Yukito asked her whether she wanted him to walk her home. She refused politely but firmly, and he didn't press it.

That evening, we were at home. Yukito had decided, for obvious reasons, not to go to Touya's for dinner as they had originally arranged; my mistress needed space and time to deal with what had happened.

_I feel,_  Yukito said wryly,  _like the world's biggest jerk._

_Anything else you said would have been insincere. You dealt with her better than I ever could._

_That doesn't make me feel better. It's my fault, after all; this moon attraction._

_Believe me; I know exactly how you feel._

_I know you know._

There was a brief tingle of  _push_  on my magic. I froze; someone was coming through the gate.

_To-ya,_  Yukito said resignedly. He knew, of course, and he was going to come over here and thrash the living daylights out of the two of us for making his little sister cry – magic or no, Touya could be very scary when he decided to be. Either that, or he was going to be sympathetic.

It was hard to tell at times.

There was a knock on the door, typically Touya – a soft, quick rap, but a clear and definite one. Yukito gulped and promptly froze.  _What do I do?_

_Why ask me? He's_ your  _friend, isn't he?_   _I'm not exactly experienced with friendship, you know._  Again there was that edge, without my placing it there, and I felt Yukito stiffen when he heard it. There was another tap at the door, louder this time, but we both ignored it.

_Yue,_ he began, very hesitantly.  _What did y–_

The door to his house slammed open and Touya was suddenly there at the entrance, his dark eyes filled with worry. Yukito looked at him, surprise colouring his aura, but drowned completely by the sheer relief in Touya's. This close, I could make out individual emotions, and I retreated slightly from the overload from both of them.

'You're all right,' Touya said, a little shaky. He looked tired, and he was leaning subtly against the wall.

'To-ya?'

'You weren't home for dinner and you didn't answer your phone. And when I got here…'

'Oh.' I knew Yukito's eyes had widened by the increased scope of my physical vision. 'Oh, To-ya, I'm so sorry. I…' he trailed off as Touya stumbled again. The action would have been normal for anyone else, but the graceful athlete never lost his balance. Not until the transfer, anyway.

'It's okay,' Touya said dismissively, and sank down gratefully onto a quickly placed chair as if it were anything but.

'I didn't mean to, I really wasn't thinking, it was just that I was rather upset after the festival and I thought Sakura needed some time to adjust and–'

'Sakura?' Touya interrupted. 'What happened?'

There was an uncomfortably loud silence. Yukito's mouth opened and shut a few times before he said, stupidly, 'You didn't know?'

'Yuki, you little idiot, how could I?'

With no powers…

Yukito sat down next to him. 'She…confessed.'

Touya rubbed at his temples. 'Shit,' he swore uncharacteristically. 'The poor kid.'

'How do you know I rejected her?' Yukito said, with a glimmer of his old mischief.

Touya lifted his head to glare at Yukito. 'Tell me you're kidding, or I'll have to beat the living daylights out of you.'

'Of course, To-ya,' Yukito smiled. 'She'll get over it soon, I think. It's nothing more than the moon attraction.'

The glare hardened. 'You do know,' Touya said quietly. 'I was beginning to wonder.'

'Know what, To-ya?'

'About yourself. About Yue. How long have you known, Yuki?'

Flat out, just like that. Yukito stopped breathing.

'…To-ya, I…'

'Quite a while, then.' Touya's face was blank, and his aura even more featureless. 'Maybe even before the Judgment?'

Yukito nodded, slow, unsure.

'You acted rather strange after that for a few days, and…I suspected. And what Yue said… that day, when you were in the park I almost knew, but I–' he cut himself off. 'Wait. Wait a minute. You mean you knew you were…why you were sick? What I was trying to say?'

Yukito bit his lip. I tensed. That little pulse of emotion was beginning to glitter fever-bright with anger, screaming a warning to both of us.

'I have to go.' He stood abruptly, despite his obvious exhaustion.

'To-ya, wait!'

'Wait?' he growled. 'Whatever for? Clearly, you don't trust me enough to tell me something this important. You knew all along, Yuki. You knew what I was trying to tell you, you knew I knew you were fading away, you knew I was worried, and you pushed me away, you  _lied_ to me, you lied to  _me_! And that's not all.'

I flinched. So did Yukito.

'Six months. I had to watch you for six months, I could feel your magic fade, and then you started to disappear…I don't want to know why you waited so long to ask me for my powers, because I made it so clear that I wanted to give them to you.'

'To-ya, I wouldn't–'

'You did,' he seethed, voice dropping to a whisper. 'I had to know you were dying and not say a word, I could  _sense_ you going away and it was ripping me apart inside. I don't know how you'd feel in the same situation, Yuki, but take it from me: watching your best friend die slowly isn't fun. And without you knowing, without Yue's consenting to let you know, I couldn't give you my powers. I thought you'd tell me when you found out. I thought you trusted me enough. This whole mess – this – all of it–' he gestured at himself, at us, his face twisting with too much emotion. Touya's features weren't built for such mobility. 'None of it had to happen. And the worst part of it is, you didn't even notice I was feeling that way.' A pointed pause. 'You didn't, did you, Yuki?'

My vision was becoming blurred as Yukito's eyes brimmed with tears. 'To-ya,' he whispered.

'Not now,' the other boy said ruthlessly as he stood. 'If I stay here I'll say something I'll regret later. Find me when I'm calm.'

The door slammed shut, and Yukito broke down.

I did the only thing I could then, drawing Yukito's presence closer to mine and wrapping it in warmth. 'Shhh,' I soothed awkwardly as Yukito cried. 'Shhh.'

I felt strangely close to Yukito. The barrier that separated his self from mine had never been so tenuous, so insignificant.

I didn't bother to deny what Touya had said, justify it or argue with it. He was right; we had been fools, both of us.

Touya wasn't at school the next day. Nobody was surprised; he had been looking so awful at the Seijou festival that even the teacher looked relieved when my mistress brought in the note. Yukito was a complete waste of time; he wouldn't even talk to me, writing notes fiercely and focusing only on the schoolwork even at break.

Akizuki cornered me in the hallway. For once, that stupid-cute-chirpy guise had been discarded and she was all business. 'So, Tsukishiro. Is Touya all right?'

Taken aback, Yukito could only nod.

'Such a pity he didn't choose me,' she mused. 'But oh, well. I guess he knows his own mind.' A laser gaze turned on us. 'You will watch him, won't you?'

She knew. All the time, she knew. About my powers, and about the transfer both. I – we – quelled a surge of anger.

'You knew,' Yukito hissed. I didn't even know he could hiss.

'Of course. I didn't want you to die, but I did want him to be mine.'

'Huh?'

Akizuki leaned closer. 'Oh, my,' she said. 'You don't know the conditions for this sort of thing, do you?' she began to laugh. 'Such a pair of idiots!'

Conditions? What conditions?

But she had already returned to her cheerleader personality and was dancing away down the corridor.

When classes were over, we went straight over to the Kinomotos'.

Touya was fast asleep on the bed, but it was normal sleep, not caused by magic exhaustion. We both relaxed slightly at that, and out of habit Yukito pulled up a chair and began to read, one eye watching the window, the other watching Touya. It was nearly an hour before he stirred, and when he did Yukito was there, unsmiling for once. 'To-ya.'

A tired sort of grin. 'Yuki.' Yukito sat down on the bed next to him. I watched silently, as I usually did when they talked.

'To-ya, I'm sorry,' Yukito began, but the grin just grew wider. Touya placed a gentle…dare I say tender? – hand on his lips, silencing him.

'I know you are, okay? Don't beat yourself up about it. You had other things to think about at the time. I just needed to vent that, is all.'

'You were right,' Yukito said quietly, moving his head so Touya's palm was on his cheek instead of his mouth. 'All of it, you were right. Yue agrees, too. I should have trusted you enough to tell you. I was just…if we both knew I wasn't human, then…I don't want it to change, To-ya. I was afraid…if it came out, maybe you wouldn't…'

Such foolish reasons in the clear light of day. But then, most excuses seem terribly rational at the time.

'You're an idiot, Yuki. I knew the day I met you.'

'I know. Yue told me so. But you never talked about it, and I didn't want to break that pretence. It was bad enough seeing the way everyone looks at Yue; call me selfish, but I didn't want that to happen to me.'

I was in shock. I had never suspected…

'I didn't know it was getting this bad, To-ya. You have to believe me.'

'I believe you.' Touya said, and then looked extremely uncomfortable and changed the topic.

They talked about inconsequential things; schoolwork, the upcoming Tsukimine shrine festival, the Li – a topic initiated by Yukito solely to tease him. It was nearly three hours and a 'quick snack' later that Touya became serious again. I had long stopped listening, content to relax in their presence, soft voices a background to my thoughts.

Then Yukito's voice invaded them.  _Yue?_

_What is it?_

_To-ya wants to talk to you._

_What!?_  I confess that came out more like a yelp.  _No._

_Yue, he wants to know some things, and I think you're more qualified than I to tell him._

I felt an absurdly strong urge to flee, and stayed simply because (a) if I transformed and tried to run Touya would notice and (b) Yukito was on Touya's side and wouldn't allow me to escape. Giving in to necessity, I called the magic out and transformed. It was still Clow's circle beneath me.

Touya shivered, hands rubbing briskly at his arms. Apparently he was still a little sensitive to magic; his own, at least. 'Yue,' he said tentatively.

I crossed my arms in front of my chest and gave him my iciest glare. 'What did you wish to speak of?'

'I want to know the truth,' he said simply. 'Who you are, what the monster's been doing these last two years, who's behind all this strange magic recently. Everything.'

'Very well,' I said, feeling uneasy again. 'I shall do as you desire.'

To my surprise, he smiled. 'I'm not calling in a favour, Yue, I just want to know. You don't have to tell me if it's painful to you. And sit down, please. It's not polite for the host to be seated and the guest to be standing.'

I obeyed, still ill at ease but willing; gathered my thoughts and began.

'Many centuries ago, there lived a powerful sorcerer by the name of Clow Reed…'

I told him the whole story, from my birth to my sealing, and then the events that had followed the escape of the Cards. I finished with the reappearance of Clow and the beginning of my weakness and ended with my mistress' confession to Yukito the day before. I held back a few things; details of my relationship with Clow, the attraction spell (the last thing I wanted was for him to develop a sister complex where  _I_ was concerned) and my dream during the Judgment. He listened carefully, asking a few questions but otherwise silent. To his credit, when I finished, he didn't ask any stupid questions. He simply nodded, thanked me and fell into deep thought. I was in a contemplative mood myself, and for the first time I felt at ease around Touya as we both sat there. He was studying me openly, curiously, and the absence of ulterior motive in his clear gaze made it tolerable.

Finally, I spoke. 'So?'

'So what?' he replied absently.

'You've had time to think. What do you think of all this?'

'I don't know,' he said with a short laugh. 'It's too much to take in all at once.'

I heard Yukito in my head, and snorted. 'Yukito wants you to know that he empathises with you completely.'

That got another laugh from him. 'I'm…' his forehead creased briefly. 'A little angry that you and Sakura don't – didn't – trust me enough to tell me right out. I'm a little freaked out that my little sister, who can't wake up on time in the morning or tie her bootlaces right, is one of the most powerful mages in the world. A little sad that there's so little I can do to help. But I'm mostly not bothered, really.'

He was probably being honest. There wasn't much that bothered Touya. I swallowed, cleared my throat slightly. 'Touya?'

He looked up at me, a peculiar amusement in his eyes. 'You know, that's the first time you actually said my name.'

'Is it?' I said blandly, concealing my realisation of the same.

'What did you want to ask me?'

What had I wanted to ask?

'…never mind.'

That night, Yukito walked over to the Kinomotos' and I flew up to the roof. Only Windy, Watery, Dream and Mirror were waiting; Yue's Angels, as Watery called them – a reference that had sent Yukito into splits when he first heard it and still left me mildly bewildered.

'Yu!' Mirror yelped and hugged me. She had become much more demonstrative in her affections recently. Come to think of it, they all had. When we had been supported by Clow, we had all been much more serious and reserved, even in our teasing and banter. Now, they were supported by my mistress, and it seemed to make them more open and warm. I could only imagine the effect drawing power from Touya would have on my own personality… I groaned at the thought of developing his sister complex. Perhaps I would start glaring every time Mirror talked about Touya, or feeling sudden insane urges to strangle the Li…

'He's definitely spaced out,' Watery said, waving a blue hand an inch away from my eyes. I flinched away. 'So what's eating you?'

'I hate your slang. Have I ever told you that?'

Watery winked. 'Why do you think I do it?'

Dream sat down next to me, her robes rustling, our hair almost the same shade as it trailed down our backs and mixed in the gentle breeze. She shivered – the Cards were much more sensitive to stimulus in their spirit forms – and I wrapped a wing around her. The others crowded closer. 'Watery, stop teasing him.'

'But he's such fun to tease!'

_I know,_  Yukito said, moving forward. I started. Had he been able to do that before?  _He's really quite immature._

'Very. Look how crabby he gets whenever Akizuki goes near Sakura's brother.'

'I do not! –Wait. How do  _you_  know about that?'

'Oh, so it's true! Yueeeh's jealous!'

'Who told you about th-her?'

Watery winked, and pointed right at me. 'Take it up with him, not me.'

'Yukito?' I said incredulously. He collapsed into giggles.  _Traitor._

_Well, it's not gossip if you're talking about yourself,_  he said piously.

'And it's not just that. You should have seen him when Keroberos used to win at backgammon.'

'Oh, yeah. I remember that. He used to get really annoyed when that happened.'

'And the roof-sweeping incident–'

'And Clow had to unpin him with magic–'

'Which roof incident was that?' Dream, the youngest, asked.

'If I may,' Watery said with a glint of pure malice in her eye. 'Keroberos and Yue used to play for chores, right? And Yue had to sweep the roof out once. He goes up to the roof and starts sweeping up the dirt and stuff. Then some poor fool delivering groceries turns up and starts screaming when he sees Yue, wings, hair and all. So he transforms to his false form – I think it was only the second time he did it unsupervised, we were all quite young then – and this only makes the guy scream more because he recognised his false form. Clow comes out to see what happened, and while he's erasing the grocery guy's memory, Yue tries to jump off the back of the roof so he won't be seen by anyone else. But the transformation isn't complete, and he gets caught on the tiles by his hair as he jumps. Now he's yelling his lungs out at the back of the house, hanging about ten feet from the top…' Watery wiped at her eyes, which were, well, watering. 'Anyway, Clow spent about two hours working all the mud and dust out of his hair. It was quite funny, really.'

I tried manfully – Guardianfully – to restrain the red creeping up my cheeks. Watery was wheezing for breath, Mirror was giggling and even Windy had a wide smile on her face. They'd done that that day too, come up to the roof in a gaggle and made embarrassing comments. I had just sat there and blushed furiously while Clow slipped gentle fingers and delicate magic through my hair, unpinning the thick lustrous strands from the tiles they'd caught themselves on…there was no need for him to do that, Bubbles could have finished the job in a minute. But Clow had always loved running his fingers through my hair, even then, before we…

'Dream. Windy. I need to ask you all something.'

They took note of my serious tone and sobered. 'What is it, Yue?'

'We know Clow's behind these recent…magical activities.'

'He's trying to make Sakura transform the Cards,' Mirror said. 'So?'

'So he's alive, and if he is, then…what do you all think about that?'

'I don't care,' Watery said promptly. 'Sakura's the one I'd listen to now, even if it came down to a contest between them for the Cards.'

'Watery!' said Windy, shocked. As one of the oldest humanoid Cards, and one of the most complex, she had loved Clow very deeply in her own way. Inside my mind, Yukito was silent, but I could feel him controlling himself.

'It's the truth,' the elemental said with a grim sort of smile. 'Do the math, Yue. If he can do such strong magic now, he either never died or he was reborn a long time ago. Maybe thirty, forty years. And if he didn't seek the Cards out in that much time then that means he doesn't want us back. And Yue, since you asked, you're a fool for hoping.'

'I didn't–'

'But you were,' Dream said softly. 'You were hoping we'd say what you want so badly to say, because that would make you feel better. But we won't. Even if we want to go back to Clow, we will not, because Sakura's our mistress now. Clow will tell you so.'

'Dream,' I whispered. 'What did you see? Tell me!'

The Card shook her head. 'I can't. I'm sorry.'

' _Tell_  me!'

'I can't, Yue. I'm sorry.'

'And you all share this opinion?' I said.

'Most of us, yes,' Windy agreed calmly but sympathetically. 'The sun-ruled are even more dedicated to Sakura than we are. We moon-ruled seem to be having some difficulty resolving where our loyalties – and our feelings – lie, mostly,' she added pointedly, 'because of a similar conflict within our Guardian. Keroberos suffers no such ambivalence.'

I had the grace to feel shame.

'I can tell you this much,' said Dream, her voice a tiny whisper. 'It's coming, Yue. Clow is going to show himself, I know he is, and when he does Sakura will have to fight him. And if in that combat you don't know which side you're fighting for, then people you care for are going to die.'

People I care for… Yukito. The Cards. Touya. Keroberos. Sakura. I felt a chill.

'That's more than prophecy, that's certainty,' Watery said darkly. 'It's obvious that's where this is going. If she succeeds in transforming all the Cards then she will have passed Clow's test. Until then, he'll keep attacking.'

'I know.'

_Do you?_

_I know,_  I repeated, more firm, but less sure.


	8. Nadir

The phone rang. Yukito picked it up on the third ring. 'Hello, Tsukishiro residence,' he said.

There was a very long silence from the other end of the line.

'Sakura?' he said gently.

'Y-yes,' she stammered, and then blurted out in a rush, 'TouyaSyaoranTomoyoandIweregoingtothemoonfestivalandwouldyouliketocomealong?'

Lucky for us, we'd had to untangle Shot's sentences for practice. 'Of course I would, Sakura,' he said, still in that careful tone of voice. 'Thank you for inviting me.'

There was a quick, relieved burst of laughter from the other side. 'Oh, it's nothing really, thank you  _so much_  for saying yes.'

'You're welcome.'

_It would seem that she's gotten over you._

_That's good to know, isn't it?_

_Yes it is,_ I said, and was slightly surprised at how much I meant it.

_Of course,_ Yukito said gloomily,  _there's always the possibility that she's just doing this to make me feel better. That would be just like her. I don't want her to force herself to be around me to make me happy._

_Why don't you leave the gloomy predictions to me?_  I suggested acidly.

But I did wonder.

Touya rang the bell at five forty-five sharp.

'To-ya! Weren't you supposed to be at work till seven?'

'Quit,' Touya replied concisely.

'You quit your job? Why?'

'Couldn't handle the hours.' His expression invited no response, although we both knew exactly why he couldn't handle the hours. 'Want to go to the festival now?'

'Sure,' Yukito said, shrugging into a coat. Soon they were trudging their way to the shrine.  
'You know, it's strange,' Touya mused. 'You were always pale, really, but after the transfer you…look different.'

Yukito turned to look at him. 'Different? How?'

'You glow.' Touya's hand brushed against the air an inch from our face. 'It's the magic in you. Or maybe it's something else.' He looked about to say something, but just then a yawn escaped him. And then another.

'To-ya, are you really all right?' We were walking in step, which was disturbing. Touya usually covered one step to two of Yukito's.

'It's just like usual. Don't worry about it.' A lie, but we couldn't pursue it.

'I'm happy that Sakura invited me,' Yukito said sadly. 'I know that Sakura's feelings towards me aren't completely the same as the way she feels about her father, but she shouldn't stop looking for the one she really loves because of me. She was smiling, but I don't think she will be happy to see me.'

Unexpectedly, Touya placed a gentle hand on the back of Yukito's head. I could feel the warmth all the way to my own, and it made us both shiver. He must have felt it, but his hand didn't drop.

'She thought it out on her own, and accepted your answer. She's cheerful again now. That's why she invited you, right?'

Yukito smiled, not entirely sincere. Touya's hand fell away, but I could feel the touch of him. So could Yukito.

Touya was right as always. When we reached the Tsukimine shrine, she greeted Yukito with her old cheerfulness, although the blush was notably absent.

'Hi, Sakura,' Yukito said, bending over to meet her at her own level. She smiled at him and took his hand unselfconsciously, tugging him forward to see the booths. Touya fell back with the Li and Tomoyo. He wasn't going to be happy about that.

He was even less happy when he had to buy them popsicles – the Li included. The Li seemed to enjoy that part, although he looked faintly disgusted at not paying for himself.

'Why do I have to pay for that brat?' Touya said for the seventh time in as many minutes as he stomped through the festival, glaring at everyone. I could feel the irritation thrumming off him.

'To-ya, why do you keep being mean to that boy?'

'Because I don't like him.'

'Why?'

'He's going to steal away something that's very important to me.' Ah, so that was it. I just knew that Yukito was going to make some remark that would generate a  _shut up_  from Touya, but he didn't have the chance. My mistress popped up in front of him.

'Touya!'

He jumped, all his hair standing on end. 'Don't scare me like that! Now what do you want?'

'I'm thirsty, so I want some juice. Some for Yukito, Tomoyo, Syaoran and me.' She counted it off on her fingers as she spoke. Touya was less than happy.

'You want me to pay again?'

'We'd end up spilling them if we drink while we walk,' Sakura said cheerily, 'so we'll be waiting by the pond over there.' Masterful. Even Yukito was impressed.

'But why do  _I_  have to -'

'Thanks!'

'But -'

Yukito was giggling maniacally in my mind, but outwardly he displayed more composure. 'It's impossible for one person to hold all that. I'll go buy them with him.'

I could feel Touya's expression.  _Et tu, Brute?_

'Oh, I'll do it!'

'It's all right. We'll see you at the pond in a minute.'

'Right!'

Touya was steaming at the ears. 'Jeez! Why do I have to pay for that brat…' he saw Yukito's face and said, 'What's wrong?'

'You didn't notice when Sakura approached you. Until now, To-ya, you could tell when someone came to your side, even if your eyes were closed. But I took away that power.' Yukito stopped and we looked up at Touya. He looked grim, and this time it wasn't about the Li.

'Yuki, if you had a lunch, and when you were about to eat it I showed up, starving to death, what would you do with that lunch?'

'I'd give it to you, To-ya.'

'That's just what I did.' He took Yukito's cheeks in a light grip and met his eyes squarely. 'Bring it up again and I'll have to kill you.' The words were playful, his eyes anything but.

'Okay,' Yukito said. He sounded breathless and a little adrift, his hand going up to his cheek reflexively.

'I mean it, Yuki. Don't ever question why I did what I did. And stop looking like a kicked puppy every time I yawn. I hate it.'

'But if you hadn't, you'd be–'

'Without you,' Touya interrupted harshly. 'And that's unacceptable.' And he strode away without another word.

Yukito was left reeling, frozen in place.

'It's beautiful,' Yukito whispered.

'It's Sakura, isn't it?' Touya asked, not really expecting an answer. The glowing light fell gently, soundless as a snowflake to the ground. I shivered. It was too much like snow, and I…I didn't like snowfall.

'It's Sakura,' Yukito confirmed softly, so that the other two wouldn't hear. 'The Glow Card. One of mine.'

'Mine,' Touya said, as if he were considering the word. I was taken aback for a second, but…after all, Yukito was…

What was he, really? What were we? Yukito insisted that we were the same person, but I had always discredited that because we were simply not alike. But, I realised slowly, that wasn't what he'd been talking about at all. I had felt an achy void within me since being unsealed, felt cut off from the warmer, happier part of me. I could count my smiles on one hand, and my laughter; and even those had been restrained, half-felt, half-thought. I was a dark shadow of my former self. Could it be that what I had lost was, in fact, what Yukito was?

This thought had occurred to me before, in varying degrees of strength. I had more or less accepted it, but making the next move was unbearably and inexplicably difficult. I reflected bitterly that that was one thing neither Yukito nor I possessed; the ability to act decisively and quickly.

Touya left with the others, and we set off for our home. Behind us, I could hear my mistress cheerfully manipulating her brother into walking the Li home as well. She was getting good at it, I had no doubt that Touya was going to have real trouble winning against her once she became older.

The next major upheaval in my life occurred about a week after the Tsukimine festival. It was night, and we were alone, and it was beyond time to tell him.

_Yukito._

_Yue?_

_I…I believe you._

_What about?_

_That we are the same person._

Shock, heavy and brutal, spread through my mind. Was it Yukito's, that I had admitted it finally, or my own, that I had done it out loud? I didn't know.

… _ahh,_ Yukito said finally, half acknowlegment, half exhalation.  _Why?_

_Why what?_

_Why do you believe me now?_

_I…don't know. I do. That's all there is to it._

_But you don't know the whole truth yet, Yue, do you. The reason why you are the way you are. The reason why I am the way I am. Why I have feelings for Clow. Why you have feelings for To-ya._

_You do. Tell me._

_You're not ready._

_The last time I checked I was the one in charge of making Judgments._

_Was that a joke?_

_Maybe,_ I said, a little playful, a little worried. Yukito sounded dead serious, and that was never a good sign, because then his voice sounded too much like mine.

_Then perhaps we're closer than I thought,_ Yukito mused.

_You promised you wouldn't lie to me. Keep your promise, then._

_Yue, are you sure you want to do this?_

_I'm sure._ All this time, I had tried to keep from thinking about this, hoping it would insulate me from the consequences. But time was running out, I knew it was, and I couldn't afford to have any doubts left when I had to face Clow. None.

_All right, then. I'll tell you. But first you have to answer a question. Yue, who am I?_

I thought about that. My answers to that question had changed so many times that I was no longer really sure. In the end, I stuck to the facts, what I was sure of.  _You're…Tsukishiro Yukito. You were created as my false form, my human self. You seem to be another part of me._

_This is your answer._

_Yes. …am I wrong?_

_You know, I've been reading a lot of psychology this last year._ I did. But what did that have to do with anything?  _Even before I found out about you. I was particularly fascinated by MPD._

_What?_

_Multiple personality disorder. It usually occurs at a very young age, and there may be many personalities created by a single person. Generally, there's some very deep trauma involved in the creation of the first alter ego by the core self–_

_I see where you're going with this. You're going to say that I created you because of what happened with Clow, after Clow died, and by resolving that issue I'll be able to bring us back together? Yukito, I already know that you're a part of me, so why–_

It was his turn to cut me off. He sounded calm, but there was a sea of panic under it.  _Yue, that's not what I was going to say at all. You're right. Everything you said was right, but there's just one thing you got wrong._

_I'm not the created personality._

_You are._

Everything stopped dead.

_What?_ I said after a full minute had passed. Yukito's presence flinched visibly, already afraid, of what, I didn't know. It wasn't as if I was going to harm him in any way, or would even if I wished to.

_It's true, Yue._

_It's ridiculous,_  I said.

_I knew you'd take it like this._

_Take it like what?_

_Like this. Get all stiff and cold on me. Yue, I'm not playing or joking. It's the truth. I didn't believe it at first myself, but–_

_Prove it._ I even startled myself with how my voice sounded just then.

… _our memories. Of before Clow died. Surely you remember how different you were then, and how much you changed while you were sealed. In those memories, you…acted so much like me. Not exactly like me, but a lot. You displayed emotions easily, you laughed and teased and you were so…happy. Yue, since being sealed, have you ever been happy?_

It was a rhetorical question. At least, I hoped so, because I didn't like the answer.

_What we were. Who we were…split into two because we couldn't handle the pain. Clow died, and Clow rejected us by dying, and we couldn't take it. I still don't know if I could, if it weren't for…but the point is, we cut ourselves off from each other. You became Yue, the Moon Guardian, who had all the bittersweet memories, cold and hating to everyone, so afraid of opening up. But even then, you showed flashes of your old self; to the Cards, to Keroberos, even to me. And I became Yukito, with no idea of who and what I was. But I still dreamed of Clow, and you. That was why you knew what was happening to me, but I didn't know about you; so that you could live through me. You thought that was enough, that if I was happy you would be happy too. Yue, that's a lie. Happiness has to be shared if it's worth anything. If you give and never receive in return you lose something of yourself._

_You told me earlier that you didn't know what I was thinking or feeling, except at the times when I was using your power. I thought about that for a long time before I knew what happened. As long as you didn't come into contact with my emotions you could handle the few you allowed yourself, block them away. But when I was using your power – and becoming more like you – you felt what I was feeling – becoming more like me. That began to break our barriers down, do you see now?_

_That explains why you're the one who controls the transformations, why you can alter what I recall, why you always know what's happening to me. It's necessary if you have to protect me. But my knowing would only place this division in danger, and that's why I can't become you at will. This was why Clow gave me your memories, to start breaking that barrier down. He couldn't tell me, but I figured it out on my own._

_The Yue Clow knew was both of us and neither. Even today, if we were to merge completely, I don't think we'd be anything like him. He sealed away his heart inside his false form and created a 'true form' that could defend the false form effectively – he gave it all his powers, while the false form was human for all practical purposes. He divided himself. I'm his heart, powerless as he imagined he was powerless; you're his self, powerful enough to protect me and keep me from being hurt again the way he was hurt. Maybe he cast a spell to do it, maybe the trauma forced it to happen so that he wouldn't self-destruct. I don't remember, and I don't think you do either._

… _Yue, please. Don't be so quiet. It's scaring me._

_Yue?_

… _Yue!_

I gasped as I was jerked back to my senses.  _Yukito._

_You're still there._ He sounded so absurdly relieved.

_Tell me more,_  I whispered.

… _there's not much left. I don't know what Yue expected would happen when he was unsealed. After all, there was no real difference between him and his false form then, it was just a physical guise. But when I was freed – while Clow was preparing events so that we would have a place in Sakura's life before she opened the Book – the false form was left empty because Yue, the Moon Guardian, was still asleep. I guess I filled that void then, because I was closer to the surface than you at that time. But once it was time for the Book to be opened, you woke up because of your magic's response to the Cards._

_You've always protected me, Yue, do you see that? Always. Whether at the archery contest, or afterwards, or while we were sick. You never thought of yourself before me. Haven't you wondered why?_

_But the attraction spell, I…_

_But that placed the Cards at risk, didn't it? And they've been your first priority since you were created. Clow made us to be Guardians to the Cards, not to himself; not when he was a hundred times more powerful than you or Keroberos. No, you care for me, Yue, don't deny it. And you need me to be truly alive, just as I need you to be whole. I've told you the truth and you know it._

I did. Like pieces falling together, it made complete sense, one horrifyingly rational picture that I had never even seen before. Like seeing a star from a mile away.

_I don't know what to say. This is…too much to…_

_It's okay. This is fine for now. we can talk about this later._

_Yukito. How long have you known? Did Clow tell you?_

_Not really. I figured it out by myself during the Judgment._

_So that's why he gave you my memories. To make you understand._

_That's why he met me,_ Yukito agreed.

_It makes sense,_ I said slowly.  _Too much sense._

_I know how it feels,_ Yukito said.  _It's all right, Yue._

_I don't like it._

_I know._

When had I become the one in need of comforting? I thought wryly and then realised that it was just more proof. Everything was proof.

The link remained open – it was permanent, now, had been since the transfer – and I could feel Yukito's presence warming me, soothing me.  _I don't know anything anymore,_ I said to myself.

_Welcome to life,_  he answered.

Strangely, what Yukito said didn't trouble me as much as it should have. I am moon-ruled, after all, and introspection and an instinctive understanding of truth are characteristic of them. I knew that what he spoke was the truth. It was logical, and correct. I had no defense against it, and unlike Yukito I had enough confidence in myself to not doubt my own reasoning process.

True, I had been sent into a state of severe shock after Clow's death. True, I had retreated into numbness for many years before allowing myself to communicate again with the others in the Book. True, I had always felt a dislocation within myself, especially these last few months. Everything fit. Why Yukito was able to access my power when false forms were incapable of sensing or using magic. Why I had always been so protective of him. Why…oh, too many whys.

I almost found it a relief, in some ways. The knowledge that the person I had been was still within my reach, that the damage to my personality hadn't been permanent, was comforting. And I was so accustomed to having Yukito in my mind now that it didn't seem such an invasion of privacy; I didn't even feel forced into merging us, because Yukito had made it clear that the speed and intensity of the merging was left entirely in my hands. We spent all morning talking about it. It was hard to truly accept, but I knew that I would, in time.

That evening, another 'strange incident' occurred. This time, it was an army of attacking snowmen. Keroberos was trapped inside a giant snowbank, looking extremely foolish, and I felt nearly as idiotic as I fired crystal after crystal into a barrier designed specifically to block my magic. Obviously, Clow was doing this to help my mistress transform the Cards, but did he have to humiliate his Guardians in the process?

Of course, everything ended well, with my mistress transforming Snow and using it to sweep the snowmen away.

'I'm so disappointed that I couldn't get you to wear the new costume that I made, Sakura. I definitely want you to wear it at the next strange incident!' And there was Tomoyo, strange as ever. Her crush on my mistress was obvious to everyone except the subject.

'Uh, if there are that many strange incidents, I would be troubled.'

'But everything will be all right for you, Sakura.'

'That's right,' Keroberos said happily. 'You've been getting through all these tough situations, and been turning all the Cards into Sakura Cards. Perhaps you can become a magician that is stronger than Clow, Sakura?'

'I'm sure that's not -'

'Hey, you think so too, right brat?'

The Li mumbled some sort of assent.

'No,' I said quietly. 'She still has a ways to go. It'll take her a long time to be as good as Clow was.'

'There you go saying mean things again.'  
'I only spoke the truth,' I replied, a little hurt. My mistress had only been doing magic for a year or so. Clow had taken centuries to come to full power, and so, most likely, would she. Besides, Keroberos' encouragement could be very convincing and the last thing I wanted was for her to get overconfident and put herself in danger.

'Now look what you've done,' Watery said accusingly, appearing the minute I alighted on my mistress' roof.

'Me?'

'Oh, I'm sorry, there any other crabby Moon Guardians out there I haven't heard of? Yes, you!'

'What did I do?'

'You made Sakura cry. I might just have to kill you now.'

She was joking. Presumably. 'I don't think I said anything wrong.'

'No? Then why's she in there, going on and on about never being like Clow Reed?'

'She's not Clow. Why would she want to be?'

'You tell her that, not me! Yue, the silly girl's decided to go to the past to talk to Clow.'

'She's  _what_?'

'She's going to transform the Return tomorrow, and use that old cherry tree to go to the time before he died.'

'Clow…' I said softly. A year ago, I would have been offering my assistance on that journey. A year ago, I would have felt a painful hope that she might bring back something…anything…

Now, there was only a curious sort of absence.

'By the way,' Watery chattered on, 'Keroberos let it slip to Sakura that you were in love with Clow. He says sorry about that.'

'Sorry about that?' I said, outraged. ' _Sorry about that_?' Granted, she knew already, somewhat, but knowing that I loved Clow was different from knowing that I was  _in_  love with Clow.

'His words, not mine. And he also said that if you want to turn up tomorrow, you'd better, and I quote, behave yourself and not make a scene.'

'I don't make scenes. That's his job. And you can tell that stuffed toy that I won't be around tomorrow. If he wants me, he can beg.'

'You're kidding,' she said softly. 'You don't want any answers from him?'

'I don't care,' I lied through my teeth.

Then, with her customary lack of courtesy she grabbed my chin and looked me in the eyes. 'Dear goodness, you're really not kidding about not going, are you?'

'Kidding?' I said, uncomfortable, looking for the easy way out.

'You got it,' she said so quietly even my ears didn't catch it. 'You got it, Yue, you got it, you got it, you got it!' she was whooping now, and she did a strange little dance for joy that sent droplets of water all over me. 'You finally got it!'

'Got what?'

'…you poor, oblivious fool.' She patted me on the cheek commiseratingly. 'Don't worry, you'll find out someday.'

'Find out what? Watery!'

But she was gone, giggling slightly. 'Windy will be pleased,' she said as she drifted away.

I stayed awake the whole night, hoping Yukito would emerge, but not wanting to wake him if he was asleep. I wanted to hear his voice, feel his presence in my mind. It was soothing, and I had a feeling that if he kept talking to me it would make the…process that much easier. But Yukito left the link quiet. He was giving me time, I supposed.

Neither of us had any idea that time was just about to run out.

The day passed too slowly for my taste. I didn't know what time my mistress intended to use the Return, and as time went by I became more and more restless. It must have driven Yukito mad, because around noon he snapped  _Yue, would you please stop that?_

_Stop what?_

_Jerking around and fidgeting in my head. You're worse than a three-year-old. Calm down or sleep or something. I can't think when you're like this._

I tried to relax, but it wasn't working. Dimly, I realised that Yukito was tapping his foot impatiently on the floor, and the hand that wasn't writing was drumming restlessly on the desk.

'Yuki!' Touya hissed. 'Pull it together, the teacher's watching.'

Yukito stopped his actions, but it only made things worse. In desperation, I began to run through my repertoire of spells, repeating each incantation, trying to divert myself. It didn't work. By the time school was out, Yukito was irritated and I was nervous.

We caught up with Touya as we reached the gate of the school. 'Hi, To-ya.'

'Yuki. Is everything all right? You nearly glared a hole in the wall in class.'

'I'm fine,' Yukito said and gave him his best puppy eyes through the glasses. I found myself envious of Yukito's eyes. My own sharp, cat-slit pupils were far less suited to being large, watery and utterly irresistible. Of course, I wasn't exactly capable of the kind of manipulation Yukito pulled off routinely.

Touya relented. I reflected wryly that at least there were two other people out there who were even more susceptible to Yukito's manipulation than I. 'Want to get some studying done? There's pancakes at home.'

Yukito leaped at the chance to think about something else. 'Sure.'

Touya opened the front door to his house. 'Hey, monster!' he called. 'I'm home!'

Silence replied.

'That's strange. She's usually home by now.' Touya frowned. 'Do either of you know where she is?'

'Magic,' Yukito mumbled. 'She's trying to talk to Clow.'

'…ah. I'll go get the pancakes now.'

We walked to the kitchen together. When he started heating the pancakes, Yukito spoke.  _Yue?_

_What is it?_

_Have you thought about what I said?_

_You mean there was something else to think about?_  I said sourly.  _I did. I think you're right, mostly._

_It doesn't really matter, you know. Who was the core, who was the created. They're just terms to describe a situation. We're equally divided. I need you as much as you need me._

_Yukito, I'm not out of shock yet,_  I said.  _And this is too hard to simply accept. Unlike you, I don't have any help. But it makes sense, what you're saying. And maybe, once we put this whole mess behind us, we can take some time to sort things out, okay?_

_That sounds like a plan._

'Talking to Yue, are you?' Touya said as he laid the pancakes in front of Yukito.

'How did you know?'

'Because I called you six times and you didn't answer. Hello, Yue,' he added, that half-smile lurking about his lips.

Instinctively, I checked to see if I'd transformed by mistake. I hadn't. It was so rare for someone to address me while in Yukito's form. Even Keroberos and my mistress didn't do it. The gesture warmed me.

'Is there some way the two of you can talk to someone else at the same time?'

'No, not really, To-ya. I can translate messages when I'm the one whose form is out, or Yue can take control of my form and do the same. In his form it's impossible for us to communicate.'

'Oh.'

There was silence for a while as Yukito polished off the mountain of pancakes. His appetite had returned to normal, I reflected, which meant that he could probably out-eat an army regiment.

_Be nice,_  Yukito said.

_Deserve it,_ I replied, smirking.  _You're as bad as the plushie._

'What did he say?'

'He said that I could out-eat an army regiment,' Yukito complained.

'Well.' Touya cocked his head to one side, in deep thought. 'That depends. How long ago was their last meal?'

'To-ya!'

'Because, you know, if it's just after a hike they might actually give you competition. Though if Yue helped, I suppose they'd lose rather badly if he's anything like you.'

I moved forward, feeling the sudden solid press of the chair under me and the cold fork in my hands. 'I don't eat.'

'…I'm presuming that's you, Yue.'

'Right,' I agreed, faintly amused.

'Don't doesn't mean can't,' he mused.

'Haven't done it since I was ten. That was around the time the French Revolution was at its peak.'

'Oh.' To my disappointment, the date didn't surprise him. 'Why not?'

'It's…too much bother.' Actually, Clow had once laughingly said that with the amount I seemed to eat, it was almost as if I didn't need him at all. I had taken the remark seriously, which had shocked him badly, and had never eaten again despite his frequent requests for me to do so. After that incident, Clow was much more careful in how he jested at my expense. I knew now that he hadn't meant it that way, but at the time it had seemed a great injury. Maybe that was why Yukito ate with such gusto…

'Obviously not, if Yuki can make his way through a supermarket every week. You know, I think he's personally responsible for part of the economic growth of this town.'

_I resent that!_  Yukito protested.  _I was made this way!_

'He says he resents it.'

'Truth is a hard thing,' Touya said commiseratingly. I nearly choked.

Just then, there was a prickle of magic from the direction of the Tsukimine shrine, and a part of me felt one of my Cards being transformed. My head twisted instinctively to follow it, my eyes narrowing, the fork falling back onto the plate. She'd succeeded, then. She was in the past.

'Magic?' Touya said.

'Magic,' I confirmed with a short nod. 'She's done it. If all goes well, she'll find her answers.'

'I'm rather surprised that you're not going with her,' he remarked, deceptively casual.

'This is her task, not mine. I would only divert her.'

'Hm.' Which translated to  _yeah, right_ , but I didn't react to it.

'Why aren't you there with them? It's obvious you want to be, from the way Yuki latched onto me at the gate and practically begged me to distract him.'

'I'm trying to keep my distance until I have things sorted out,' I said evasively, licking my lips and tasting sweetness. Touya merely raised an eyebrow and refilled my plate.

Refilled. My. Plate.

My empty plate.

The plate I had emptied.

The insidious, manipulative, sneaky little beast.

Yukito was giggling madly.

I stared at the plate numbly, my mouth slightly open, the fork slack, my fingers shocked nerveless. Touya leaned over and gently pushed my jaw closed with three fingers. I shivered and flinched away, still caught by the ease with which I'd been tricked.

'So, you want more pancakes?' he said, grinning slightly. His aura thrummed with amusement.

'…no thanks.' I pushed the plate away, restless again for some reason. I stood and walked to the nearest window facing the shrine, laying my hand against the glass.

I leaned forward until my forehead touched the pane. Since my body heat was much lower than a human's, it didn't feel cold despite the chill of spring. My eyes closed of their own accord, and I tried to feel for any trace of magic in the air.

The nervous twitchiness was gone, replaced by a quiet sort of waiting. I knew that quiet, it was one that came before a battle. Something important was going to happen, I could feel it all through me. I could only hope that Clow wouldn't try anything tonight; my mistress would be exhausted by the power required to transform Return, using more magic would be difficult.

Touya stood beside me, looking out. He knew enough to know where I was looking. 'She's at the shrine, then.'

I nodded, eyes still closed.

'Are you all right?' A warm, strong hand fell on my shoulder. I froze, eyes flying wide open. Touya withdrew his hand as if he'd been burned. 'Sorry.'

I felt like an idiot. 'No, it's…it's all right, really.'

'Oh.'

He didn't quite know how to take that. So I took his hand and placed it back on my shoulder before I turned away again. It was his turn to freeze as I stared out the window, paying him no attention, apparently serene. There was nothing in his aura except shock. The sun was setting. It was a colourful sunset, all flaring reds and oranges. Unsettling, even though the moon was above the horizon already. Slowly, his hand slid off my shoulder. I didn't acknowledge that either.

'Yue?' he said softly before his hand moved through my hair, ruffling it gently. A common enough gesture with Yukito, but we both felt it all the way to our scalp. In my mind, Yukito made a small sound and closed his eyes. I wondered for a second how his hand would feel on my other form's hair. Would it tangle? Would he prefer to smooth it or run his fingers through it, would his hand slide slowly down its length?

A faint tingle near the shrine, and I tensed, my head snapping up to trace its source. Return again. My mistress must have completed her task.

'Magic?' Touya said again, his hand falling away.

'Magic,' I agreed, and cleared my throat. Twice. 'Thank you.'

'Eh?' he said blankly.

'The distraction. It worked.' I turned away. 'I should leave n–'

Clow.

My fists clenched instinctively, and I turned away from the window. They would deal with it. I wasn't going to go running after him again. 'That's Clow's aura.'

'What the hell is that?' Touya breathed. I spun around to see blackness spreading slowly and deliberately over the sky. I recognised the spell immediately.

I transformed in a second, flinging the doors open by magic. Touya ran after me, and I slowed just a little so he could keep up. The darkness was spreading quickly.

I could feel the spell now, unbelievably strong. Exposed only to my mistress' magic in the last two years, I had forgotten how overwhelming it could be to feel so much magic pouring over me.

There was a peculiar prickling in me, as if a spell was being cast on me. No, not exactly, I realised. More like one was being removed. A memory spell? But what had been erased?

I felt more than heard Touya crumple to the ground behind me. I spun immediately, dropping beside him, lifting him. He was fast asleep, although he looked healthy enough.

I was beginning to get annoyed with this. Very.

I picked him up in my arms and flew on.

The short journey to the shrine seemed to take forever and a day, and I could feel individual signatures now. My mistress wasn't doing anything, but Keroberos was doing something, and Clow, and there were two others whose signatures I didn't recognise but who felt eerily like…like…

Like Keroberos. And me.

Guardians. One of the Moon, the other of the Sun. Clow's new Guardians. Replacements.

As I lost altitude at the edge of the shrine, I saw a panther-like Guardian – the Sun Guardian – raise his wings and send a powerful wind attack towards my mistress and the Li. Unavoidable, and too powerful for Shield. The spell left my fingers without conscious control, a shield flashing into place around them, white with my power, my hand glowing as I sustained it. The blast hit it; it was strong, but I withstood it.

I dropped to the ground, and arranged Touya carefully against a tree. A part of me was concerned for him, but most of me was seething. Clow…

'Yue!' Sakura said, clearly relieved. 'What happened to Touya?'

'He's asleep.'

'Touya, too?'

'Well, I took all his magic, so.'

I had truly drained him if this was true. Everyone possessed some magic, there was no one who did not have the potential. Clow's spell simply targeted those whose magic was so slight that it was insignificant. And if Touya had succumbed, then he had no more magic than anyone else now.

The guilt rose up in me, but I quelled it. There was time for other things later. For now…

It wasn't Clow there, not exactly. It was a boy I saw, one who looked uncannily like him. Blue-black hair, dark amused eyes. His complexion was different though, almost as pale as mine. Eriol, I remembered. Hiiragizawa Eriol, one of my mistress' classmates. That laugh, though, and that aura, and when he smiled, I knew.

'Clow.'

'This is the second time I see you, Yue.'

_That's all you have to say to me?_  I wanted to spit, but I didn't. something else had registered. 'There was one time where I was forced back into Yukito's form against my will,' I said icily. 'Did you do it, Clow?'

'At the time, it would have been troublesome if you'd found out about me, Yue.'

I had to ask him. 'If you were going to reincarnate, why did you make us choose a new master?'

He didn't reply.

If I had had any doubts about his identity, they were lost at this point. Clow never said anything unless it was convenient for him.

Instead, it was the Guardian by his side who spoke. Moon power. That face. Akizuki!

'If Yue is here, of course it means I'm his opponent.'

I took a preparatory stance. If she wanted a fight, she'd get one.

She hurled shards at me and I dodged, taking to the air. She followed me with a vicious slashing attack, moving faster than I, and the first flurry of blows ended in one long lock of silver hair falling to the ground as the razor edge of magic on her arm sliced it off. I glared at her and prepared to attack again.

'After all that trouble to take Touya's magic,' the pink-haired thing purred. I didn't snarl, but it was close. 'I guess this is a difference in the masters' powers too?'

I flew at her and it was her turn to dodge as I attacked. Keroberos launched himself up, and the panther-thing mirrored him. We faced each other in midair, rival Guardians.

'STOP IT!' my mistress shrieked, and Keroberos and I froze in shock. It was the first time she had ever given us a direct order, and my limbs quivered with the strain of such a sudden halt.

'I don't understand!' she shouted. 'Why are you doing this? Clow has helped me so much until now! Why?'  
'To hear the answer to that question, you must first defeat my spell. And morning is drawing near. Is it all right for everyone to stay asleep like this?'

'No! But- but -'

I felt the rise of magic before anyone else and called out a quick warning. Shield blocked Clow's fire, and she used Jump to go to him. He fired quick, thin shots of magic at her, too quick for her to dodge. Keroberos and I flew to her aid, but the other Guardians blocked us, smiling maliciously.

'We're your opponents,' the panther said, and Keroberos growled before attacking.

I didn't bother to watch their battle. Keroberos could take care of himself when he had to, and besides, I had my own opponent.

Who was standing before me, grinning evilly. 'What's the matter, Yue? Scared?' she purred.

'You wish,' I said, before punching her viciously in the face. By mutual agreement we fought phyiscally, slashing and kicking at each other in midair, the edges of our hands and feet glowing with magic, turning hard as stone and sharp as a razor. This fight had been coming for a while and I was savagely glad to be in it. One of her fingernails caught me across the cheek. I couldn't bleed, but it still cut deep. I directed a quick flow of healing magic at it and blocked her next punch to my stomach. 'You've been trying to kill me for months, you…'

'So?' she said before a familiar ruby formed in her hand and I flew back as shards rained through the air around me.

My mistress screamed, a heart-stopping sound. Keroberos and I abandoned our battles and flew after her. Akizuki hovered between us. 'Out. Of. My. Way,' I snarled as I fired shards at her. She put up a shield, absorbing the shards, but she wasn't expecting me to fly at her face, hands crooked into claws, and she retreated in surprise. We flew down to our mistress. She was standing on the ground, the Sakura Cards floating around her. As we watched, she threw the remaining Clow Cards into the air, transforming them. Impressive, to transform seven Cards after a battle.

To change all the remaining Cards into Sakura Cards at once…

Something was wrong, though. There were only six Sakura Cards in her hand, and I could have sworn…

Light and Dark. The last, and most powerful of the Cards. She tried again. 'Light! Light! Light!'  
she called for its transformation again and again, but it failed to occur. She was out of power.

'Looks like it's time for us to act,' Keroberos said softly. I hummed in agreement.

Keroberos picked Light up in his mouth and gave it to her. 'Light and Dark are always together,' he said to her. 'It's best you change both of them at the same time.'

'But I can't even change one Card, let alone two.'

'Light and Dark are the first Cards under our jurisdiction,' I said. 'Maybe we can help change the Cards.'

'You, Kero? Yue? But the Cards only listen to what their master says, right?'

'Correct.'

'They won't change into Sakura Cards, or be of any use unless you use that staff.'

'Then, how are you going to help me out?'

'You just have to absorb us into your staff,' I said calmly. 'If we can be one with that staff, our powers will reach the Cards.' And if it didn't work…that didn't bear thinking of.

'But is it all right to do such a thing? Can you go back to your original forms?'

'They'll be able to if you get rid of this darkness,' Clow offered. Smugly.

'And if I still can't change Light?' my mistress said, sounding very young.

'The same as everyone else. They'll continue to sleep within the staff forever.'

'You can't! If I can't change them, I'll never see you again!' She clutched Keroberos' neck and sobbed, and he rubbed his head against hers in comfort.

I placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, offering strength in more ways than one. 'At this rate, we won't be the only victims. You won't be able to see anyone else because they will all be asleep. Is that all right with you?'

'It's all right,' Kero soothed. 'You have your invincible spell, right?'

She wiped her tears and nodded. 'Everything will be all right.' I could feel her steel her resolve. 'I'll do it.'

'All right.' I felt a smile tug at the corner of my mouth and gave in slightly. She was growing up, that she was. I was proud to be her Guardian. Even if I – Yukito – couldn't offer her the relationship she wanted, I could give her everything else I had. Including my magic.

I felt myself dissolve, the magic that defined me flowing into the staff, and then my human senses shut down. I could feel magic now, and that was all.

We had practiced this, of course, under Clow's supervision, but it was still strange. I felt undefined, liquid somehow, pure magic and a sense of self floating disconnected in it. It was, I presumed, rather like being in the womb. But there was the pull of magic, and the warmth of Keroberos, as omnipresent within the confinement of the staff as my own presence was, and my mistress' shaky but firm grip.

Things moved quickly after that. My mistress' magic held me securely, and beside (around? within?) me I could feel Keroberos, and the innate magic of the staff. I tried to relax, knowing that effort of any kind only increased the resistance. She was drawing an enormous amount of power, just trying to stay awake. I could feel the transformation waver, recede, advance, recede almost to the edge of the Cards…it was going to fail…

Then another magic clamped around the staff; green and cold where Sakura's was pink and warm.

The Li! I gasped. What was he doing? How was he still awake?

But that seemed to tilt the balance, because the power attached to the staff grew, and I felt a surge of relief both within me and from Sakura as the magic transformed Light and Dark. Then the pressure building upon the two of us eased. The magic changed subtly, from transformation to spell. I couldn't tell what was happening, but I could guess. Clow's spell was breaking.

The next thing I knew, Keroberos and I were being summoned out of the staff again. My mistress looked overwhelmed. 'Yue, Keroberos. Thank you so much,' she said.

'There's no need to thank us. We're friends, right?' Keroberos replied cheerfully.

Tomoyo woke up, although Touya was still asleep. I checked on him, and he seemed to be doing fine. He would awake soon.

Clow descended from the arch, and Keroberos and I stepped between him and Sakura, but he raised his hand. 'It's all over, I won't do anything more.'

'Over? What does that mean?'

'It means that they're all Sakura Cards now.'

It was true. The Cards were all transformed now, and they floated up to surround her to prove it, humming with magic and happiness. I watched, feeling relieved. It was over. No more threat. No more worrying about the Cards. But there was still one loose end….

'All right,' Keroberos growled, 'how about you give us an explanation now, Clow! Clow?'

He was gone, vanished without a whisper of sound or a trace of magic . The sun was setting, it was almost dark now, even the moon wasn't bright enough to hold it off, and it all seemed terribly appropriate in a way I wasn't willing to analyse just yet.

Haven't changed a bit, have you? I thought bitterly.


	9. Dual Orbit

 

It took the two of us less than seven minutes to fly to the mansion, and sixteen seconds to discover the barrrier placed around it. It took three seconds after that for Keroberos to lose his temper. He was still railing at Clow when I left, a minute or so after that.

The message was clear.

_Don't follow me._

I was getting very tired of being rejected by Clow.

Besides, I had a strong suspicion that…Sakura…was going to pass out very soon and it would help if I was there.

And Touya hadn't woken up yet.

To tell the truth, I was rather surprised he had fallen asleep in the first place; then again, the Li had nearly collapsed as well, and he had fairly strong magic.

When I landed at the shrine, the two children were unconscious. The Li was holding my mistress tightly, and Tomoyo was trying to pry them apart.

'What happened?' I asked her.

'They fell asleep,' she said helplessly. 'I can't get him to let her go.'

'I suppose we should be grateful that Touya's still asleep, then,' I remarked dryly as I pried his arms off her and lifted my mistress.

'You take the brat. I suppose we should drop him off first,' Touya groused as he came up to us, a little unsteady. 'And why was he hugging my sister?' Could an aura glare? His did.

'That's unexpected.'

'I'd leave him here, but Yuki wouldn't like that.'

Possibly,' I said with a slight smile. Far be it from Touya to admit that he cared about the Li even a little. Yukito was going to have a field day with this. 'Tomoyo. Do you know where he lives?'

'Yes. I'll take you there,' she said, unruffled as ever.

Touya strode ahead of us, holding Sakura to his chest as if daring the world to try taking her away. I was a little worried by how slowly he was walking, but I fell back to walk with Tomoyo.

'What happened while I was gone? They weren't close enough when I left to collapse together like that.'

'Li told her he loved her.'

'I see,' I said carefully. 'Did she respond?'

'Not really. She kind of stared at him for a while and then she fainted.'

'Typical.'

'It is, isn't it? She's not terribly good at noticing these things, our Sakura.'

'No, not really.' I looked at the girl cradled protectively in Touya's arms. She felt completely exhausted. I doubted she would be able to use magic effectively for a few days. 'But sometimes she surprises me.'

'She's good at that, too.'

'You love her, don't you?' I asked her directly.

She smiled, one with many layers in it. 'Have I ever asked you about Clow Reed?'

Silenced.

The door to the Li's house was answered by an elderly man in a suit. He looked shocked for a second before he took the Li from me. 'What happened?'

'I'll take care of this,' Tomoyo said as she slipped past me. I nodded and inclined my head slightly at the man in goodbye before I turned.

Touya was waiting at the gate, Sakura in his arms.

'I'll take her,' I offered.

'It's fine.' I didn't press further. Right now, he needed the reassurance.

It was almost déjà vu. He'd carried her home like this the day she'd chased Illusion off a cliff. Except that it had been Yukito next to him, not me. Realistically, I knew I should transform again, but most people were still asleep. So I floated beside him silently as he carried his sister home. I was drained, emotionally and physically, and I wasn't sure I would be able to stay awake much longer.

'So what happened while I was asleep?' he said finally.

The story took the rest of the journey. When we arrived at her house, I simply nodded at Touya and transformed.

_Yue…_ Yukito began.

_Not now,_  I said tiredly and succumbed.

When I woke up, the sun was in the window. Yukito's bedroom faced south-east. Oh, so it was morning, then.

_Not exactly,_  Yukito said, laughing.  _We're in Sakura's house. It's nearly three in the afternoon._

_What?_

_I just woke up myself._

_What happened?_

_Well, you remember transforming?_

_Yes…_

_I lasted about five minutes before I started falling asleep on my feet. Touya dragged me up here._

_How is she?_

_She's fine. She left a note saying so, and that she was going to school._

_Oh._

_She says Keroberos got home too, late last night, and Li called in the morning. They're a little tired, but they're fine. Looks like her battle with Clow didn't tire her out physically._

_Clow_. How could I have forgotten?

'Yue? That you?' The door opened, and Keroberos' plush-form stood there. 'What are you doing in here?'

'Sleeping,' I said curtly. 'Until just now.'

'Oh. Well, Sakura just called. Says that Clow's leaving for England tomorrow, and she's going to see him before then. I just thought I'd tell you. I'm going to see him, too. What about you?'

'No,' I mumbled, staring at the floor. Leaving? He was…leaving?

'You're not coming?'

'No.'

'You're not going to see Clow?'

'No.'

'You sure?'

'Yes.'

'You really sure?'

' _Yes._ '

'You really really s–'

'OUT!' I bellowed and used my magic to slam the door in his face.

'Jeez, you don't have to get violent,' Keroberos complained from the other side, voice muffled as if he had clamped his hands over his nose. He sniffed, trying to get rid of the pain, no doubt. 'All right, all right, don't get your panties in a twist.'

Panties?

I resisted the urge to go after him and wring his little cottony neck.

_Yue–_

_And you can shut up too!_

Which was how, after an hour of being cajoled, badgered, whined at and threatened by Yukito, I found myself standing, in my true form, outside the room where I could sense Clow and those two…things of his. Akizuki, and that panther Sun Guardian. He was apparently having some sort of argument with Clow's reincarnation. I could hear them clearly. Within me, Yukito was quiescent, the link open but unused. I had requested privacy for this.

I didn't bother to go in. He'd come out to meet me, I knew. If he was the same at all, he would.

'But still, it feels like everything went according to Clow's plans!' that was Keroberos, mouth full of something.

'That's not true,' I heard the reincarnation say, before he excused himself easily and left. He shut the door behind him and simply waited, back turned to me.

'You're not going inside, Yue?'

'I haven't heard your reply to yesterday's question. If you were going to reincarnate, why did you make us decide on a new master?'

The orange-red light of the setting sun fell over him as I stood in the shadows behind him. Yukito was listening within me; I knew he was, even if we couldn't communicate.

'You already know the answer.'

That was news to me.

'Even if I have memories of my past life, I am not Clow Reed himself. Clow Reed will never again appear in this world. That is why he entrusted Sakura with all of you.'

'But still…I wanted to wait… for Clow.' I sounded weak and I hated the weakness. But I had to say that, had to make him understand that what I'd told him the day he died wasn't a momentary flare of anger and passion.

Slowly, he turned around, and in the compassion in his expression I knew the answer better than any words.

'It's not that I don't like the new master,' I said defensively. Sakura didn't deserve that. She was kind, and sweet, and generous, but she wasn't…she wasn't…

'Does that mean you like her very much?' Gentle, teasing. Clow's words in another's voice. I shivered slightly. It was subtly wrong somehow, an imperfect imitation, like seeing a child who looked and acted uncannily like a parent.

'But -'

'Clow Reed no longer exists. If it suits your fancy, you can talk to me any time about Clow, who was so important to you.'

'Clow…' By the time I forced that one word out, my voice had dropped to a whisper, and to my dismay, all the longing was clear in it.

But who was I speaking to? The child before me, or the spectre of the past? Not him, I realised slowly. This truly wasn't Clow. This was all wrong. I had wanted to see Clow, but this wasn't…I shifted uneasily.

'I am really glad that I came here, that I could see you all again. And there were a couple of unexpected things that occurred too. The first was you. I was unable to predict how your false form's heart would choose. I thought that Yukito would have fallen in love with Sakura. The other was Sakura. I couldn't foresee how either would react.'

Ah, yes. The Li. But that was irrelevant.

'Both hearts followed different paths than what I'd imagined.'

Silence fell. I scrutinised him intensely. The pattern of speech, the choice of words, all Clow. But not Clow, either. There were subtle dissonances within him, faint faultlines of magic, like an imcomplete melding of two incompatible substances. I could sense it now, with a cooler head.

'…you will not reconsider.' There was no pleading in my voice. Not now.

'No,' he said firmly.

I was silent for a while. 'All right,' I said finally.

He exhaled slightly.

There was another question, one that troubled me. 'So what was Touya?'

'Touya?'

'You said that you expected Yukito and Sakura to choose each other, and that you didn't expect her to fall in love with the Li.'

'Which is probably galling to you, isn't it.'

'The Li is none of my business,' I said loftily, ignoring his silent chuckles. 'But in all this you never mentioned Touya. What was he then in this plan of yours?'

'The elder brother,' he said thoughtfully. 'I suppose he was the wild card. You see, Sakura's power comes from her father's side on a hereditary basis. But Touya's comes from his mother. Clow never looked into her mother's family, and so Touya's power took me off guard. And I certainly didn't expect that you would choose him, just as I didn't expect you two to split like this. It was my worst miscalculation. I knew that Yue would never fall in love so easily again, but I never thought of Yukito, who had no memories of Clow to trouble him.'

I didn't bother to correct his assumption that I was in love with Touya. I wasn't yet, though I could see it coming. Nor did I correct his assumption that Yukito and I were separate. We were, but not fully, and that would change soon, I thought.

'Y-Clow always insisted that everything was inevitable, and I that nothing was inevitable. So who won?'

'Both of us? Neither? Does it matter now?'

'…I'm not Yue,' I declared. It seemed very important that I should say that.

He didn't react, although his eyes widened slightly.

'The Yue you knew, the one you remember, he doesn't exist anymore. Too many things have changed. I have his name and his form, but I'm not him. I am different now.'

'Exactly.' Eriol said. 'Exactly as I am not Clow. We are in the same situation, you and I.'

His head came up again, and there was a curious emotion in his eyes I couldn't read. It struck me then that this boy was truly not Clow; alike, but not the same. I knew every twitch of expression on Clow's face.

'I see,' I said quietly. 'What will you do now?'

'You know, you're the only one who's asked me that,' he said with a short laugh. 'Honestly, I don't know. Maybe I'll finish school and go to university. Maybe I'll study magic. And you?'

'I…' I faltered. 'Yukito wants something like that too, I suppose. After that, I'll see. Besides, I have Sakura to take care of.'

'That you do. Ever the Guardian. That hasn't changed at all.'

'I don't think that will. I was created to protect, after all. It's the centre of my life.'

It was almost the end of the conversation, but I was loath to leave it. This boy was my last link to Clow, after all.

'Goodbye, Yue,' he said quietly, and turned away.

'I must ask you one more thing.'

'What is it?'

'I must know…' it was cruel, unspeakably cruel, what this was going to do to him, but I had to see whether that fleeting emotion I had seen in his eyes was real or not. 'What do you feel for me?'

He turned back to me, and I saw him consciously lower the shields in his eyes. Midnight blue shone with grief, resignation, unshed tears and desperate love. 'It doesn't matter, Yue,' he said, knowing he had already answered my question. 'The Yue I…knew…is as dead as the Clow you remember. We are different people now, and if we meet again it must not be for the past. Do you understand?'

'I do.' I hesitated. 'I apologise for what I did.'

'It's not necessary. You had to, just as I had to.' A glimmer of humour. 'If we really got going, we would probably spend the next few weeks apologising to each other, and then I'd miss my flight. Not to mention starve. Then you and Ruby Moon would fight, and the house would be wrecked. Thanks, but no thanks.'

'If I leave now, I…' I can't come back.

'You must. I won't allow you to come with me out of some remnant of duty or–or affection. Your life is here. Leave Clow in the past. He's gone. Let it remain so.'

'Yue?'

'Yes, Eriol?'

His eyes flickered when I said his name, and I continued, 'It's yours, isn't it?'

Eriol smiled. 'I have one favour to ask of you.'

'Anything,' I said and found that I meant it.

'Live,' he said simply. 'Be happy. Not because you've been ordered to or created to. Do exactly what you will; you have the ability to think for yourself, and so the right. Clow, for all his wisdom, still believed that he knew better than you what you wanted; that was why he forced you into things.' He smiled. 'It is one fault Sakura does not possess, which is one reason Clow chose her as his successor.'

'And you? What do you believe?'

'I…have seen too many of Clow's plans go wrong to believe the same. I won't control people any more. That's not who I am.'

After a long moment, I nodded. 'I will.'

I waited on the roof of the mansion for darkness, unwilling to transform just yet. The moon rose before dark truly set in. I was sure Eriol knew I was there, but none of them came up to meet me. Sakura and the others left, and only Keroberos sensed me, looking up briefly and shaking his head before slipping back into her bag.

The barriers on my memory were being released. I could recall living here now. That ugly but oh-so-comfortable red chair Clow loved so much. The trees in the garden, although that had changed over time. The attic with the spellbooks. The roof I was sitting on was one I'd fallen off once. Storm and Earthy stuffing Keroberos in the chimney on Christmas Eve. Lying in front of the fireplace, my head in Clow's lap, Keroberos snoozing beside me as long, gentle fingers combed through my hair. The deep red comforter on Clow's bed, my favourite thing in the winter to cuddle up to if Clow wasn't available; Clow woke early, and I tended to sleep late. The way he smelt after he finished working traditional magic, like ash, incense and electricity. The floral scent of his robes that Bubbles always left. His voice, humming along to mine as he played the piano and taught me to sing. The strange little sound he made whenever I touched the back of his neck. Long glossy black hair wound through mine. Little had plaited them together once while we took a nap; it had hurt when he rolled off the bed and our heads knocked, and I had spent the rest of the hour chasing her down while she hid in a rathole on the second floor and Clow laughed, annoying aggravating man that he was. The smiles; mocking, teasing, delighted, excited, predatory, sensual, childlike, knowing; so many, precisely catalogued in my mind, like a library I could access at will. Photographic memory, and I had spent months, years, registering his every movement.

I waited for the pain, but it didn't come. Instead, I felt oddly relaxed, as if something had been resolved. I sat there on the roof for hours, just remembering.

Finally, I remembered the exact circumstances Eriol and I had met in, my desperate confrontation in the elementary-school playground.

_There are things that I must do. I've been keeping it a secret from both you and Keroberos, Yue._ And a tender touch on my cheek, one I could feel but not see with my eyes forced closed. Brushing hair away from my face, a familiar gesture. Clow wasn't very fond of the way I wore my hair, claiming that it covered my eyes too much.  _Even if you can't get magical power from your new master, you have someone suited for receiving power near you. It's tough when your true form and your false form have different minds, isn't it, Yue? But it looks like things are progressing very differently from what I planned. I'm having lots of fun as a result._  A burst of magic, directed at me. _But I can't let you figure out that I'm around right now, so it would be best if you just forget._

I sighed, remembering what Eriol had told me this afternoon. It was strange, the connection between Eriol and Clow; sometimes he said 'Clow' and others, 'I'. No stranger than my own with Yukito, but as hard to understand.

It had been Clow who had wiped my memories, after all. Eriol was right; Clow's belief in the inevitable had made him arrogant in the end, made him believe that he knew best what was necessary; for the Cards, for Sakura, for myself. He was very wise and farseeing, but some choices had to be made freely or not at all, and he had never understood that, bowing to necessity as he always had. I stood, my wings flexing as I considered that thought. Not Eriol, but Clow. Everything was different after all, and it was time I accepted the answers I had found.

On impulse, I took to the air. I knew it was a stupid risk, that people could see me. Let them. They wouldn't be believed anyway.

I hadn't flown without purpose in two centuries. It felt different somehow, the rush of air through my feathers purer, the wind in my face stinging and cold and alive, so very alive. I flew as high as I could, as fast; made my wings disappear and fell like a stone; swooped up at the last moment; twisted and turned, moonlight and relief a powerful drug, making me light-headed and dizzy. For nearly an hour, I flew through the air, tumbling and twisting without any real need or reason. It felt good to do that, to let my muscles decide my next movement, rational thought extending only far enough to keep me safe.

Finally, I hovered in the air, nearly a kilometre off the ground. In the distance, I could see Tokyo Tower. Had I gone that far? Apparently so.

Tokyo Tower was something of a landmark to me; I had discovered the power of uncertainty there, and the power of hope. I had conducted the Judgment there, met Sakura for the first time. Talked to Yukito for the first time. Assaulted the Li, which I could bring myself to feel a little regret for now. Gained a new mistress, and set myself on a path that had drawn me to places and people I would never have expected. Both our lives had changed that day; mine, and Sakura's. We both bent the odds, after all. It was the sole similarity between us. That, and our inability to see what was right in front of us, I thought wryly.

I had made a career out of ignoring the obvious because it was inconvenient. I had defined my life using my duty instead of my self. I had torn myself apart rather than accept that the past was gone. I had nearly chosen death over life. I had, I realised, been an absolute idiot.

'I don't know who I am,' I said out loud. It felt unexpectedly good to say. 'I don't know who I am. I don't know who I am! And it feels great!' I twirled in midair, feeling childish and exultant, absurdly accomplished, as if I had found some great enlightenment.

And maybe I had, because I hadn't been that happy since…no. I hadn't been that happy ever.

Quieting, I woke Yukito. It should have seemed terribly significant that this was the first time we had ever been able to link while in this form, but in the light of the day's events it was expected, ordinary and quite possible.

_Yue?_ There was a pause as he picked up what had happened, accessing the memory I extended to him.  _I see._

_I expected this._

_So did I. But you needed the closure._

_I know._

_It feels peaceful here._

_Peaceful,_  Yukito agreed with a sigh.

_There are things to do,_ I said.  _We still have to figure out how to solve this mess of a division. I need to check on the Cards, and see if Touya's all right. And then there's–_

_Yue._

_What?_

_Stop trying to make plans. You're not terribly good at it, and they never last anyway. Relax. Enjoy the moment._

_But…_

_It's over, Yue,_ he said firmly.  _The Cards are safe, we're alive, everything's turned out just fine. You don't have to worry anymore. Just…take things as they come._

I opened my eyes. Silver in the moon's glow, everything covered with light. The stars shone as well, and darkness took what was left, but above it all shone the moon, glorious and powerful. I felt it in me and outside of me, hovering high in the sky, a faint supernatural silhouette for anyone with sharp enough eyes, wings and arms outstretched, drinking in the charged atmosphere.

I exhaled slowly.

_Everything's going to be all right._

On the way back, I stopped by Sakura's house. The roof was empty, and from the muted presence the Cards were asleep in the Book. Cautiously, in case she was asleep, I peered in at the window. Everything was dark and silent (except for Keroberos' snores). Apparently he had decided to sleep in his true form tonight, and he was sprawled across Sakura's bed, head on her feet and body stretched along her back. They looked quite comfortable. For a second, I envied Keroberos. He shared an ease and cameraderie with her that I didn't. Well, I had time, and I would make an effort.

Quietly, I rapped on the windowsill. 'Keroberos,' I hissed. 'Wake up, you dolt.'

'Huh? What? No, I don't want pancakes.' He rolled over, which ended in him lying right over Sakura. She squeaked and woke up. 'Kero, you're squashing me again! Oof!' She pushed at him until she got an arm under his stomach and levered him off the bed. He fell with a thump and continued to sleep.

Then she noticed me at the window. 'Yue? What are you doing here?'

I sighed and let myself in. 'I'm sorry for waking you.'

'It's no problem,' she said, smiling. 'What did you want?'

'I just wanted to talk to the Cards.'

'The Cards?' she echoed blankly.

'Well, their true forms, anyway.'

'You can talk to them?' she said, eyes wide. 'I want to talk to them!'

I smiled at her. The muscles felt a little unused, but in time they'd work.

A quick flow of magic, and the Cards were awakened. The Book flew open on her desk, and the Cards came out, in their true form. The room became crowded very quickly as they all flooded out. Fiery stepped on Keroberos, waking him rather easily. 'Hey!' he protested as her foot squished his stomach. Then his eyes opened. 'Are we having a party?'

' _Are_  we?' said Watery, raising an eyebrow.

'Lights, please!' that was Power, and the soft Glow lit the room a second later.

'Oh,' Sakura said, her eyes wide with wonder. 'You're all…'

Windy stepped forward, assuming spokesmanship.  _SpokesCardship_ , Yukito commented. 'We would all like to thank you for transforming us, Sakura, and for being our new mistress. We are very happy to be with you. All of us.' Her quick glance included me, and I nodded very slightly in response. 'And we just wanted to say that we'll help take care of you from now on, just as you take care of us, all right?'

'Thank you,' Sakura whispered, sounding overcome. There were tears in her eyes. 'Thank you all so much.'

'So what are we waiting for?' Keroberos bellowed. 'Sweet! We want food!'

And things went to a new level rather quickly after that.

The party went on until midnight, almost, and it was only thanks to Silent, who was suppressing our sound, that nobody intervened. Keroberos was at his noisiest and most obnoxious, keeping Sweet busy until Little and Big took pity and turned him into a very small lion and the cake into a giant. The Cards laughed and chattered and gathered around Sakura, touching her cautiously and curiously, talking to her in twos or threes. In the end, she fell asleep on the carpet, halfway through a sentence, and things quieted down after that, receding into telepathic conversation as I picked her up and tucked her in, my hands more deft than Keroberos'.

'She's really pretty when she's asleep,' Mirror said, looking over my shoulder.

'She'll grow up to be beautiful,' I replied.

'She will. Are you going to leave now, Yu?'

'I think I'll turn in, yes.' I hesitated for a second. 'You want to come with me?'

'I'll meet you there,' she said, smiling so widely her ears wiggled, transforming in an instant into her child form.

I made my farewells and I set off, going directly to the bedroom window and crawling into bed. I had only been awake for half the day, but I was tired. Mirror cuddled close, and I wrapped a wing and an arm around her and closed my eyes.

_What are you thinking about, Yue?_

_Can't you tell?_

_Not unless you want me to._

_I was thinking about you._

_What about me?_

_What was it like for you? To not remember anything?_

_It…it wasn't like anything. I didn't know I'd forgotten anything._

_But you dreamt of Clow._

_And you. You, more than Clow._

_What did you dream?_

_I don't remember so well. I know I saw you flying once; it was a full moon night. I didn't know why I always dreamed of you on full moon nights until after the Judgment._

_Every full moon?_

_Every full moon. As long as I can think back._

_What did you think the dreams were?_

_I don't know. Just odd dreams. I thought you looked sad. And sometimes you'd look at me, and then I couldn't read you at all._

_Oh._

_That's strange._

_What are you giggling about?_

_If I didn't know better, I'd swear you were jealous of me!_

_Yue?_

…

_Yue? Oh, you_ were _jealous of me!_

…

_I didn't mean to laugh. Yue, I'm sorry._

… _it's not your fault._

_Still, I had –_

_Oh, shut up about it. Besides, I don't feel that way anymore._

_I see._

_What is_ that _supposed to mean?_

_You know, for someone who worries things to death you really aren't into self-analysis, are you?_

_Talk sense._

_Right back at you._

_Since when did you get sarcastic?_

_About the same time you started acting dense._

… _you know what?_

_What?_

_I could get used to this,_ I sighed and went to sleep.

'You know, there's one thing to be said for this whole mess,' Touya said as he made dinner in the kitchen. 'That Akizuki's left school now. Gone back to England or whatever.'

'Amen to that,' Yukito said fervently.

Touya laughed. 'I'd have given something to see the two of you fight. It must have been something to see.'

'Well, if you were hoping for a display, you'd have been disappointed. It was rather short and quick.'

_Although,_ I added,  _I wouldn't mind a rematch sometime._

_Jeaaaloouus,_ Yukito drawled.

_Acting on_ your _impulses, if your theory's correct._

In truth, I was glad it was I, and not Yukito, who had been there. He was as bad as my mistress when it came to fighting.

'No mud and strategically placed rips?'

Yukito turned red, but rallied gamely. 'No Jell-O either. Although there was some hair-pulling. Hair-cutting, actually.'

'Yours or hers?'

Yukito pointed at himself. 'She sliced a lock clean off.'

'Pity, that. You think the hair's still there?'

'Maybe. It'll be interesting to see what visitors make of an eight-foot lock of silver hair. Maybe they'll think it's rope.'

'Rope? Hardly. Silk, perhaps.'

There was a brief silence as Yukito set up the dinner table.

'I heard that Miss Mizuki is back,' Yukito said, carefully placing a cup of tea on the table. It was a sudden change of topic, but Touya didn't react.

'I saw her yesterday. Turns out she knew everything… Jeez, she could have told me. Clow Reed. He sounds like a pain in the neck.'

Yukito smiled. 'I'm grateful to him though. If it weren't for him, Yue wouldn't have been born, and I would never have met Sakura. Or you.'

The half-smile we knew so well touched Touya's mouth.

Just then, Sakura ran past us and hurtled up the stairs. 'Sakura? Is something wrong?'

She never ignored Yukito like that, and she was clearly in some distress. I had sensed no magic, though…and Touya was glaring again. Maybe it was the Li. Well, there was nothing we could do.

'So what else did Miss Mizuki say?' Yukito asked brightly.

'Nothing much. We just spoke for a little while.'

'Oh.'

'It seems she's found someone else. She told me she would, you know.'

'Oh,' Yukito said again. We didn't. I knew the basics of her relationship with Touya thanks to Return, but the Card hadn't caught some of the conversation since it was coloured through with my mistress' memory of the event.

'She said that by the time she returned she would have someone else, and so would I.'

'Oh.' Yukito was beginning to sound like a broken record.

'And the funny thing,' Touya said, eyes fixed firmly on the stove, 'is that when she said it, I didn't believe her. But–'

'Hey, is that dinner?' Keroberos said, floating into the room in his false form. 'Dinner! Dinnerdinnerdinner! I'm hungry! Is there cake in the fridge?'

By the time Keroberos wandered out of the room with a plateful of cake, his little furry belly already bulging with food, the mood was utterly broken.

Really, those two had the worst timing in the world.

The next day, Yukito was doing his homework when we felt a flare of distressed magic.

_Sakura!_  I said in alarm.

_On it,_  Yukito said, already on his bicycle. I lent it just a touch of magic, and we were at her house in five minutes, just as she raced down the stairs.

'Is something wrong?' Yukito demanded. 'Yue felt magic…and you…what happened?'

'Syaoran's leaving!' she wailed. 'And it's too late to get to the airport!'

'What time's the flight?'

'Eleven o' clock. And it's nearly ten now. even if we take my father's car…'

When was she going to accept that she had magic? I sighed and transformed. 'There are faster ways to go. Use the Erase Card to hide us, and I'll fly you there.' She had exerted herself so much the last two days, not to mention that strange burst of magic I'd felt a few minutes ago. Using two Cards at once might be too exhausting for her; and even flight would take us half an hour to get to the airport.

'Yue?' she squeaked.

'Hurry,' I advised her curtly. She performed her little twirly dance and chant as she extended her key. I was going to have to teach her to be quicker and less showy soon. Her life might depend on it someday.

'Erase us from the sight of those around us! Erase!'

The Card flew to do her bidding, wrapping her magic around us. Without another word, I caught Sakura in my arms and flew towards the airport. We made it in twenty-nine minutes. I didn't say anything, and she was concentrating on her magic.

Outside, I transformed again into Yukito.  _What are we doing here?_ he said, blinking.

_The Li's leaving town, and Sakura wants to say goodbye._

_Oh._

_He confessed to her the night Sakura finished transforming the Cards, you know._

_He what! Yue, you've got to start telling me these things._

_I was otherwise occupied at the time. Besides, if I told you, you'd get all smug on me._ I felt the smile creep over him.  _See what I mean?_

_It worked!_

_Of course it did. You set them up._

_Don't be such a grump. Just because a Li's going to wind up married to her._

_I am_ not _a grump._

_Sure you're not, Yue._

_Don't do that._

_Do what?_

_Pull that innocent act on me. I'm not Touya._

_But you're just as easy. I think you have a Sakura complex too._

_I do not!_

_Maybe it's because of To-ya's powers, hmm?_

_Shut up._

_My, you're really becoming like him._

_Yukito, I don't know if it's possible for me to strangle you, but if you keep this up, we'll find out._

_Okay, okay. Jeez. Grump._  And he laughed.

I felt a new and different level of sympathy for Touya.

It was nearly thirty minutes later that Sakura came out. She was clutching a bear – the Li's bear – and she looked dazed and happy. Yukito smiled. 'Did everything go well?'

'Yukito?' she yelped.

What, did she expect me to just stand around in my true form once the Erase stopped working?

_Be nice, Yue._

_Pah. She needs to grow up._

_She's eleven!_

_So? She can still use her head, can't she?_

'Yue wants you to use the Erase so you can get back home, and he says he's very happy things worked out.'

_I am not!_

_You mean you wanted her to be unhappy?_

_Traitor,_ I accused for want of a better response.

Yukito laughed aloud. At Sakura's questioning glance, he just shook his head and smiled.

Annoying, teasing jerk.

'Can't we just take the train?' Sakura asked.

'I don't have any money. Do you?'

'Oh.' Her face fell. I transformed again, and we began to fly.

'I felt some magic from you just before I came to your house,' I said carefully. 'Did something happen?'

Sakura looked surprised that I had spoken; which, from her previous experience of me, was hardly normal. Then she giggled and blushed and withdrew something from a pocket. Something pink and glowing with magic. 'That? I…uh…made a Card. It's pretty, isn't it?'

I carefully removed one arm from around her and inspected it as I flew. The sky was empty, after all. It was safe. A heart with wings. The Hope, she would call it later, but even then the meaning was obvious to us. A heart with wings.

How appropriate.

Unexpectedly, horridly, I felt like crying. I felt lucky that she couldn't see my face.

'That's all we have, isn't it?' she said in a tone I hadn't heard from her since the day of the Judgment. Older and wiser than her years, kind and gentle but powerful. The voice of one who could, indeed, be the equal of Clow in her own way. 'Hope. When we feel bad about something, that's the only thing we need. If we don't, we'd never be able to do anything difficult.'

'Hope,' I agreed raggedly.

The one thing I had never had; the one thing Clow had never had. Clow had always believed in the power of his mysterious Fate, and I had always believed in the power of Clow. My pessimism and Clow's fatalism had come from the same thing, a lack of hope. And this girl, my mistress, she had what I needed to learn most.

'…thank you,' I said.

'For what?'

I didn't reply. The journey was completed in silence; she was thinking about the Li and I was thinking about her.

When we alighted in front of her house, I could sense Touya waiting for us. His aura reminded me uncannily of a thundercloud. I knew he couldn't see us, hidden as we were behind Erase's magic, but I cringed anyway. This probably wasn't going to be pretty.

We flew into her room and Sakura dropped the spell, her wand going back to key form. 'Thank you, Yue,' she said sweetly.

I dropped the cold Guardian demeanour for an instant and ruffled her hair gently. 'No problem…Sakura.'

She laughed and hugged me, a quick, tight embrace. When she pulled away, only just realising what she had done, neither of us quite knew where to look. 'Uh…I…well…er…' she said intelligently, and instead of making an utter fool of myself by stuttering or smiling, I left the room precipitately, shutting the door behind me. It was a measure of how distracted I was that I forgot to transform as I floated down the stairs.

Touya goggled at me from the bottom of the stairs, one foot inelegantly raised and frozen in midair. 'Yue? What are you doing here?'

I stared at him, nearly as surprised.

He regained himself first. 'What were you thinking, walking around like this? You're lucky my father went for groceries a while ago.'

Still mute, I tried not to turn red.

'So does this sudden appearance of yours have anything to do with the fact that that camera friend of hers calling me twenty minutes ago asking if Sakura had made it to the airport in time to see that brat off?'

I nodded.

'You took her there?'

Nod.

'To see him off.'

Nod.

'Knowing that he'd probably use the moment to make some sort of sappy declaration of love.'

'Actually,' I said, 'he did that the night Eriol fought Sakura.'

'He  _what_!'

'Tomoyo told me he did.'

'And knowing Sakura, she'd have frozen and not replied. So you took her to the airport to make her confession or something.'

'I don't know what she said. I was standing outside.'

Touya considered that carefully. 'Oh. Well, okay, then.' And he went up the stairs.

I stared at his back. 'You aren't mad?'

He turned, looking mildly surprised. 'It's not your fault.'

'That's all you have to say?'

'Were you expecting me to yell?' A grin crinkled his eyes. 'You were, weren't you.'

'Considering your opinion of the Li…'

'It was going to happen anyway,' he shrugged. 'The most I can hope is that I can put that brat through every layer of hell before he makes off with her.'

'Ah, the sister complex,' I mused. 'I wondered what had happened to it.'

'You know, if you start doing that too I'll really have to run away from home.'

'You really had me worried, you know.'

A delightfully Touya sound of inarticulate annoyance.

'I thought you might be ill or something. After all, you sounded almost normal there for a second.'

'Shut up, Yuki,' he growled on reflex.

We both froze.

'Yue…' he began, but I raised a hand and cut him off.

'It's all right. Really, it is.'

There was a brief moment of awkwardness. I broke it by transforming back into Yukito.

'Yue…' Touya said, looking conflicted.

'What happened?' Yukito said.

_Never mind,_  I said firmly.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter reaches the end of the anime canon, but I simply had to tie up some loose ends...


	10. Zenith

Strange, how great things can happen and nobody notice. How a town can fall asleep and never even realise they did; how a huge amount of magical power can transfer to a small girl and her own father not know; how everything can change, and leave those it changed alienated from the ordinary flow of life around them; transform the people it touches until they are unrecognisable, to their mirror at least if not the world.

Or perhaps there is no such change. Perhaps nothing really ever changes, and it is only that this happened to me that makes it so important; perhaps the only reason these events seem so earth-shattering is that they shattered my vision of it.

It is irrelevant.

Unresolved. Unspoken. Incomplete.

Those three words summed up the weeks that passed after…Eriol left (Eriol – Eriol. I had to consciously remember to call him that at first, but it was becoming easier). Everything seemed to be slightly off, like a very vivid dream which, no matter how realistic, still fell apart on closer examination.

I didn't want to fall apart.

Sakura wandered around disconsolately, looking slightly lost now that the Li and Eriol were gone, and though Tomoyo, Keroberos and Yukito tried their best to cheer her up, the abrupt halving of the number of close friends Sakura had saddened her. Even her father noticed, which was quite remarkable.

Tomoyo was just the same as ever, calm and reassuring, though I knew that she missed the Li, and Sakura's cheerfulness.

Keroberos was bored out of his mind, and spent so much time playing video games that he went around red-eyed and giddy. His eating went up sharply before it declined to normal months later, and he complained continuously about everything. It was his way of missing Clow, I supposed. We had never been the type to lick wounds together.

Touya was….well, Touya. Except that he seemed rather relieved that Akizuki didn't pounce on him anymore.

Yukito went to school, went to the Kinomotos', went home, following routine as easily as a clock.

And I spent the days trying hard not to lose my temper.

After how close Touya and Yukito had become, I had expected  _something_  to happen in the days following Eriol's departure. After the power transfer, Touya had begun touching Yukito more. A touch on the shoulder, ruffling his hair, fingers on his cheeks; of course I noticed, it was very difficult not to. He had always been just a little too physical to be merely friendly, but now it was clear that these touches were anything but platonic, and neither was the way Yukito reacted to it. I kept waiting for something to happen, anything, but either Touya and Yukito were both lacking anything remotely approaching a libido or something else was wrong, because it never went further than those touches, and there was a restraint in them that suggested that he were touching in spite of, not because. I knew it had to be tearing Yukito apart.

It created a curious sort of…annoyance in me.

_Yukito?_

_Yue?_

_What about Touya?_

_What about him?_  Yukito said innocently.

And that, apparently, was that.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if the other Yue – the old me – had never partitioned himself. Even today I don't know for certain if it was voluntary or automatic; my memories of the time immediately after my sealing are vague and blurry. I think it was a mixture of both. Magic is strange that way; sometimes it acts on what is needed, rather than what the user wants at the moment. I suspect that Yue cast some sort of spell to either dull the pain or to forget the reason for it, and the spell took on a form he did not expect. I don't know if I would have done the same; I've experienced amnesia, it's not pretty. I seem to be stronger than the other Yue. As I said, it is unclear.

But oh, the consequences.

If I had been unsealed with all my memories intact, in the human form but with all my magic; if I had been the one to come to Tomoeda instead of Yukito…I do not doubt that things would have gone very differently. My anger over Clow's death would have distanced me from both Sakura and Touya. I would never have gained Yukito's perspective of things. Perhaps the Judgment would have been different. Certainly, I would have been subjected to the same dream, but without Yukito's influence, would I have been able to break out of it? Without Yukito's amnesia…with all the pain and all the sweetness of Clow…I would never have cared about Touya like that.

The layers spiral on and on until even my agile mind cannot untangle every tightly wound thread of action and reaction and construct a perfect what-if. And frankly, of late, I have not found it worth the time to try. The past is simply that – the past. Over and done with. All I can have of the past are the memories I carry and the lessons I learn. It is enough.

'So what's happening with you and Bunny-boy?' Watery, obviously.

Yukito cringed. So did I.

'Your nicknames are beginning to slip downhill,' I remarked.

'We-lllll?' she whined.

'Let him be for once,' Mirror said.

'You're just saying that because he only cuddles with you when he's in a good mood.'

'He does not!' Mirror said indignantly and then clapped a hand over her mouth. 'Now look what you made me say,' she accused me, burrowing further into my chest. I sighed in resignation and wrapped an arm around her. She hmmed with pleasure.

'I am surrounded by illogical females,' Yukito said.

Dream cleared her throat loudly. So did Windy.

'Except you, of course,' Yukito recovered gallantly.

'So what's up with you and Yue?' Watery jostled us companionably in the ribs. She'd never have done that to me before.

Yukito took it in his stride. 'Getting better, I think.'

'Define better.'

'Well, we're able to switch back and forth better, and as you can see we're both talking aloud to you.'

'You haven't merged?' Windy said, slightly disappointed.

'Not yet,' Yukito and Dream said together. Silence fell.

'It'll take a little effort,' she said quietly. 'And not from you.'

'I suspected that.'

_You did?_

_Yes, I did._

_So what did you come up with?_

_You'll figure it out._

_Which is such a helpful statement. I'm shocked, truly._

_Find your own answers, Judgment Maker._

Aloud, he said, 'If it's any help to anyone, I don't think it'll take much time.'

Share _these things with me once in a while. Really. I'm not too busy._

_Can't tell you what you don't know, needn't tell you what you do._

_If ever I needed proof that you knew Clow…_

'And here I thought you were reforming,' Watery said, shaking her head. A few drops fell on Fiery and sizzled lightly. 'You're just as big an idiot as ever.'

'Be nisse,' Fiery said, slapping her upside the head. 'And stop dripping on me. Sakura hates it when we steam the roof up.'

'Oww!' Watery whined.

'Oww!' the Twins mimicked perfectly. Watery glared at them, and they giggled madly.

Life with the Cards, I reflected, was not unlike a three-ring circus.

'Why don't you explain,' I suggested.

'Explain?'

'You know quite well what I mean. That ridiculous display the night before Sakura went to the past. What was it about?'

'Didn't you guess?' she said mildly. 'I thought you would have, since you're the all-knowing Guardian and all.'

I counted to ten, counted back to one and raised an eyebrow.

'Shifting orbits,' Watery said quickly. She knew she'd get frozen solid in a minute if she didn't.

'What?'

She sketched a graceful circle in the air with her finger, and a ring of water remained suspended in its wake, flowing in direct defiance of gravity, like a small roller-coaster. 'It's a theory Windy came up with. Fiery, if you please.' Fiery waved a hand and a small ball of fire formed in the middle. 'Imagine that that is the sun – Clow – and this is you – your orbit around him. Held together by your need for him. As long as you went after him every single time you could, you sustained the orbit, see? But if you didn't – even once, if you didn't – you kicked the orbit all out of shape.' She flicked a small hole in the ring of water with two fingers. It promptly collapsed. 'Satellite flies away, drawn elsewhere. So now you're not orbiting Clow anymore.'

_I didn't think of that at all,_  Yukito said softly, surprised.

'Orbit,' I said, struck by the simplicity of the metaphor, and how apt it was considering my identity.

'Orbit,' Dream agreed. 'It is your task to decide what you will do now. None of us can help you.'

'I thought you knew the future,' I snorted.

'Not all of it,' she shrugged. 'I see what may be. I see consequences, not actions.'

Windy sat down beside me, ruffling my robes, and placed a compassionate hand on my knee. 'It isn't written in stone, Yue. Nothing is. Nothing can be. Haven't the last two years told you that?'

_Both hearts followed different paths than what I had imagined._ Cl-Eriol's words to me, not two months ago. If the most powerful magician in the world had such gaps in his vision… _Clow Reed isn't omnipotent._ Watery had said that. I leaned into Windy, and she placed her cheek against my hair. 'Yue,' she sighed.

'Thank you,' I said. 'Thank you all. I don't say it often enough.'

'Don't be sssilly. You're our friend, right? Friendsss do that.'

'Still.'

Watery looked embarrassed. 'Yeah, yeah, we love you too.'

I laughed.

Everything happens in threes, they say, but in my case pairs seem more appropriate. Perhaps this is because of the duality within me, the split of Yue and Yukito. After all, this only became clear after my death and rebirth as two different people.

In all things I was pulled in two directions, the old and the new. Whether it was loyalty – Clow or Sakura – or love – Clow or Touya – or power – Touya or Sakura – I always found myself divided. It may be because of my moon-ruled soul, pulled constantly by the earth and the sun.

And that was the focus of those two years, two years that turned me inside out and altered everything I believed was real and thought I wanted; a longing for singularity, for unity, for resolution.

Shifting orbits. What a simple phrase, what a difficult thing. I am a creature of habit, of constant flow and ebb, regular as the tide and as predictable to anyone who understands. After so much time and so much effort I had succeeded in breaking one orbit, only to plunge headlong into another one.

But isn't that always the case?

Can anyone truly said to be free of all their orbits?

No, I think not. We all have our own orbits, chosen or not, and these, then, are mine.

It was almost four months after all the Cards had been transformed that the  _something_  finally happened, and I hadn't quite expected who would initiate it.

It was, to all appearances, a normal evening. Touya and Yukito were doing their schoolwork - tons and tons of it, there seemed to be. Didn't humans ever have time to appreciate life? I wondered idly. Perhaps that was why magic was dying out. It needed a spark in the soul that this world, this time, seemed determined to stamp out.

'Would you like something to eat, To-ya?'

'That's fine. I don't have your appetite, you know.'

'I can't help it, I was made that way.' I was close enough to the surface to feel Yukito's smile.

'Excuses, excuses.' That warm light in his dark eyes. He reached out and ruffled Yukito's hair. Yukito leaned into the touch slightly, and his own hand went up to brush ever so lightly across Touya's cheek…

And then they broke away, Touya continued writing about the Brest-Litovsk Treaty and Yukito went into the kitchen and cut himself some cake.

That was it. That was absolutely it. I shoved Yukito into the back of my mind, sent him to sleep and marched purposefully back into the living room.

'I,' I announced, 'am sick of the two of you.'

Touya maintained his annoying calm. The only sign that the person who'd gone into the kitchen was not quite the person who'd come out was the lift of a long black eyebrow. 'Yue? Is that you?'

'Yes,' I said impatiently.

'What is it?'

'You know quite well what it is.'

'Me and Yukito? What did we do?'

'Nothing,' I said. 'And that's the whole point. It's obvious you…have feelings for each other. And neither of you seems to want to do anything about it. It's…irritating. Besides, Yukito isn't very happy about it, and I have a responsibility to keep him happy. And if what it takes is some sort of confession from you, I want to see it as soon as possible.'

_Are you sure that's your only reason, Yue?_

_I thought I got rid of you,_  I snapped.

_Not anymore. We're not separate enough for you to send me to sleep anymore. Or haven't you noticed that you're feeling right now? Truly_ feeling

A tremor went through me, like a deep, gentle wave passing.

And Touya began to laugh. He hadn't laughed aloud in years, not in all the time we'd known him, not like this; shoulders shaking, eyes watering, while small breathless reluctant chuckles escaped him; I could feel the laughter in him and in his magic, running through me. My eyes narrowed. Why was he laughing at me?

'Yuki,' Touya said quietly. 'Was that enough?'

I stared at him blankly for a second before my ire reasserted itself. 'I am  _not_ –'

_Tell him yes,_  Yukito said in my mind.

He'd actually been talking to Yukito. I relaxed a little. 'Yukito says yes…?'

And so he moved, finally finally, faster than I expected, wrapping his arms around me (why couldn't Clow have made me taller so I could press my cheek into his hair, I thought distractedly) I could feel the emotion radiating off him and I whispered his name, hopelessly confused, and he held me tighter but it was all wrong, wasn't it Yukito who…

But if I was Yukito…

But then…

Why…

Oh.

Touya.

At that point, I confess I rather gave up. I hadn't been held like this in…centuries, it was hauntingly familiar and frighteningly new, warm and all-encompassing. One hand resting solidly across my back, the other on the back of my neck, just lying there, but making my skin hypersensitive. I recognised the scent of the fabric softener on his shirt; Yukito had revised many lessons while sitting on top of the dryer and watching Touya do laundry. Almost against my will I began to relax into the embrace before reminding myself sternly that this was not…I was not…

'Touya, I'm not–'

'Sure you aren't,' he cut me off. 'You're not him, he's not you, and I…' he cut himself off this time, with something like a gasp, before he visibly steeled himself and continued, 'I love you. Both of you. And the you that both of you together can be.'

Everything went still, around me and inside me, violently, like an explosion of silence. I reeled under the impact, flying apart and falling together. He loved me. Touya…how did he do this to me?

'You barely know me,' I whispered.

'I've seen you for years. I've seen everything you felt, until six months ago, at any rate. And I know Yukito, I know your heart and I know who you were. You showed him to me. The rest, I'll figure out.'

'But Yukito…'

'Is the one who convinced me to wait so long until you made some sort of move.' And he was also being uncharacteristically silent. It was worrying.

'What?' I said numbly. My hands were itching to go around him, it took a fair bit of concentration to remember that he didn't know what he was talking about.

'You're the Self, he's the Heart. That's what he told me, although I'd more or less figured it out before he did. Do you think it's been easy, waiting for you to realise that it's all right for you to feel something for someone again. To let yourself access your Heart, and do it voluntarily.'

I turned my face away. Heart and Self? Well, that was certainly more poetic than created and core personality. 'When did you even have the time to discuss this? No, wait. The night after Sakura fought Clow. It had to be then. There wasn't any other time I wasn't there when you–'

Stupid. Very, very stupid. I'd just admitted too much. Inside my mind everything was still quiet, expectant. Yukito was gone, as if he'd never been. There was nothing there.

It was a little frightening to be so alone.

Out of the corner of my eyes I watched the smile creep across his face, a slow transformation. 'Yue, do you really think that Yukito can feel something you can't? That he's somehow more alive…more real…than you?'

Of course he was. I'd always envied how open and confident and relaxed he was; how easily he accepted himself and what he thought and felt. Of course.

'He can't, you know. What you think and what he thinks might be different, but you're not really capable of holding different emotions. That's what links you to each other – what one feels, the other feels. You walled him off for a long time, but the heart has a way of getting past that. I tried it too after Kaho left, and look how far it got me…Yue. Tell me honestly. Do you feel nothing for me?'

'I can't say that. But I'm not…' Wasn't I? If Yukito was, and I was attracted to him even before we began to merge, then wasn't I? 'I don't think I'm…' Incapable? Hardly.

Having neatly backed myself into a corner, I stopped talking. Everything was too quiet for too long before he filled the silence and destroyed it at the same time.

'Yuki loves me,' Touya remarked, matter-of-fact, as if he were saying Yes, it rained on Monday. One large hand reached between us to gently press on my heart. 'I love you both. I'm also fairly sure you love me even if you're being abominably pigheaded about it right now.' I bristled, and he smiled, and something stopped dead as everything made sense.

I knew now what that silence in my mind was. Not emptiness, but singleness; not silence, but unity. Something I hadn't felt in two long centuries. Single, whole. Not really Yue. Not really Yukito. Not the other Yue either. Just me.

Touya smiled, and this time I could see the anticipation and the fear and the hope behind it.

'So you see, the question here is quite simple.' He leaned forward, and I could only see midnight, eyes that had seen me long before I even knew what they were seeing. And then I couldn't see anything at all because he was too close and our noses were almost brushing.

'I have your Heart. Will you let your Self live?'

My eyes closed.  _Live._ How strange that I had come all this way, only to hear the last thing Clow had told me before I was sealed.  _Don't be afraid to live. Don't let this take that away._

I nodded once.

And there was really nothing left to say after that.


End file.
